To fucking hate being a parent

[PeppersTheCat]

Never, at any point in this parenting journey, have I ever been able to say "I love being a mum!"

I have a DD7, DS6, DSD7 and DS6months and I feel like a bitter old woman who's life is over.

I'm not cut out for parenting. If I haven't got someone sucking on my body causing it to sweat and smell, then I've got someone trying to sit on me, or both at the same time. I can't wash. Can't go to the toilet without causing a crying fit. I can't get any work done even though my employers are waiting. Baby won't eat anything I give him, he just throws it on the floor. DH hides in his office doing important adult career stuff whilst I sit in my own sweat and get further and further behind in my work. (To be fare he takes the kids swimming and takes baby out for an hour a day).

I look disgusting, feel disguising and am sick of being a slave to the whims of small humans who do little but whine, argue and demand. DH fucking loves parenting. It makes him feel "complete" and "fulfilled". I suspect this is how "normal" people feel, but not me.

I've known since the minute DD was born that parenting wasn't for me. I had DS6 to give DD7 a sibling. Then I had DS5months to appease DH. I'm a terrible mother and I feel sorry for all of the children in my care. I should have stayed a spinster or partnered up with an infertile man. I'm 35 but will never have the life I know I'm best suited for (career woman with friends and hobbies). I'm a selfish cow but I can't overcome it.

lilpeepsod - reported you RTFT

peppers start looking at nursery options - if it’s a constant grudge match with him, then pay for some reliable help, nursery or cms are great as they’re predictable breaks you can look forward to and no conflict involved.

Peppers, your last few posts sound more despondent, do you think you could have a bit of PND? Your husband is being an arse if he is shutting himself up in his study in a mood.
You would find someone to love you all if that is the path you choose and your kids would still have their own dad too. Their needs and his needs don't trump yours. Please try to get someone on side in real life and get your baby in nursery for a few hours if he's not already. Oh, and your baby already does have the mum he deserves. ; ) Good luck.

This thread makes me glad I'm peer-pressure proof.

Please stop being so hard on yourself. And also visit your GP as you sound so unhappy right now :( Could this be PND?

From morning to 2pm he worked in his office. Then from about 2pm he took care of the older 3 (took them swimming, put a movie on for them then put them to bed) and I looked after the baby.

I've had the baby all day with no break but he hasn't had a break either. I just wish I could actually do some productive work like he did this morning :(

OP I actually would go and take DS to him

You need a break and to be able to get your head straight, it's not just you being the parent here

I'm a single parent and it's hard at best, he can't just shut the door because he took the kids out and ignore you're hurting

Take baby to him and go and run yourself a bath atleast

What can GP do? I'm on antidepressants. Ive had PND in the past and all a GP can do is put you on anti Ds and make the health visitor keep extra watch over you (thus causing extra stress). I'm on my own with this. Sink or swim.

@NotAnotherEmma What's your address? I'll send you a medal.

Do you think your H is actually working non-stop in his office or is he just using it as an excuse to get out of looking after his own kids?

He definitely isn't doing more than the decent fathers I know by doing 1 hour a day plus going swimming one morning! He's doing more than the shitty deadbeat dads I know, if that's his yardstick.

If he's genuinely working all day expect for 1 hour then he needs to get a new job

NotAnotherEmma Are you sure you're on the right thread?

But I’d certainly find looking after a baby all day harder than the day he’s had, and the point is that you do too, you want a break from being responsible for the baby - that’s not unreasonable.

It’s quite clear that the conflict with him and him not giving you the breaks you need are part of the issue.

I really do think you need to lay for predictable help to get through. Yes he’s helped with the older dc today, but he’s now withholding the help you need when he doesn’t need to behave like that.

I think he's chilling watching youtube vids tbh. I've caught him a few times.

DS is asleep on my lap at the mo or I'd dump him on DH right now.

So will he stay in his office now until bedtime OP?

Yes, he'll stay in his office till about 1am when he will come to bed. I deal with DS on my own through the night.

I hated the climbing all over me stage and breastfeeding, it was horrible and I had 2 not 4. What support are you getting at the moment OP? is nursery an option so you can have a few hours to yourself?

So you never get anytime in each other's company, well if he spends all that time in there

He's taking the piss. You should not be doing this on your own with your baby, I know it's been said so many times now

It may seem daunting, but would you consider leaving? Do you have family?

You know he’s being an arse. I would say, dc2 stopped being so keen to sleep on me and co sleep once I was t her only source of food.
I stopped bf about 7 months and she was in the cot by 8 months for the first time ever - was great having evenings back.

Ladies, I just dumped DS on him and said "there you go, Dad Of The Year". And when DS started whinging, I said "It's easy looking after a baby.... Enjoy!"

Am I a bitch?

Going to make a cup of tea.

OP I'm going to message you

Counselling, couples or individual. Parenting group, esp with steps or family therapy. It's really hard, a lot on your plate. Be nice to yourself and get support

Not a bitch at All!

Get yourself a drink,run a hot bath and lock the door

Good on you!

You're not a bitch OP. You're a very tired mother doing the best she can with the resources she has, who is not being supported properly by the father of her children.

You are so not a bitch!