To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

@NotSoSprightly I'm actually not overweight now, I'm a size 12. But a year ago I was a size 18. My DH doesn't comment at all either way, so I don't know whether it's an issue with him or not. At the most he's more worried about his own weight as he's had a problem with his cholesterol.

@NotSoSprightly I'm actually not overweight now, I'm a size 12. But a year ago I was a size 18. My DH doesn't comment at all either way, so I don't know whether it's an issue with him or not. At the most he's more worried about his own weight as he's had a problem with his cholesterol.

Also - it’s not about “/only/ confident fat women” have relationships, but it helps.

Ive not rtft but I’ve always been overweight (even as a child doing 4 nights of gymnastics a week!) I’ve never had a problem with men but honestly I don’t know how as I’m not confident either.
I’ve been with current DP for just over 5 years. He’s lovely. He’s an average size (he’s not fat but has a little extra roll here and there lol) I’ve gained a few stone since we first met but I was still a size 18 at 5foot 0. I have other friends who are (and have always been) on the larger side who are married or in long term relationships (with partners slimmer than them). I think you just need to meet the right person OP.

If you lack confidence or feel self conscious, that is what will come across. If you can just be happy with yourself (which still doesn't stop you losing weight if you want to) and be bubbly & chatty, you'll find you get more attention.

One of my best friends is about a size 24 and is the one girl I know who has to fight men off with a shitty stick.

She's just so confident and friendly and has shiny blonde hair and a killer smile.

Just goes to show its confidence not body size that gets you noticed.

I have a friend who is a size 22. She's an amazing person and is very glam And groomed. She online dates and is rarely single and never short of interest.
FWIW I have witnessed other women made rude remarks about her but never a man.
She's gorgeous. Op I bet you are too x

I was a size 24/26 for most of my life and have never really struggled attracting men. I have been told by a few exes that I have a really pretty face and guys prefer a pretty face and not great body to the other way around, but I have no idea if it is true or not. I have since lost 6 stone and am married, but met him while a size 24

It's not your size. I've always been large (18-22) and I've had and continue to have a lot of attention from men. In my younger days I had a few fuckbuddies, one night stands and boyfriends and now happily married with children. Some men are put off but others aren't. I've had some horrible people say I didn't deserve such good looking men in my life as I was overweight too. Downright horrible.

It's genuinely about confidence. Easier said than done but a killer outfit really helps.

And if you don’t get to the point of meeting them so they can’t see your killer outfit and amazing confidence?

I'm obese but had no trouble attracting men in the past.
I've been with OH for 6 years.
I'm well educated, good job, confident, dress for my size and I've always been told I'm well groomed. Also have no children.
The man who always seemed put off were mostly working class. I never had trouble attracting and keeping professional men. I believe it's down to confidence and being able to "hold your own".

I have been a lot of different sizes. As a teen I was a 14 when everyone else was a 10 but was quite attractive and good at flirting so I always had a boyfriend or male interest. I met DH when I was a size 16 and since then have fluctuated (smallest size 6 and biggest size 22). I have had male attention of some kind at most sizes. Confidence helps up to a point, but there will always be men who discount anyone over a size 8 (you don't want these men anyway) and lots more who overlook a size 18+, especially when you're over 40.

It is amazing how differently you get treated at a slimmer size. When really slim I felt really hurt on behalf of my bigger self when I realised how much more difficult life was for her.

Being bigger is certainly going to reduce your options, I'm sorry to say. Particularly in the shallow world of OLD.

And if you don’t get to the point of meeting them so they can’t see your killer outfit and amazing confidence?

I’m not sure in what situations you are meeting people, but for example OLD you upload pictures and converse with someone? If you are just expecting people to approach you without doing these things you won’t have much luck.

Juniper I appreciate the honesty I’d rather hear that than people insisting it is because I am somehow just not oozing confidence!

OP

Is being overweight a permanent state for you? Are you planning to lose the weight? Are you looking for a way to be encouraged to do so by seeking opinions? Would you date a big fella?

You could cut all the angst and just start, baby steps, today. Really, you could. I did, and im talking 8 stone here.

It does seem to be a permanent state, sadly. Have been trying to lose it since 2015.

Yes, I would date a big fella. I would also date an ugly one.

It isn’t angst. Sometimes I feel very sad I have missed out on so much and I wonder why.

I’m not sure “would you date an obese man” is relevant. Everyone has different tastes.

The type of man I would date is largely irrelevant anyway. As clearly I’m not inundated with offers!

What do you wear, how do you do your hair?

If you look like you have given up, men will take this a signal that you are not interested in sex/relationship.

Well, we’re getting a bit circular now which I suppose is to be expected.

What I wear - what fits. Not much, in other words

My hair is my one real claim to beauty.

Look up Tess Holiday she is obese & I bet she gets lots of male attention.

Do you make an effort with make up?

As a size 10 who doesn't wear make up and does wear dowdy clothes, I get no male attention.

I don't really understand the mindset of "You should be with someone for their personality, it's not about looks". Of course if someone is mega hot but a complete arse, don't be with them. They need to be a good person, BUT I also need to want to be physical with them. You can't blame anyone for that.

1. I want to have sex with my partner. In order for me to have sex with someone, I NEED to fancy them.

2. I know a tonne of lovely, happy, confident, funny men, who would probably be great to date. But I don't want to shag any of them, so why would I look past that and get into a sexless relationship?

OP, you really need to raise your standards! Why would you settle for being with someone you perceived as ugly? You deserve to be with someone you think is hot!

God I was thinking of asking a guy out and am having second thoughts after reading this thread seeing as I’m a size 16/18 and he’s really fit. Worried now he would laugh at my delusions!

I would argue that you’re more likely to meet someone nice. Yeah, you might meet people that can’t see beyond your body shape when you’re slimmer, but do you want to be with that person?

NotSo, I’m not, at all.

I dunno ... I can’t really see me meeting anyone now.