Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just called me b***ch in front of DC

95 replies

cherish123 · 11/02/2018 11:01

Name change.

Was just playing game with 10 yr old DC and DH said "beat the b*ch". I became quite upset and he said I was overreacting. I don't think I was. AIBU?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 11/02/2018 14:18

I'm just saying that it's something that could be addressed and moved on from pretty quickly.

Well that rather depends on whether there's a back story and how upset the OP is about it.

Even if most people wouldn't be too bothered by this (I think they would be, despite the tedious Cool Girls), the point is that OP is. So if her husband doesn't appreciate that and would still rather tell her it's really her fault for 'overreacting', it remains a problem.

I might find this less sinister if accusations of 'overreaction' weren't such a common and ubiquitous way of shutting women up over shitty treatment.

Some women don't like being called bitches by men and having jokes made about beating them up. How strange!

bridgetoc · 11/02/2018 14:19

Was he joking? If so, YABU.....

Cambionome · 11/02/2018 14:20

It's indicative of his attitude towards women, and you in particular op.

You need to really call him out on this - it's horrible.

PoorYorick · 11/02/2018 14:20

No and I'd probably say "oi you've gone too far there" and he'd apologise and that would be that.

Well there's the rub. I'm not sure if OP's husband did...certainly the first thing he did was put it back on her with the 'overreacting' shit. Perhaps he compensated later, but OP's got a right to be upset about it.

MissP103 · 11/02/2018 14:21

This word isn't even in my dh vocabulary so it would both shock us to refer to anyone in this way in whatever context. I would be so very upset. It would have a massive impact on us.
So so wrong to have done this especially with your dc.

Aragog · 11/02/2018 14:22

Never in 20 years of knowing him has my DH 'slipped' and called me a bitch.

This, exactly. DH has never referred to me in this way, even in jest. He wouldn't dream of it. So, a 'slip' just wouldn't occur. In the same way I wouldn't call him some derogatory term, even in jest.

Blackteadrinker77 · 11/02/2018 14:24

beating them up

That's some stretch, he was talking about beating some one at a game not physical violence

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2018 14:26

He said “Beat the bitch” to a child about his/her mother. On what planet is that OK?

gussyfinknottle · 11/02/2018 14:28

So many divorces? Maybe it's because my dh would never dream of saying something like this even in jest. Maybe if he said it, it would symbolise a bigger problem that he, his mummy and his no longer working house keys could work out away from me and his daughter.

upsideup · 11/02/2018 14:28

PoorYorick

I never mentioned women, I don't know if it is men or women advising the OP to kick out her husband over this.
What you say makes perfect sense, apart from there are pp's telling the OP that they would or she should divorce her husband over this one incident alone which is absolutely insane.

InsomniacAnonymous · 11/02/2018 14:28

It's clear that it's perfectly normal and everyday for some posters to use words like "bitch" "cunt" "fucker" and "bastard" when talking to spouses and family members. They think nothing of it, so don't comprehend the upset it can cause if you're not accustomed to it.
But if it's never been normal in your life it's surely understandable to be shocked at your husband suddenly referring to you as a bitch when speaking to the 10 yr old child with whom you're merely playing a game. OK, so it's in jest, but it's still very jarring and you would wonder where the hell that thought came from.

Jux · 11/02/2018 14:33

Horrible attitude to display, especially in front of a child. Awful.

berryferry · 11/02/2018 15:22

Even if most people wouldn't be too bothered by this (I think they would be, despite the tedious Cool Girls), the point is that OP is. So if her husband doesn't appreciate that and would still rather tell her it's really her fault for 'overreacting', it remains a problem*

Oh here we go with the cool girl shit, please don't tell me what I would or wouldn't be bothered by. It sounded like some crap misjudged trash talk during a game.

I don't know exactly what the OP's exact reaction was but if she was as horrified as some of the posters here I would think it was a bit of an overreaction.

berryferry · 11/02/2018 15:23

Even if most people wouldn't be too bothered by this (I think they would be, despite the tedious Cool Girls), the point is that OP is. So if her husband doesn't appreciate that and would still rather tell her it's really her fault for 'overreacting', it remains a problem

Oh here we go with the cool girl shit, please don't tell me what I would or wouldn't be bothered by. It sounded like some crap misjudged trash talk during a game.

I don't know exactly what the OP's exact reaction was but if she was as horrified as some of the posters here I would think it was a bit of an overreaction

PoorYorick · 11/02/2018 15:35

Oh here we go with the cool girl shit, please don't tell me what I would or wouldn't be bothered by.

I didn't. You told us. And the Cool Girl phenomenon is very real, and very shit. I do wonder why some women get so upset at the acknowledgement of its existence.

(Actually, I don't wonder why at all.)

I don't know exactly what the OP's exact reaction was but if she was as horrified as some of the posters here I would think it was a bit of an overreaction

Nobody need worry that OP is going to up and leave a wonderful man overnight. If she loves him, if her marriage is fantastic apart from this one absolutely disgusting comment, she's not going to ditch him and become a single parent just because some anonymous randoms in the land of Boden and no toilet brushes told her to.

Give her a bit of credit for intelligence and don't insult divorced women. They don't do it on a whim.

1ndig0 · 11/02/2018 15:42

I'm not exaggerating at all when I say that if DH ever called me that word - (or fing something or c) - then it would be the beginning of the end.

readysteadyteddy · 11/02/2018 15:46

There are some posters that post LTB for every post where it is halfway plausible. Or maybe it's just one namechanger doing it. Maybe they are bitter and twisted and want to see people's relationships in trouble?!

Elendon · 11/02/2018 16:45

If the OP had said 'beat the bastard' whilst playing a game with her son and her husband what would the reaction of posters be now?

My reaction if my son or brothers told me this would be that I really would think there was a lack of respect within the relationship.

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2018 17:14

“I didn't. You told us. And the Cool Girl phenomenon is very real, and very shit. I do wonder why some women get so upset at the acknowledgement of its existence.

(Actually, I don't wonder why at all.)”

Yep.

gussyfinknottle · 11/02/2018 17:16

It's a red line. Other things aren't. I have a daughter. I don't want her growing up in a home where it's ok for men to call women bitches.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page