To wonder if you can actually meet someone nice when obese?

[silenthorror]

Before I get flamed to a crisp, I’m 100% talking about me!

I need to lose a good 5stone to be a healthy BMI, although generally speaking I can live with being a stone or so overweight. So 4stone at a minimum.

I’ve never had any interest from men really. And I can’t help but think it’s the fact I’m fat My parents used to lecture me about it and say I was just too big and it would put most boys off.

I know people will say they are overweight with a lovely husband but were you that size when you met?

I would welcome honesty

I met Dh as a teenager.
He was gorgeous and a big into sports.
I on the other hand was a size 18 with a very pretty older and even prettier younger sister.
Both sisters had men eating out of the palm of their hands and put lots of guys through the ringer.
I, on the other hand, married my first love because he saw something in me that he loved.
I have been happily married for 30 years now. However DD is of a similar build to what I was at her age and she never gets asked on dates even tho she is extremely pretty and the funniest girl you'll ever meet.

I think it's the times we live in. Whilst guys might indeed fancy and admire a larger lady they don't have the courage to be seen with a fatter person and worry what their friends will say.

I have kalinka but I hadn’t ten, twenty years ago, iyswim

I’m a size 22, about 6 stone overweight and bmi is morbidly obese.

I met my lovely husband after I had been single for a decade. He isn’t at all bothered by my weight and it didn’t put him off me at all.

He is slim, fit and sporty and when I met him I was convinced he was way out of my league, largely due to my appearance.

SandyY2K when I go up to a size 16 I am definitely in the obese range on a BMI chart.

A fat man + A fat woman = Happy times?

whats the aibu yes overweight people date skinny people and yes most people are attracted to not overweight people. so yes losing weight would probably increase male intention. i dont think any of these facts are new

Sounds a bit like you've given up op - loads of good advice on here but you're not taking it?

I'm big, much bigger than you.
I've never ever had a problem attracting men.
Until recently I really made an effort with myself. Eyebrows done, hair done, well applied make up. Nice clothes.
I've always had attention.

Contrary to what some posters have said, I've been the biggest girl in the room at times and still had more attention than slimmer women. It isn't always about weight.
Oh and I met DH when I was 15 ish stone.
It's all in the way you carry yourself.

You need to start reaffirming what you like about yourself you do read like the weight means you shouldn't be sexy, or attractive .... Some men really do like bigger women

yes u can. I met my dh wen I was approx 18 stone and he was about 12 stone which is healthy for his height and muscle tone and he is a lovely man we fit just right (don't want to get soppy but he truly is my other half)
My confidence was also non exsistent to the point I had to hand money over 2 my best mate to go to the bar for me on my round.
The right person is out there for you but u are not going to find him in ur living room as u said. When u go out with friends (yes u do need 2 go out with friends) don't have any expectations about meeting someone. Really try to forget anyone else is there except ur friends and let ur personality show, smile and laugh. Shyness is often mistaken for being rude, ignorant or just plain not intrested. If a guy asks for ur number and u like wot u see give it to him. Wear something fancy but that u are comfortable in, get ur hair done, it will go a long way to giving u a confidence boost.
wishing u lots and lots of luck
xx

I think those of you on here insisting it’s all about confidence are either deluded or overly optimistic. Of course being overweight negatively impacts on your ability to attract and keep a romantic partner. Generally speaking, men like slimmer women. There are some men out there who like fat women but there are less of them. If a fat woman happens to have other great traits like a sparkling personality, wonderful career, a pretty face or shared interests etc then maybe to their potential partner overall the positives outweigh the negative factor of being fat. For an overweight woman, she may settle for a man who she would not otherwise consider if she was slimmer and had more options.

Anecdotally I have seen this play out over and over again. My wonderful, artistic, kind, thoughtful oldest friend is obese. Absolutely no interest from anyone in sixth form. Moved away to university with a box of condoms tucked away in her toiletries bag. Condoms expired and she returned home having completed her degree, still a virgin with nothing more than a few text message flirtations and first dates that went nowhere. Had a brief relationship with a twunt who ditched her after his family made a few choice comments about her weight. Has finally aged 27, maintained a relationship with a man for 6 months. He is not very attractive, tight with money and they don’t have much in common. In short, she has settled.

And I have an obese friend who is married to a good looking, very successful and absolutely lovely bloke; and slimmer friends who are married to unattractive arseholes. The overweight friend certainly wasn’t the one who “settled”

Whilst I do agree that perhaps the initial ‘pool’ of men is smaller for larger women, it isn’t necessarily smaller when it comes to quality. We’ve all got friends who “settled”, slim and big. Take a look around you. The number of people, male and female, regardless of size, who appear to be married to someone they don’t even like anymore, is a surprisingly big percentage

Someone mentioned Tess Holliday upthread. I had to google her, but seriously: most men I know would not be attracted to someone her weight. I believe this to be a fact.

