Is dd too young for this??

[malificent7]

Dd 9 ( year 5) has a boyfriend. Ge sounds lovely . He gave her a crisp, gave up his chair for her in assembly and grld open a door. This is all very cute.

Trouble is they text on instagram. Whilst i remember having crushes in y5 there was no such thing as instagram or texting.

Im just worried that she is too young to be forming such strong bonds and I dont want her to get hurt. All texts are read by me and very innocent.
I wish she was a bit more into her books and less into boys!

Bowerbird
That’s outrageous but it doesn’t surprise me. At her 7th birthday party, dds friend immediately uploaded the video her parents had just shot of her blowing out the candles on her birthday cake to Facebook. Without asking permission from her parents. As in while the party was going on. She was therefore in yr2. Ive just checked out of curiosity and fortunately she doesn’t appear to have an account.

Ds had a ‘girlfriend’ in Y5, they messaged via WA, all innocent and lovely.

By Y6 they really didn’t like eachother and it cooled dramatically. They’ve both moved on to pastures new.

I think you’re overthinking this.

Internet safety guidelines in our area recommend that if a child really wants to be on social media under the correct age that you allow it but monitor it closely and make sure the children are aware of the risks. This way is believed to be better than banning social media and the children opening an account in secret and parents not being able to monitor usage and therefore also support the child if they come across anything inappropriate or there is bullying.

I don't have any advice on the gf/bf situation (I have DSs who have no interest in girls!) but if she's uncomfortable with the number of messages maybe help her come up with a strategy to limit the times she's online and how to let the bf know she'd like him to message less.

I think my 9 year old year 5 must live in a bubble!! No boyfriend/girlfriend stuff going on in his class or any kind of social media yet........

If you are ok with her going on IG and are monitoring the messages then I’m not sure what else you can do? Talk to her about being far far far too young for any kind of relationship and encourage her to just have friends instead?

I wouldn't feel comfortable with this. Being in constant contact is different I think to years ago when you only saw them at school.

I'm an old fashioned old gimmer. Children (little girls) that age shouldn't have 'boyfriends' .....friends who just happen to be boys yes of course but 'boyfriends' are for when you are older.

She's must too young to be on Instagram (and the time-honoured response to 'all my friends are allowed' is 'well, I'm not all your friends' parents, I'm yours, and I'm responsible for you') and I wouldn't encourage her calling him her 'boyfriend' - I would explain that they can be friends and that's lovely but boyfriend/girlfriend is something for older people, teenagers and up.

Much, not must too young. FFS.

Why on earth does your NINE year old have Instagram?! The texting wouldn't bother me but the social media use would. I check my 11 year olds messages regularly, and don't allow her to have social media yet.

I wouldn't have an issue with her having a boyfriend in year 5. I would, however, not allow Instagram at that age. If you don't want her to txt on Instagram, don't allow Instagram!

O/T Am I the only one who feels sad that general manners and courtesy are so rare that what I grew up with, every day manners and social niceties are now the anomaly?

He gave her a crisp, gave up his chair for her in assembly and grld open a door.

Nothing wrong with an innocent puppy love type BF/GF friendship at age 9 (even I had one of these 40 years ago).
EVERYTHING wrong with a 9 year old being on social media.
Everyone else might have it, but they are also wrong. Sometimes 'no' is really hard (I have one DD who persistently plays up bigtime when hearing the word about anything) but I'd use the legal requirements to help me on this one.
I have to say if IG use is widespread in a primary school I'd also be asking the HT to write and remind all parents that this is neither permitted nor wise and asking parents to exercise wise judgement and delete accounts.

Having said all this, none of my DDs have had anything resembling an iota of romantic interest and the two older ones (now teenagers) are still that way. Phew!

nine?! instagram?! boyfriend?!

How come you have let your 9 year old have insta gram?

Dd 11 and not allowed on it. You have to be 13

I remember getting texting when it first became available on my provider and it was about 98/99.

I think 9 is too young for insta and boyfriends personally. Actually I do think the texting makes a difference. Giving up a chair at school and offering crisps is one thing, but agonising over what to reply and what things mean is another and 9 is too young for that.

OP even regardless of the guidlelines and rules, Instagram is open and unpoliced (unlike facebook) and is covered in porn and nudity. Get your 9yo off it!

I have a year 5 boy who has a girlfriend in his class. They are very cute basically it means they are friends. They pass the odd note in class. Neither have a mobile phone nor does any child in the class. Why would 9 and 10 year olds need phones and social media?? Stop worrying about your daughter having a boy as a friend which is a healthy normal part of development and a way to learn about boys as friends. You need to worry about her use of social media and phones! Where do all these children with phones live? They certainly are not around here. They get phones here when they start secondary school and start getting buses or walking to school.

immediately uploaded the video her parents had just shot of her blowing out the candles on her birthday cake to Facebook.... Ive just checked out of curiosity and fortunately she doesn’t appear to have an account.
That makes no sense, does it? She couldn't have uploaded something to Facebook if she didn't have an account, could she? I'm not sire how you would be able to check anyway?
looks likely that she either didn't upload anything, or that she has an account set up so that random adults can't inspect it, which would seem sensible.

I have a year 5 ds who has had “girlfriends” but they are basically just friends.

My ds has told me some of his classmates have phones and are already on Instagram but he’s not and he won’t be for a good while yet. I don’t think he’s mature enough.

He also tells me that all his friends play 18 Xbox games too.

I don’t care what he says! Much mix too young’

Your problem here is not the boyfriend. It is your 9yo's access to the internet.

Too young to be on Instagram, even if all her friends are. Remove that, and your problem is solved.
The age recommendations are 13+, and as said there for a reason.
She is too young to fully understand the risks involved, and even if the account is fully supervised you will be unable to stop her searching a pleasant variety of #hashtags using words that mean one thing to an adult, and competely another to a child. R-rated content abounds amongst seemingly innocuous word combinations.

Does she understand even with a private account ( which I hope you have insisted on), who she should accept as friends? Does she use a passport style photo and her real name? Do you regularly review her friends list? Do you understand what the necessary settings are? Do you understand the emoji language, used frequently to get around parents who supervise accounts? ? Does she know how to report , block and ban? Does she understand what a digital footprint means? Did you know she can be bullied by the disappearing DM feature?That you might not actually be reading all the texts? Does she know what's appropriate to take photos of and what is not? Tha's alot for me to type- and it's the remarkable 9 year old that can understand all that.

Instagram was ranked the the worst app for causing mental health issues in pre-teeens and teen girls last year. More and more studies are rolling out showing how detrimental it is for developing teens, let alone children. It creates low self-esteem, FOMO in teens, and teaches then a horrible message about linking your self-worth to the number of likes and your appearance. Kids will do really stupid things to get the validation from peers that they want.

And for the poster who stated banning is ineffectual, that is advice and reasons given more often for parents using it as a means to punish kids for mis-using social media at an older age than 9. A punishment. Not as a preventative measure.

If as a parent, you secure the app store, and install a supervisory app that details a childs activity on your server at that age, you can stop them pretty thoroughly from having any social media. Qustodio or Net Nammy are good options.

Nine is too young for social media, I cannot emphasize this enough.

No way would my 9 year old be on social media. And I don't give a flying monkeys what her classmates are doing. The age limits exist for a reason and 9 is far, far too young.

*Net Nanny - awesome typo