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Original poster

Is dd too young for this??

190 replies

malificent7 · 11/02/2018 03:35

Dd 9 ( year 5) has a boyfriend. Ge sounds lovely . He gave her a crisp, gave up his chair for her in assembly and grld open a door. This is all very cute.

Trouble is they text on instagram. Whilst i remember having crushes in y5 there was no such thing as instagram or texting.

Im just worried that she is too young to be forming such strong bonds and I dont want her to get hurt. All texts are read by me and very innocent.
I wish she was a bit more into her books and less into boys!

OP posts:
Tini17 · 12/02/2018 18:20

Agree with others, in answer to your question - not old enough for social media. Surprised you allow her access and then complain when she uses it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/02/2018 18:26

My dd is 9 and does have a basic phone. I bought it for when she went away on a camp and the occasional sleepover. She occasionally texts her friend or a family member and always shows me what she is doing.

When I upgrade, dd will get my iPhone if it still works but set to just be able to internet browse on home WiFi. She’s not a techy and is disinterested in social media thank goodness. But I suppose that’s because she only sees me mumsnetting as I don’t really do sm myself.

Until dd is much older, she won’t be allowed to go online without adult supervision. Unlike one of her friends, who is on her iPad constantly and uses Musical.ly to contact her friends, who have accounts. Ive just looked it up. As it is sm, the recommended age is also 13.

mrsnoname · 12/02/2018 18:31

I have a 12 yr old and no insta account as yet. I wouldn't worry too much about your DD and her BF "relationship" blossoming into anything more serious at their age, but I worry about the fact that our generation of parents cannot fight the "pressures" of buying mobile phones and allowing our children on social media way too early!! Someone needs to realise that it's US who drive this madness... our DC are not the ones going out to buy mobile phones which then leads on to opening accounts on fb, twitter, insta, musical.ly and the rest...

Mummaofboys · 12/02/2018 18:36

9 year olds with phones and Instagram, I must be very out of touch with today’s society.

JDSTER · 12/02/2018 18:36

Thanks @ZebraOwl for those links. I’ll be working my way through them.

My son is nine and doesn’t have a phone (won’t be getting one for a few years) and I definitely wouldn’t let him have any sort of social media account

LemonysSnicket · 12/02/2018 18:40

I had boyfriends at that age - a closed mouth peck was the extent of our intimacy and it just kind of meant if someone kicked a football at you head they’d tell them off lol

AssetRichIncomePoor · 12/02/2018 18:41

Texting for 30 years?! I don't think so. I am a bit of Luddite (still have a Nokia Brick), and discovered texting when DC who is now 16 was at primary school - so 10 years ago.

So far as social media and 9 year-olds is concerned, I am completely opposed to it. But I let DC5 have Instagram in Year 5 (or 6? Can't quite remember). Older DC (late teens - not interested on online life) are repulsively snooty about it and deride the younger ones for being into it. Not really sure which is worse.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 12/02/2018 18:44

Texting for 30 years?! I don't think so.

AssetRichIncomePoor I’ll just repeat what I said earlier:

I said texting has been around nearly thirty years now, and since the first text was sent twenty-six years ago, I’m correct.

It may not have been exceedingly common and you may not personally have done done it, but it has been around nearly thirty years.

serenablackfyre · 12/02/2018 18:46

I have recently seen on Instagram videos of animal cruelty (to raise awareness), penises and an anal plug being worn. I am 25, and came across them innocently (I certainly was not searching for them).

My peers all fall victim to the thinking that they don't get enough likes or followers. I have myself had odd people follow or message me. Is this type of content something you are happy with your 9 year old dealing with?

At the very least please familiarise yourself with what Instagram actually is. You have essentially allowed your daughter access to a form of social media you don't know much about.

Strongmummy · 12/02/2018 18:52

so to confirm , your 9 year old has a boy that is her friend and she’s especially close to? Or you’re concerned that they are being intimate/May become intimate and may share things together online? I’d hope the former and I think it’s odd referring to him as her boyfriend to be honest. If the latter, you’ve got bigger stuff to worry about than Instagram.

