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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just called me b***ch in front of DC

95 replies

cherish123 · 11/02/2018 11:01

Name change.

Was just playing game with 10 yr old DC and DH said "beat the b*ch". I became quite upset and he said I was overreacting. I don't think I was. AIBU?

OP posts:
ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2018 11:03

YANBU but was this just a slip up by DH and he's embarrassed and therefore a bit defensive?

WonderfullySunny · 11/02/2018 11:03

I remember my dad calling my mum the same thing and it's crystal clear in my head to this day, I was 5 at the time so no YANBU.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 11/02/2018 11:04

Nope, totally inappropriate.I'd be angry though not upset.

BossWitch · 11/02/2018 11:04

Not okay in my book. I think my dh would be finding somewhere else to sleep for a few nights after that. The casual misogyny (which he is passing on to your dc by saying it to them) is actually quite sickening.

LadyLaSnack · 11/02/2018 11:04

Using misogynistic derogatory names about you is unforgivable anyway. Using them in front of your child is not only bring cruel to you, but is damaging to your child. Really horrible OP. Does he know what he was doing? Flowers

Yettilegs11 · 11/02/2018 11:05

Does he normally call you names in front of your 10 year old? Is this the first time?

I do not think you have overreacted it needs nipping in the bud. What would he have said if you had looked up and called him a cheeky bsd?

Patodp · 11/02/2018 11:09

You really don't want to normalise those sorts of insulting words in your own home so I'd be upset too

FizzyGreenWater · 11/02/2018 11:10

Jesus, no. That would shock me to the core and I would be gutted that he could be that kind of person - and that that was what my DC were seeing from their father figure.

Awful.

And yes I would let my DC see that I was furious and sickened by his language.

ArchchancellorsHat · 11/02/2018 11:11

Not over reacting, that's disgusting. Disgusting that he did it, and worse that he's teaching that to your dc. And the first reply is looking for an excuse for him?

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 11/02/2018 11:12

Not ok at all but if this was just a one off I think it can be nipped in the bud. Your dh needs to have a chat to your dc and explain he was very wrong to have called you that, it was him being stupid and he's very sorry.

1ndig0 · 11/02/2018 11:12

Has he ever sId that before - where did it come from? I would be really upset, yes. I can't bear that kind of thing.

FantaaTwistt · 11/02/2018 11:14

Yeah I’ll disagree with other posters. It sounds like a slip of the tongue tbh and to say you got ‘quite upset’ I would say you were over reacting.

You’re child might not have even seen it as that bad but you’ve made a deal of it instead of just saying to your DH ‘don’t say that in front of DC’ a bit lightheartedly

ShawshanksRedemption · 11/02/2018 11:19

@ArchchancellorsHat - Not an excuse no, as I said OP is NBU. But before I wrote anything more I think it's important to find out if this is just a slip of the tongue or not. If it was slip of the tongue then DH's embarrassment could explain him saying OP was overreacting. If a regular occurrence it could mean a very dismissive attitude and a pervasive misogyny intended to demean the OP.

Blackteadrinker77 · 11/02/2018 11:20

I wouldn't have a problem with it to be honest in this context.

AssignedPuuurfectAtBirth · 11/02/2018 11:25

Never in 20 years of knowing him has my DH 'slipped' and called me a bitch.

It's not acceptable. Whether in front of children or not.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2018 11:28

I would put that dog out of my house

Pengggwn · 11/02/2018 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoareyoukidding · 11/02/2018 11:35

YANBU

Charismam · 11/02/2018 11:35

oh that would make me see red.

It's not just that he lost control of his temper and was frustrated by an impasse that couldn't be resolved, if you see what I mean (still not an excuse)

For me it would be that he used ''bitch'' interchangeably with the word ''woman'' which I find to be deeply misogynist. He wasn't even angry with YOU. He used used bitch instead of your name. Or bitch as a word that means woman?

Grimbles · 11/02/2018 11:40

I agree with charisma. Personally I can understand a word slipping out in anger or the heat of the moment. But this context, being used in this casual way, would upset and annoy me.

Fraying · 11/02/2018 11:40

I wouldn't be happy about it but I wouldn't be upset. Was he angry with you or trying to trash talk in the spirit of the game? Either way, I'd want an apology and I'd want him to explain to the DC why it's not acceptable. But if he was using it in anger then I'd be even more concerned.

Original poster
cherish123 · 11/02/2018 11:43

He has apologised and explained to DC. It has not happened before. I think the fact it was not in anger but in just annoyed me the most.

OP posts:
upsideup · 11/02/2018 11:52

He has apologised and explained to DC

What more do you want him to do? I dont think I would let myself get worked up over it

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2018 11:52

Jesus, what is he, some over excitable teenager? Is he generally very immature?

Yes I'd be angry, yes I'd make it clear in front of the kids this was unacceptable language and yes, I'd wish an apology in front of them and I'd wish him to explain to them just why it was wrong.

Then I'd sit and ponder that I was married to a man who was so immature he forgot he was playing a game with his wife and kids and acted like he was fourteen.

Serious turn off in my view.

NotSoSprightly · 11/02/2018 11:56

Agree with Bluntness - this type of immaturity is a MASSIVE turn off. Eurgh.

I'd be fuming.

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