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Original poster

Is dd too young for this??

190 replies

malificent7 · 11/02/2018 03:35

Dd 9 ( year 5) has a boyfriend. Ge sounds lovely . He gave her a crisp, gave up his chair for her in assembly and grld open a door. This is all very cute.

Trouble is they text on instagram. Whilst i remember having crushes in y5 there was no such thing as instagram or texting.

Im just worried that she is too young to be forming such strong bonds and I dont want her to get hurt. All texts are read by me and very innocent.
I wish she was a bit more into her books and less into boys!

OP posts:
CommanderDaisy · 11/02/2018 09:59

Polaroid vs Instagram not different?

Could you have your private Polaroid shared across the world between random strangers if you broke up with your boyfriend? Or could you be threatened with this if you didn't want to do something?
Could you find your Polaroid in a selction of paedophiles libraries half-way across the globe?
Did you get multiple Polaroids every day from people whose lives look better than yours?
Could your bully at school follow you home and hang out with you 24/7?

I'm sorry, it's not a comparison. Especially at nine.
The esssence of the idea of historical communication is there, but Instagram is very different, with much more potential to cause harm.

wakemeupbefore · 11/02/2018 10:00

WTF is your 9yo DD on bloody Instagram? She happens to chat with a nice child at the moment, but there will be others who might not talk puppies.

Angry

It is exhausting to see parents whinge and wring hands over dear darlings being bullied on social media. Well, don't allow them to use the bloody things in the first place. The 'everybody uses Insta' sob story shouldn't matter an iota, you are the bloody adult, use your brain and common sense and act as a parent.

Snowysky20009 · 11/02/2018 10:05

9 is too young for social media.

Ds's didn't have phone until Year 7, and only because they caught public buses for school and had after school clubs etc.

They were at the end of year 7 before they were allowed Instagram, and they only posted mindcraft stuff.

OnARainbow · 11/02/2018 10:06

I'm sorry but at 9 she shouldn't even be on IG

My daughter is 9, approaching 10 and doesn't even know what IG is! If she did and asked for it it would be a big fat no from me. Not that she could anyway as she does not have a mobile phone to facilitate it.

Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 10:48

Here's a link to the campaign mentioned above:

www.sign4year9.com

Please please do sign up. The more parents who take this on board the better.

wakemeupbefore · 11/02/2018 11:10

Dancegirl, signed.
It's us, parents, that must take the responsibility for our own children and what they have access to.

Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 11:13

Great wake please spread the word.

BarbarianMum · 11/02/2018 11:18

Texting was not common 30 years ago - I was 16 then and mobile phones didn't even exist in the lives of ordinary folk.

9 is far too young for social media. Playing at having a boyfriend is pretty common but I wouldn't worry about it, at least one of them will be bored of it by next week.

ForalltheSaints · 11/02/2018 11:19

I agree with others that 9 is too young for social media.

Chapterandverse · 11/02/2018 11:21

She's much too young for social media.

And all this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff is nonsense..but when encouraged by parents I'm at a loss.

Mine are teens and though not mollycodled, are encouraged to put school first.

BarbarianMum · 11/02/2018 11:29

Small children don't really like being "in charge". It makes them insecure and anxious and the truth is that they don't actually want half the time. She sounds unhappy and spoilt by choice.

How about you try being in charge? Set some boundaries, stick to them, explain what's going to happen and teach her how to follow the rules. That doesn't mean you can't play or have fun, it does mean you need to act like a grown up not a doormat though.

BarbarianMum · 11/02/2018 11:30

Apologies ignore. Totally wrong thread Blush

soontobeamum1982 · 11/02/2018 11:35

I wouldn't worry too much. It's just like passing notes in class, but with the benefit that because of the technology you have a chance to read them first and can talk to her about it if she has any worries!

JacquesHammer · 11/02/2018 11:40

It's just like passing notes in class, but with the benefit that because of the technology you have a chance to read them first and can talk to her about it if she has any worries!

it really isn't.

Passing notes in class doesn't come with the added spice of the potential bullying/grooming/seeing adult content issues.

