What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

But I do think that somoeone should talk to the boys to check that he didn't cross actual boundaries / find out why they're feeling intimidated.

Tell the sports club to put a notice up not to shower naked out of respect and politeness to other users and he should get the message.

He is a fool.

‘Where is the mans morals’?! Eh?! I imagine as a paying customer of a gym, he wants to use the facilities he paid for, shower, and get out. What morals are needed?

How can you have a proper shower with items of clothing on?!

I agree with a pp. I think those here who think that what the bloke is doing is fine would be far less relaxed if their son came home and reported this. But that's MN for you..

he is deliberately standing next to the boys when they are getting changed

OP does not say if he is deliberately going as close as possible to the boys or is simply naked in the same shower/chaning room.

But what is so disrespectful / horrible / inherently wrong about this? I honestly don't get it.

And if he really was trying to harm these boys / had bad intentions, would a pair of speedos really change anything?

Yes, I do think that finding out why they feel this way is a good idea. And having a teacher supervise certainly couldn't hurt either. But Idk, I guess I'm confused.

would be far less relaxed if their son came home and reported this

Reprted what? 'Mum, there was a man who was staring at us and came to change next to us even though there was plenty of space' is one thing. I can't imagine my son 'reporting' there was a man showering, in the showers.

I would hope that they would bring their sons up to take the feelings of others into account i.e if they've been asked to cover up they would not think 'fuck it, I'll do what I want and sod other people'.

The morals are keeping his trunks on

What the heck is moral about trunks? (or socks, bras, bikinis, dresses, sheitels etc...?)

How about educating your children about personal freedoms, and not turning out another generation of “I’m more important than anyone else and my feelings matter most” snowflakes?

He's been spoken to so regardless of what was said, he hasn't changed his behaviours after being made aware that it is making people uncomfortable. He could easily do this.

One again, whilst he is not breaking any rules, that doesn't mean that he isn't doing anything wrong and yes, we should absolutely try to establish what it is he is doing that the boys find intimidating.

And if this was my DH or relative or friend, I'd be telling them to watch themselves even if it is totally innocent. he's have a hard time defending any accusations made - especially after he's been spoken to.

And its perfectly possible to soap yourself clean inside your costume.

“I’m more important than anyone else and my feelings matter most” snowflakes?

Oh behave. Would you say the same if you thought your daughter was being ogled at by a naked man? No, didn't think so.

Why is it on this man to do it?

becasue by simply going for his shower a couple of minutes early he could:

Stop the centre closing the sauna meaning he couldn't use it
Stop the centre from introducing and enforcing a rule of no naked showers
Stop the sports club having the extra cost of hiring the whole centre
Stop another adult having to watch the DC when they could be doing something more productive.

The first two of those benefit the man in question and the latter two benefit the wider community.

If we all behaved in a way that didn't break the rules but didn't consider other peoples comfort levels then it'd be a pretty fucking awful place to live.

And its perfectly possible to soap yourself clean inside your costume

The reality is though that if he did that he'd probably be accused of playing with himself judging by some of the comments on here.

If it's a children's sports club I would assume the children are being supervised both in and out of the pool.

The reality is that this man uses, and is allowed to use, the sauna and changing room in a way that fits his routine. He shouldn't need to change his routine for a group of random strangers nor should he have to justify why he does not wish to change it.

If the OP feels concerned about this then it is for her to make the change, not for the man going about his daily business.

OP now absent - lights the touch paper and retires!

Adults should not shower naked in front of children he myt mean no harm but why can't he wait for children to finish then do it I wouldn't allow my child to shower here as he doesn't need to see a grown man naked maybe say to the man

OP.. have the responses recieved helped you to decide your what to do about??..what is it?

Maybe they have spoken to their children and this man makes them uncomfortable for a valid reason. Once again, we don't know that he is simply going about his daily business.

What sane person would rather shower shower and change in front of 20 kids rather than by himself?

And yes, he is putting himself in a position for accusations, false or otherwise.