What would you do about this?

[whattodoaboutman]

I am posting this here for traffic. I don't know how to deal with this or if I am blowing it out of all proportion.

A local man is a frequent user of the local sports centre. Many people know him as he's there so often.

When there is a children's sports club on the pool is closed to the public but the sauna is still open. This man will use the sauna and then walk into the changing rooms and strip off when the room has about 20 children in there and then shower naked next to the boys in the shower which is also communal.

He then goes to change and stands next to the boys who are getting changed, the boys find this intimidating. There are no separate cubicles yet, though they will be provided soon according to the centre management.

I think this is inappropriate but when it has been mentioned to the club safeguarding person and centre management nothing has been done.

What should I do ?

I don't know, not wanting chlorine in your vagina and under your boobs all day,

You'd really have to contort yourself to wash in the shower as to avoid that issue. Perhaps you should request the gym puts a bath in...

It is if no one else does so in that particular changing room at that time (I.e. when children's lessons take place).

By that very definition, it would be if no one else was in the shower room and you still decided to shower naked by yourself.

Just because some people are showering in their swimwear doesn’t mean by any definition that a person choosing to shower naked it an exhibitionist.

In fact, by that thought process, if I was in a baby-parent group and everyone bottle fed their baby, am I risking being an exhibitionist if I take out my breast and feed that way instead?

It seems a bit off but unless he is doing it to be around the children he isn't actually doing anything wrong. Showering naked and being naked in a changing room is normal-it would be weird not to. He may just be using the sauna at these times because it's emptier due to the pool closure or he maybe a pedo. You have no way of finding out unless he tells you. I would suggest requesting that they close the sauna just in case.

At what age are you going to teach your sons that they have to change their behaviours because the default setting is that they must be a paedophile if they're doing normal things in the appropriate place?

You don't. The message is to be observant to the unwritten rules around them. If no one showers naked then don't think it is automatically acceptable to do so just because it is a changing room.

The message is to be observant to the unwritten rules around them. If no one showers naked then don't think it is automatically acceptable to do so just because it is a changing room.

It’s not an ‘unwritten rule’. It’s a bunch of self-conscious preteens showering in their trunks (which is their choice). And a man showering naked (which is his choice). There are no ‘unwritten rules’ on the correct etiquette for using a communal shower.

I don't think that giving that particular advice, as per my earlier post, would curtail anyone's life particularly. Showering in trunks is fine. It means the trunks get a rinse too. Tbh not showering until you get home is fine. That is the way I and my family have operated all our lives. At some outdoor pools and beaches there isn't even showers. It would not stop us swimming.

See, it started with someone being a bit uncomfortable about a man in the rooms with pre teen boys. He's not doing anything wrong, but I can sort of see what it is she's a bit uneasy with, even if I don't agree.

And then it degenerates into women complaining that it's wrong to shower naked in a communal shower room unless everyone else is doing it (anyone else spot the logo fail here?), that using a communal shower is exhibitionist, that the moral thing to do would be to waste your time going home dirty and changing your clothes and getting wet and dried a second time...

How do you people actually go about your lives?

There are no ‘unwritten rules’ on the correct etiquette for using a communal shower

Ha, ha! This thread shows that there, absolutely, are unwritten rules. If you chose to ignore them and you are choosing to, it might actually be to your own detriment.

How do you people actually go about your lives?

Easily. I'm not obsessed with getting showered.

I 100% agree with melj

If my son came home at that age and told him he was intimidated by the sight of a naked man who was going about his business and doing no harm, then I think I would have failed in some aspect of my parenting.
My son may well feel uncomfortable but that's his issue not the man's.

WaxOn you are confusing your sensibilities with pool policy

No, not at all, I'm standing up for the majority in this situation against some bloke that being an arsewipe.

Lots of people coming and going, some naked, some not in a busy changing room is vastly different to one bloke choosing to do it when he could equally not and also acting in an intimidating fashion.

he's probably not doing it for the thrills but we don't know that and in the meantime he is making other uncomfortable and opening him self up to the risk of being accused of inappropriate behaviour.

If you chose to ignore them and you are choosing to, it might actually be to your own detriment.

Or, we could argue that if you chose to invent a bunch of unwritten rules then they are to your detriment (having to stop your day to go home and shower properly).

But I’ll bite - I can’t see how it’s going to be detrimental for me to use a communal shower in the nude. Please could you explain...?

Not allowed to be naked in showers at our sports centre..vote with yr feet.yr not wrong op..

I can’t see how it’s going to be detrimental for me to use a communal shower in the nude. Please could you explain...?

Hygiene. Wouldn't want to brush against your arse print on the tiles that happened when you were contorting yourself to ensure every single part of you was fastidiously washed.

And people keep saying that he isn't doing anything wrong. None of us know that as we aren't there and also don't know his motivation.

Showering naked is not against the rules that's all we know for fact. We don't know if he is just going about his business or not. Should we just teach DC to ignore their instincts when they feel something isn't quite right? It could have a lot less to do with the fact that an adult male is in beside them naked and more to do with the fact that he may be deliberately intimidating them by standing close/looking at them etc.

I agree that the naked man is doing nothing wrong.
On the other hand, if I found myself in a situation where I was the only naked adult showering and changing in a room full of girls, I would take steps to ensure the situation didn't arise again - by going to the sauna at a different time, postponing my shower 15 minutes till the kids were out, or staying covered.

Someone who repeatedly gets naked, as the only naked adult in the room, at the exact same time as a group of children are changing, is someone I wouldn't trust.

I'd also be equally uncomfortable about an adult female behaving in this manner in a girls changing room.

I feel like I'm missing something....?

I love swimming and yes, I shower naked afterwards (haven't ever considered anything else, tbh.)

As for standing next to the boys in an intimidating manner...?

Idk, what is he doing...? I mean, if he's just minding his business and getting dressed? It just seems fine to me personally.

Hygiene. Wouldn't want to brush against your arse print on the tiles that happened when you were contorting yourself to ensure every single part of you was fastidiously washed.

A) Showers are washed regularly at my leisure centre.

B) The shower space is big and my arse small enough that I don’t need to push my arse against the wall (though that doesn’t seem to be to my detriment, does it)

C) I am cleaner after washing without my swimming costume.

D) I’m actually not even sure what I should be wearing to the shower and I mostly use the area after a gym session - I don’t own any suits specifically for washing and I can’t wash in my gym kit. What should I do?

Our local pool has open showers, and I have never seen a woman shower naked in there, ever. It's kind of an unwritten rule if there are children changing in there.
I'd be very uncomfortable if my child was using a shower next to a naked stranger. I would imagine the children are all wearing trunks? And I would question a stranger that thinks they're not risking questions by doing so on a regular basis, frankly.

Jane

Why would the children be wearing trunks...?
After they were bathing in a pool full of pee, snot, ear wax, chlorine etc...?

I help with school and the kids always keep swimwear on............