SnorkFavour · 12/02/2018 18:54

I'd be more concerned about your 9 year old being on Instagram. That's the real danger.

Most of us had bf's and played kisschase at 9 - that said it wasn't a 'thing' with our parents knowing we were an item, it was just a bf gf thing at school only.

Instagram has shocking content, sexually explicit stuff, inappropriate language and subjects generally. She shouldn't be on Insta at 9, no child should be.

Mine weren't allowed these things until they were older teenagers and none of them resent me for it now, although at the time they weren't always happy about it. My 10 year old hasn't even asked for it though yet, thankfully.

SnorkFavour · 12/02/2018 18:56

Also, see what Serenablackfyre says above, this is true and is the type of thing presented without searching for it.

gillybeanz · 12/02/2018 18:58

Why is it a boyfriend and not just a friend?
Mine is 14 now and when friends talk about having a boyfriend she asks them how often they snog, they soon decide it's a friend, not a boyfriend relationship Grin

AssetRichIncomePoor · 12/02/2018 19:03

Thanks for the clarification, whattodo. In another 26 years' time, I might have a Smartphone.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/02/2018 19:11

OP please take a browse through this site as well
www.thinkuknow.co.uk/
Its set up by CEOP (Child Exploitation section of the National Crime Agency) and has age appropriate sections as well as parent areas.

Nelly1727 · 12/02/2018 19:16

My 9 year old would definitely not be on instagram.

Sayhellogoodbye · 12/02/2018 19:21

If only parents would stick together on phones and ALL say no to phones until secondary school. There is always one who starts the ball rolling early though and then it’s follow the leader.

formerbabe · 12/02/2018 19:25

If only parents would stick together on phones and ALL say no to phones until secondary school. There is always one who starts the ball rolling early though and then it’s follow the leader

Completely agree. I have no idea why parents are so keen on giving their DC mobiles at such young ages...ie. the child doesn't walk home from school or go anywhere unsupervised so why do they need one? I have a DC in year 5, I'd laugh if they requested to open a social media account...not a hope in hell.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 12/02/2018 19:33

My SIL's daughter had IG at this age. I told her I thought it was a bad idea.

Two years later, some of them have shared REALLY inappropriate bikini pictures, lots of cuber bullying. It's a shit show. What a surprise.

JacquesHammer · 12/02/2018 19:37

Completely agree. I have no idea why parents are so keen on giving their DC mobiles at such young ages...ie. the child doesn't walk home from school or go anywhere unsupervised so why do they need one? I have a DC in year 5, I'd laugh if they requested to open a social media account...not a hope in hell

We gave our DD one when we separated because she asked if she could have one to text the other parent whenever she was at the others’ house. It was the only thing she was concerned about during the separation and so we agreed. She had an old phone of ours.

She still has no access to net/buying apps/social media aged 11.

I wasn’t prepared to say “no” to her request so other kids didn’t want to follow. You’re still their parent, you can still say no.

Some of DD’s peers have social media (at 11). DD doesn’t because we parent her.

AssetRichIncomePoor · 12/02/2018 19:43

IG as "shit show". How very right @butterflyofthestorms

sallythesheep73 · 12/02/2018 19:48

I wouldnt allow a 9 year old to have an instagram account.

jayne1976 · 12/02/2018 20:35

Wow, 9 years old and on instagram - that’s not good!

InToMyHeart · 12/02/2018 20:50

ljlkk you are spouting nonsense!

Muchtoomuchtodo · 12/02/2018 20:51

What concerns me most here is that op has allowed her dd to do something because 'everyone else is' without taking time to find out what she needs to make an informed decision on behalf of her vulnerable child.

This is unforgivable.

NSPCC have some good online safety advice on their website and there is a great app called NetAware that summarises lots of things such as Instagram and outlines what it can do and what the risks are.

It's also worth noting that O2 are supporting the NSPCC in their campaign and anyone can take any device into any of their shops to get advice and make sure that it is set up safely for DC to use.

It's not hard to find out this information and we are doing our dc a disservice by not informing ourselves.

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