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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 12 year old to go to the swimming baths with friends but no adult

99 replies

Shaddyuppayaface · 11/02/2018 22:09

DD12 (year 7) has arranged to go to the local swimming baths with a few of her friends. I do know that the pool allows kids of that age in the pool without an adult but unsure whether an adult needs to be spectating (will obv check). However, even if they don't, I'm not comfortable. DD is an ok swimmer (no idea about her friends) but I know I can't expect the lifeguards to be watching them at all times. I have offered to go with them and sit in the spectators gallery so I can watch them. DD thinks this is embarrassing and says the other parents are fine with them going by themselves. I will obviously be checking and will offer to accompany the girls. I don't really know most of them very well but am aware some of the kids have more freedom than DD. AIBU to say that if I don't accompany them, DD can't go?

OP posts:
happystrummer · 11/02/2018 23:23

Reminds me of the time my then 14 year old ever so gently told me he didn't want to be mean but was too old to go swimming with his mother any longer but then he did have to tell me at 12 he was now too old for his christmas action man pyjamas... Blush

BackforGood · 11/02/2018 23:44

Same here notso.
Mine went swimming without me in the building from 8 yrs old. I certainly wouldn't have let them wander round town on their own at that age.

bridgetoc · 11/02/2018 23:53

I would be very unsure myself OP, so I see where you're coming from. However, assuming that your DD is sensible, I would let her go.

sanesera · 12/02/2018 12:10

YABU

hermesconrad · 12/02/2018 12:12

I used to go swimming with friends without adults a lot when I was her age (and younger). If she's responsible enough then I'd let her go. A bit of independence is great for kids.

SweetMoon · 12/02/2018 12:18

She'll be fine OP and at least its a proper swimming pool and not a local river/lake/beach. The lifeguards will be watching, thats their job. We recently went to center parcs and children over 8 are ok on their own, like most pools. Mine were off all day, just reporting back to 'camp' when hungry or to tell us something exciting. I certainly couldn't keep my eye on them all all the time. You have to trust the life guards. She'll be mortified if you tag along and watch her the whole time.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 12/02/2018 14:45

You need to cut the apron strings OP, mollycoddling her will do no good at all.

PlanNumber · 12/02/2018 15:03

Swimming with friends is a perfect early independent outing, Closely supervised but they feel all grown up out with friends.

Of course at 12 she should go.

liz70 · 12/02/2018 15:15

I remember the bathrooms at our local 1930s built swimming baths. I think it was something like 15 or 20p for a 15 minute bath, plus 10p for towel and soap. Never used them as we had our own bathroom, but many people back then (70s) and earlier didn't.

I used to walk there, have a swim, and walk home from the age of about seven, but that was a while back, I don't think that happens very often now.

DGRossetti · 12/02/2018 15:48

My cousin’s DS drowned in a busy pool with life guards present and he was an ok swimmer. Hit his head and slipped under and no one noticed until it was too late.

So sorry about that. Quite a few pools are being fitted with underwater cameras to help with this - there's a screen on the lifeguards chair.

billybagpuss · 12/02/2018 15:55

YABU I originally read the post as age 7 not year 7. I was swimming alone, probably from age 7 and my DD's from 8 because they had brought in rules. It mostly wouldn't have occurred to me to do otherwise.

Tartyflette · 12/02/2018 16:11

If the pool allows unaccompanied children from 8, 10, 12 or whatever then I would say it's fine.
I only swim in health club pools and at my previous club no children under 16 were allowed in unaccompanied and in my current one it's 14. But these are private facilities, so different rules. Also they are not really geared up for kids' swims. No lifeguards.
And you can always check out the pool beforehand. just to see if there are loads of youngsters creating mayhem while the lifeguards can't be arsed to do much about it. Highly unlikely, I know, but perhaps a look round would reassure you

Mollieben · 12/02/2018 16:22

My 11 year old went with his 10 year old cousin at the weekend. My sister drooped them there and they walked back. They are both good swimmers and the pool has lifeguards. I wasn't unduly worried tbh

MissionItsPossible · 12/02/2018 16:26

Good for taking it on board OP 👍🏽

UnimaginativeUsername · 12/02/2018 16:36

I would discreetly sit with a book while my 8 year old and his friends swam on their own. But I’d also have given them a lift there, and would be waiting to take them home again. At 12, he’ll be in Y8 and will presumably be embarrassed by my existence.

cjferg · 12/02/2018 18:32

We used to get the bus on our own to the next town to go swimming (age nine or ten) as our town didn't have a pool.

Idontevencareanymore · 12/02/2018 19:07

Ah let her go alone. I was 11 when I was allowed to go to the swimming baths with a friend. We were both sensible and stayed in our limits. OK it was over 20 years ago but still......

RedHelenB · 12/02/2018 20:43

8 + can swim by themselves as long as they can swim 50 metres in our local.pool . By secondary age they are more than old enough!

Llanali · 12/02/2018 20:49

Glad she’s going :)

It would never occur to me to think twice about letting a 10/11/12 year old go swimming. I might however get twitchy about them being in town! I’d let them, but I’d be holding my phone just in case. The pool however, and I’d probably be napping on the sofa without a worry!

Different strokes I guess. I grew up and live in a rural community- so I’d let kids go out hacking sensible ponies at 11, but I wouldn’t let them go into town alone then.

Youngmystery · 12/02/2018 20:50

Try not to panic she will be fine. My friend and me went to the swimming pool all the time by ourselves when younger, up until about 13. Parents only came when we had a competition to do to show support.

BestZebbie · 12/02/2018 21:08

Even if the lifeguard isn't watching your DD at the exact second she needs it, she'll be with a group of friends who will all be paying constant attention to each other, right there in the water next to her, and who can probably raise an alert as loudly as you.

RavenLG · 12/02/2018 21:49

A lifeguard on the other hand has maybe 50 kids in the water at the same time ploughing up and down.

A lifeguard is also trained to spot signs of danger and manage a large group at once.

Glad you're letting her go OP. Once she comes home that first time it will seem easier. If you trust her enough to let her go cinema and into town, I'm sure she will be fine!

G120810 · 13/02/2018 00:03

You have to give her freedom at some point I would be mortified if my mum came with us if you trust ure daughter then I do not see why she needs watching

LizardMonitor · 13/02/2018 00:24

THE OP IS LETTING HER GO!
RTFT!
CANCEL THE CHEQUE!

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