I think the ‘as long as you’re confident and well-groomed’ thing is overrated, unfortunately.

Yeah ... I really don’t think it’s about confidence.

I did once know a very big woman who met her DH on a fetish site but there’s no way I’d want to go down that road. For one thing, what happens if you lose the weight?

It's confidence.

I used to be 29 stone and never had a problem attracting men. Ordinary ones.. not the weird fetish/feeder ones.

Now I'm 10 stone and a lot less confident and more self conscious and I can't even pull a cracker.

Get your lippy on. Smile and chat and see what happens

Husky and Tomato, but what about obese men?

Often big people end up together

Just as many big men as big women

Obesity is not just a female "problem"

Sally I’m not being rude but do you honestly think it’s about lipstick, which doesn’t suit me anyway?

I really think you were attracting men with a strong preference for big women at that weight.

I think obesity certainly limits your choices. A large amount of men just wont fancy someone 5 stone overweight. It sounds harsh but fancying is a visceral thing. Equally, in terms of a relationship, that kind of obesity generally limits your ability to do fun things together (even a long walk, look around a country house etc). Even if it does not now, it will as you get older.

It did used to be the case that it was one rule for women and another for men but I think it is equal opportunity ‘discrimination’ now. How many women would date a 6-7 stone overweight man?

Having said all the above, projecting confidence and being interesting helps a lot and a significant minority of men do fancy overweight women.

My advice would be to start exercising and drop a little weight. A combination of being a bit thinner and gaining confidence will make you more attractive to men and, even more importantly, to yourself.

I don't fancy obese men and I agree that often fat people go out with other fat people. I think confidence attracts people, the fat people with partners tend to have more confidence and drive and not moan on about how fat they are and how they can't lose weight which just comes across as moany and lacking will power.
If you want to lose weight you have to really prioritise it and usually take up a sport.

I think different people find different people attractive. Lots of men find very large women attractive, in the same way that I am only really attracted to very tall and slender men...! That doesn’t mean that (when I was single, am now happily married!) if I had met someone who had an amazing personality but was larger than I’d normally go for I’d rule them out - they’d probably grow on me and I’d end up fancying them anyway maybe but on a dating site I probably pass them by.

I think for me it’s more about lifestyle. I’m very active, I like to walk everywhere, I don’t use the car unless I absolutely have to, choosing to walk into town and back (about a 20 min walk each way). I go to the gym 3-4 times a week and do a lot of dance cardio etc. I really don’t like sitting down during the day very much and at the weekend I like to be out all day doing outdoor type things. Luckily the rest of my family is the same but if I was starting over and considering dating someone I’d assume someone very obese probably wouldn’t want to do the same things as me.

I think personality must play a part. If you're an overweight person who moans ad nauseam about her weight and how miserable her life is then you won't attract friends never mind a partner. But if you're someone who just gets on with it, has fun with her friends, finds an outfit that suits her, then your personality will shine through.

I suspect OLD isn't the best place to be looking for a partner, though. Online, appearances matter first and foremost. I'm not attracted to very overweight or short men, so online I would overlook a man with those characteristics. You should focus on finding a hobby that you love, and get yourself to do it regularly. You will then make friends, and even maybe a potential partner.

Good luck.

10things, sure. Obese men might be more likely than average-sized men to be attracted to obese women. I don’t know.

If we’re talking about men in general, though, I think obesity narrows your options.

Well, for the most part I get positive responses to my personality. Certainly I haven’t had any ‘complaints’ and I’m more outgoing and friendly than many people I know, hence the dreaded bubbly comment.

Honestly I think it will put most men off, most men are not attracted to fat women - Are you attracted to obese/fat men? I’m certainly not! But you will find a few people who like bigger ladies, but this makes your dating pool smaller that it could be if you lost weight. Most obese woman (not all) in relationships have got fat during the the relationship, not before. I would not worry about men though tbh I would worry about your health, that weight is not good for you at all. Weight watchers and slimming world are really good options with lots of support. Good luck OP xxx

Do you know what would be really nice?

If we could stop claiming that because I’m not attracted to obese men, then men won’t be attracted to me.

I do not care about size. I do not have the luxury of being attracted to men. I would take almost whatever was offered but I am not offered anything

Sorry for sounding rude but it is getting quite irritating to have to explain this as it’s quite a painful thing to admit.

Men do not fancy me.

So whether I fancy them or not is totally irrelevant.

silenthorror But you have the power to do something about it! Loose the weight! This is a good thing 😊 going on a life changing diet can make you feel confident and empowered. I speak from experience