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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my 12 year old to go to the swimming baths with friends but no adult

99 replies

Shaddyuppayaface · 11/02/2018 22:09

DD12 (year 7) has arranged to go to the local swimming baths with a few of her friends. I do know that the pool allows kids of that age in the pool without an adult but unsure whether an adult needs to be spectating (will obv check). However, even if they don't, I'm not comfortable. DD is an ok swimmer (no idea about her friends) but I know I can't expect the lifeguards to be watching them at all times. I have offered to go with them and sit in the spectators gallery so I can watch them. DD thinks this is embarrassing and says the other parents are fine with them going by themselves. I will obviously be checking and will offer to accompany the girls. I don't really know most of them very well but am aware some of the kids have more freedom than DD. AIBU to say that if I don't accompany them, DD can't go?

OP posts:

Snowydaysarehere · 11/02/2018 22:12

Our council organised a bus to take dc aged over 8 swimming last summer hols. Mine went most days @8,10+11. They have life guards!! Never concerned me letting them go tbh. Drop off at the door and collect. Don't be that dm sitting at the poolside!!

Saltandsauce · 11/02/2018 22:13

Yes yabu by not allowing her to go. And you can expect the lifeguards to be watching at all times, it’s their job!!
If she can swim, and it’s only her safety in the pool that you’re worried about, let her go, you’re being way over protective to not allow her, she’s 12!!
If u must, drop her off and pick her up again, but allow the poor lass some freedom! She’ll be with friends, so not on her own.

SneakyGremlins · 11/02/2018 22:13

Well the lifeguards will be watching, that's their job isn't it?

AgentProvocateur · 11/02/2018 22:13

She’s 12. Please don’t go and watch them. She should be doing plenty of things out and about with her friends at that age. Leg her grow up.

Leeds2 · 11/02/2018 22:14

That wouldn't have bothered me.

NC4Now · 11/02/2018 22:15

YABU. My kids started doing this in a Year 6. If they can swim and there are lifeguards there, they are perfectly safe in the pool for an hour or so.
You have to let them take these little steps towards independence.

Shopkinsdoll · 11/02/2018 22:15

I used to go on a Saturday morning with my
Friend on our own when I was 11. Why not? It’s all part of growing up

Goldmandra · 11/02/2018 22:16

Where would you feel comfortable letting her go with friends and no adult?

StarOnTheTree · 11/02/2018 22:16

My DC all started swimming alone with their friends when they were 10. Children age 8+ are allowed in our local pools alone as long as they can swim.

NerrSnerr · 11/02/2018 22:16

I spent so many Saturdays and days in the holidays swimming with my friends at that age. There was always a lifeguard and no way would parents watch!

Namelesswonder · 11/02/2018 22:17

She is 12, you have to start giving her independence. Part of being a parent is letting go and this is a safe and easy way to do it - she will be with friends and supervised by life guards.

VandelayIndustries · 11/02/2018 22:18

My dd and a kid on our street (dd 11 friend 10) asked if they could go swimming yesterday and I walked them over as I needed to walk the dog anyway and they went in and paid themselves and that was that. It didn’t occur to me or the other mother to watch them.

SillyBub · 11/02/2018 22:18

I'd let my 10 year old do this. None of his friend's parents would so it's not happening yet. I'm hoping they're on board by the time he's 12.

Snowysky20009 · 11/02/2018 22:19

My ds's and all their friends started
Going at 10 by themselves.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2018 22:20

Oh my goodness.

Just let her go. It's normal to be worried, but not normal to tag along with a group of 12 year olds!

InToMyHeart · 11/02/2018 22:21

If she got in to trouble and you were there what would you do?

I assume you aren't a trained lifeguard so I don't really see what you would be able to do to help her anyway?

And of course the lifeguard is watching! What do you think they do, catch up on Eastenders at the same time?

Please don't shame her by going along. She'll be teased for the rest of her time at school!

Mummyontherun86 · 11/02/2018 22:22

It’s probably one of the safest places to go as they’ll be an adult watching them in the pool and trained people to help in case of an accident. You absolutely shouldn’t sit at the poolside!! Your DD is right, v embarrassing and tbh is only about your anxiety not about their safety as you probably couldn’t get to them very quickly anyway.

olivesnutsandcheese · 11/02/2018 22:22

I was unsure when my DSS wanted to do the same. He was in year 7 at the time. I checked with the swimming pool and sure enough the pool policy was 11 and over.
I figured that I had to give him a chance to have fun with his friends but also prove to me that he could be trusted to behave. He did both and now goes regularly.
There are few places that young people can go independently and my experience is that this is good one. I totally understand your reticence though.

weechops · 11/02/2018 22:22

Please don’t go and watch her. She’ll be really embarrassed in front of her friends. I know you just want to protect her but ‘overprotecting ‘ her isn’t great for her.
Right now I have my own 11yo dd and 2 friends downstairs doing face masks and watching a film, after having spent the afternoon at swimming then McDonald’s then walking here, 10 minutes away.
She had her phone and she’s sensible. She has been allowed more freedom every few months and for us, that began with allowing her to swim with friends after school aged 10.
She’s my eldest so it’s all new to me too, but we need to loosen the reins for their own good too.

Rainbunny · 11/02/2018 22:22

How long has she been swimming? Is it a regular swimming pool or is it a swimming park type place? I have to say I wouldn't think twice about letting my 12 year old go swimming without an adult, but then we all start swimming very young in my family.

If she's with her friends I'd guess they wouldn't even spend much time actually swimming, especially if it's just a regular swimming pool. A group of 12 year old girls seem highly unlikely to start swimming laps for fun! I imagine they're more likely to hang around the shallow end having fun?

confusednorthner · 11/02/2018 22:24

Dd is 11 and swims for a team but to be honest I wouldn't let her go with friends. I'm afraid I'd still discreetly sit with a drink and a book and keep a watch on them. Yes lifeguards do watch but in our case it's usually only one and I can't see how they can see every little thing.

RefuseTheLies · 11/02/2018 22:24

I think YABU. What is it that you think you’d be able to do from the spectator area that a trained lifeguard could not?

GreenTulips · 11/02/2018 22:24

lical pool allows them in the pool at 8 with friends

DS went at 10 with friends, I sometimes met with other mums for coffee in a separate part of the building so no watching!

They the nip across the road for a chippy and a chat

Not sure why you have an issue? They tend to be playing not swimming.

MrsJBaptiste · 11/02/2018 22:24

As soon as my kids were 8, I stopped going in the pool and watched them instead. I then started going to the gym for an hour which progressed to me not having to go to the sports centre at all!

My kids and their friends now all walk down to our local pool, it's great for them and even better for us parents 😉

LizardMonitor · 11/02/2018 22:24

YABU.

She is 12. She can swim. They have lifeguards. Bettter trained than you. You will wreck her social life if you insist on accompanying them.

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