Instagram has a 13 age limit for a reason.

Your DD isn't too young to have a friend who's a boy and to message him - but why not use one of the countless messaging apps that aren't attached to social media.

DD won't be getting social media until she meets the age requirements. That's non-negotiable and she knows it.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 11/02/2018 11:42

If they want to text that's great but Instagram?If you look at teens,the internet and depression then Instagram is right there at the top.If you worry about a little 9y old relationship then you could worry about social media for this age group.

Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 12:36

Well, don't allow them to use the bloody things in the first place. The 'everybody uses Insta' sob story shouldn't matter an iota, you are the bloody adult, use your brain and common sense and act as a parent

Totally agree.

Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 12:37

Passing notes in class doesn't come with the added spice of the potential bullying/grooming/seeing adult content issues

Add into that potential damage to children's mental health/self-esteem because they don't have the emotional maturity to handle the issues.

CB1234 · 11/02/2018 12:56

@soontobeamum - it really isn't. IG has pornographic images on and that's just for starters. And unless the parent is screening all messages then they wouldn't get to read them first. This would only be the case if the phone was in the parents possession or the IG app was signed into the child's name but on the parents phone. I don't mean to be patronising, but if you really are soon to be a parent you need to educate yourself on social media. Last year, my daughter was in year 6. Several of her friends had open social media accounts with, in some cases, thousands of followers. The app has videos of the girls dancing and lipsyncing to music. They were often filmed in their rooms in their school uniform. Two of the girls received direct messages from weirdos. One threatened her and she is still suffering from anxiety now. And the other was asked where she lived etc. It was also used to bully and ostracised other girls. Why would anyone introduce this at 9?

My 12 year old doesn't even have social media. Although she does have a smart phone but I have installed an app to block certain sites and words etc and I regularly read her messages. My other DD aged 9 does not have a phone and neither do any of her friends. That's common where we live.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 11/02/2018 13:33

Since you’re all mulling over how long texting has been around, I said texting has been around nearly thirty years now, and since the first text was sent twenty-six years ago, I’m correct.

It may not have been exceedingly common and you may not personally have done done it, but it has been around nearly thirty years.

But that really is by-the-by and not really relevant to this thread. The point I attached to that was that the previous generation has not suffered any damage from texting a peer when they were a kid/pre-teen/teen, which is what the OP was worried about.

That said, I do agree with the majority that nine really is too young for Instagram, although that didn’t seem to be a concern for OP.

ljlkk · 11/02/2018 14:12

As a kid, When you're bullied in real life, the bullies go to your school, live in your neighbourhood, join your clubs. Your parents socialise with their parents so drag you to social occasions with your tormentors there. There is no escape.

Bullied by some stranger online? Hit BLOCK and they're gone forever. Bliss.

Instagram is a lot safer than Real life.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 11/02/2018 14:12

She shouldn't be on instagram, there is a very good reason social media all say not for under 13s. I work in a primary school and we have to record children mentioning social media to us as a safeguarding concern because it really isn't safe for children to be using it. Even if she's careful there have been incidents of people pretending to be a child and adding their class mates, its really not worth the risk.

maddiemookins16mum · 11/02/2018 15:54

I don't think I sent a text until the late 90's, I certainly never had a mobile until about 99 (but then again I was still watching videos then and playing tapes), I was a bit slow with 'new fangled' devices 😊😊.

PatheticNamechange · 11/02/2018 15:58

Wow. 9 yo on instagram!!! I have a dd who is 9 and I would not allow her to have access to instagram.

If you do allow it, can you download her account on to your phone so you can check the messages. I think that is the least you should do.

CommanderDaisy · 11/02/2018 20:50

ljlkk you have no idea what you are talking about. At all.

TriniRedVelvet · 11/02/2018 20:59

The minimum age to open an account on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Tumblr, Kik, and Snapchat is 13. For Vine, Tinder and Yik Yak it's 17. YouTube requires account holders to be 18, but for YouTube a 13-year-old can sign up with a parent's permission.