Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my 12 year old to go to the swimming baths with friends but no adult

99 replies

Shaddyuppayaface · 11/02/2018 22:09

DD12 (year 7) has arranged to go to the local swimming baths with a few of her friends. I do know that the pool allows kids of that age in the pool without an adult but unsure whether an adult needs to be spectating (will obv check). However, even if they don't, I'm not comfortable. DD is an ok swimmer (no idea about her friends) but I know I can't expect the lifeguards to be watching them at all times. I have offered to go with them and sit in the spectators gallery so I can watch them. DD thinks this is embarrassing and says the other parents are fine with them going by themselves. I will obviously be checking and will offer to accompany the girls. I don't really know most of them very well but am aware some of the kids have more freedom than DD. AIBU to say that if I don't accompany them, DD can't go?

OP posts:
steff13 · 11/02/2018 22:25

You can expect the lifeguards to watch them, that's their job.

What's a swimming bath?

NerrSnerr · 11/02/2018 22:26

A swimming bath is another word for a swimming pool.

LizardMonitor · 11/02/2018 22:27

“DD thinks this is embarrassing and says the other parents are fine with them going by themselves. I will obviously be checking “

It is embarrassing. Doubly so if you ‘check ‘ with other parents.

upsideup · 11/02/2018 22:27

My 10 year old goes swimming with her friends, shes always been absolutely fine.
Is your only worry her drowing? She can smim, there will be her friends and lots of other people there as well as the lifeguard who will be watching people all the time because thats their job.

windchimesabotage · 11/02/2018 22:29

I think YABU i used to love going swimming with my friends at that age. I think I was going from around the age of 9/10.
Its a very good hobby for your child to have I think you should try and support it.

steff13 · 11/02/2018 22:29

A swimming bath is another word for a swimming pool.

Interesting.

Atticusss · 11/02/2018 22:29

My year 6 10 year old went to the cinema with a friend last weekend. I walked them there, they walked themselves back. I plan to let them go to the local pool on their own together during half term. The pool policy is from 8.

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 11/02/2018 22:31

or local pool only requires adult supervision for ages UNDER 6...

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2018 22:33

Blimey, I feel so old now that someone didn't know what the swimming baths are.

It's just made me realise, they've been called swimming pools for years, haven't they? Blush

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2018 22:34

They also used to be called 'public baths' too.

It was because they had actual baths in them at one point, that the public could pay to use.

It probably stemmed from when most houses used tin tubs and didn't have hot running water.

Original poster
Shaddyuppayaface · 11/02/2018 22:35

Dd is 11 and swims for a team but to be honest I wouldn't let her go with friends. I'm afraid I'd still discreetly sit with a drink and a book and keep a watch on them. Yes lifeguards do watch but in our case it's usually only one and I can't see how they can see every little thing

That was my concern. Busy pool at half term only 1 or 2 lifeguards, don't see that one child has disappeared underwater and friends too busy larking about to notice. At least if I'd been watching I could alert the lifeguard. Unlikely I know but better safe than sorry!

OP posts:
NNchangedforthis · 11/02/2018 22:35

At 11 years old I was taking a bus across town, then walking about 30 mins to get to secondary school. 2x a week I left the house at 6:30am to meet school friends at the pool to swim before school!
Let her do it!

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2018 22:36

I'm afraid I'd still discreetly sit with a drink and a book and keep a watch on them. Yes lifeguards do watch but in our case it's usually only one and I can't see how they can see every little thing

And how can you see every little thing, if you're reading a book? Confused

BlueMirror · 11/02/2018 22:38

At 12 you should be able to trust her not to be dicking about and she can swim so how exactly would she end up under the water and unable to swim?
Kids can go alone from age 8 around here provided they can swim.
You are being overprotective and are going to embarrass your dd if you go to supervise.

Sunshineface123 · 11/02/2018 22:39

Definitely let her go, it's swimming a great healthy activity choice. And don't phone the other girls parents that's really embarrassing. I think it's time to loosen the reins and give her some freedom.

SneakyGremlins · 11/02/2018 22:41

I'd imagine her friends probably won't want to go with her again if she's got her mum following her all the time Confused

Singadream · 11/02/2018 22:41

I would also be uncomfortable with this OP

Beeziekn33ze · 11/02/2018 22:42

Shaddy - What do you mean by DD is 'an ok swimmer'? Does she swim widths? Is she safe out of her depth? Happy at the deep end? Swims lengths?

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2018 22:45

I know I'm ancient, but even my over-protective mother used to let me go (on a bus too!) when I was still in primary.

And sadly, I'm quite a poor swimmer.

They have lifeguards.

BlueMirror · 11/02/2018 22:47

If it's anything like where we are there will be extra lifeguards on during half term. Last time I took my 2 to the council pool in the holidays they had a big inflatable slide and there was a lifeguard at the bottom catching the little ones, one in the water and at least 2 patrolling the sides. There were a group of boys about 8 yrs old who were messing and dunking each other and they got one warning and were then asked to leave.

NerrSnerr · 11/02/2018 22:47

I suspect she won't bother going if you try checking with her friends and watching from the sides.

I had massively overprotective parents but I could go swimming. People don't just spontaneously get into trouble in the water, if they're arsing about the lifeguard will definitely be watching. If she gets into difficulty when swimming someone will notice.

Saltandsauce · 11/02/2018 22:50

Op you are obviously not changing ur mind, having quoted the one person who agreed with you, and not the dozens who don’t.

I don’t get why ppl post in AIBU when they don’t think they are anyway! 🙄

Graphista · 11/02/2018 22:50

You really need to learn to assess risk better. Our job as parents is to prepare them to be adults. Not to protect them from all risk.

I was going with friends from the age of 10 to pools and from 14 to the beach. You're not doing her any favours and you will embarrass her and that will damage your relationship with her.

WonderLime · 11/02/2018 22:51

She's 12. If you don't start allowing her some freedom in what is a very safe environment, she will start to resent you.

And what exactly do you think you'll be able to do if there was any trouble?

yikesanotherbooboo · 11/02/2018 22:52

Normal policy , any where I have been, is for children to be allowed to swim unsupervised from 8.
She will be with her friends and they will look out for each other. There are lifeguards . I am very surprised that you think a 12 year old who can swim needs supervising.
Did you swim when you were a child?