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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell someone their kids should come first

433 replies

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 10/02/2018 10:58

Yesterday I was meeting with some friends one of which I’m not as close with but she always tags along which is fine. We got onto the subject and she said how she doesn’t have any money to buy her kids some new school shoes. Before that topic had came up she was saying how a family member was on holiday and was getting her some cigarettes and alcohol and it was really cheap. (She was paying for it)
Usually I bite my tongue but she just pissed me off.
I said to her how about maybe she should stop drinking and smoking and buy her kid the new school shoes they need. She only has 2 kids. She was a bit gobsmacked. Didn’t really say much just made up an excuse and left.
Am I the only one bothered by the fact that people not putting their kids first and complain about the kids not having any nice clothes etc when they spend a majority of their money on stuff they don’t really need.

I don’t drink or smoke and I just about make ends meet, the only time I buy stuff for my self is Christmas and birthday. All my other spare money gets spent on my fast growing children. Esp3cially my son who seems to grow inches every day 🙈 I manage to £50 for holiday every month and £50 for Christmas every month. I’m not the only one that feels like this right?

OP posts:
pimlicolife · 10/02/2018 14:31

I actually don't think you were rude. It's just that you told the truth and she didn't like it. That's her problem!

NewPapaGuinea · 10/02/2018 14:33

The way I see it is she presented a problem (no money for shoes) and you gave her a pretty obvious solution. Who cares if you were rude or not, the child is missing out on a bare essential for some fags and booze.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2018 14:33

As you said she has a form for this, so it's to be expected, good on you.

HairBlues · 10/02/2018 14:33

You did right to call her out on it, we are a nation of never saying what's needed because rude/judgey etc, but that's how poor decisions and poor actions are allowed to fester especially where children are involved. You told her a home truth, I don't think that's rude, I think you are sticking up for those children. And good on you for that.

Ivymaud · 10/02/2018 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DullAndOld · 10/02/2018 14:39

" All the right-on Guardian readers are indignant, of course."

it isn't about reading the Guardian, don't be silly, it's about hey not let's judge some woman that we don't know, that the OP clearly already dislikes.

Lweji · 10/02/2018 14:52

All the right-on Guardian readers are indignant, of course.

Erm...
I'm a Guardian reader and I agreed with the OP.
Grin

Oliversmumsarmy · 10/02/2018 14:53

I really don't know anybody who puts fags and booze before their children's welfare irl

I know loads.

Don't blame you op. I think I would have said the same.

Pointlessfacts · 10/02/2018 15:04

Wasn't rude at all, you just said what others were too scared to say.

Most people are far too sensitive to honesty. Don't tell people your business if you don't want to be told where you are going wrong

Original poster
Sophisticatedsarcasm · 10/02/2018 15:07

I don’t dislike her....just dislike her choices. And like I’ve said usually I don’t say anything.. I think I just reached boiling point. I’m all for people buying what they want just surely your kids need should come first?

OP posts:
DullAndOld · 10/02/2018 15:09

Reading your text about her carefully, it is fairly obvious that you do dislike her, the 'tag along'..

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2018 15:10

It would have been rude to just tell her like that, but she instigated the subject, and needs to realise people will comment. Those giving op a kicking, your sympathy is totally misplaced, should be with her kids not having decent shoes as their mum has bought booze or fags instead. Some posters on here, used to be those kids, and it is so sad. Good on op for speaking up, mabey more should.

ThinkingQueSeraSera · 10/02/2018 15:11

YANBU

Dragongirl10 · 10/02/2018 15:13

YANBU, and not rude, she said her kids need shoes, but spends her money on cigarettes and booze, you say stop buying cigarettes and booze and buy shoes......not rude in my book.

If friends don't want a comment they shouldn't moan about problems repeatedly to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/02/2018 15:19

I would also give her a very wide birth now, and just avoid her, as she is not really your type. She does not sound mine either.

Jaxhog · 10/02/2018 15:21

Good for you! I'd like to think I would have done the same.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2018 15:25

' I wondering if some of these people who are heavily objecting my point so the same as my “friend” and maybe I’ve hit a nerve 😊'

Because they don't agree with you? Don't flatter yourself. The dripfeeding, now you've extended the saga to include drug use, and 'tag along' make you sound very unpleasant.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2018 15:26

You don't like her, but hang out with her anyway.

InToMyHeart · 10/02/2018 15:27

You were very rude to say it but not unreasonable to think it. School shoes for her kids are more important than cigarettes and alcohol.
I wouldn't have said anything but I would definitely been thinking that she was selfish.

BMW6 · 10/02/2018 15:27

You were not rude. She introduced the topic and good for you for pointing out the obvious - child's need for shoes trumps her need for fags and booze.
Maybe this is the wake-up call she needs. Might not change anything but at least she got called for the bullshit.

Lollypop701 · 10/02/2018 15:33

You weren’t rude at all... if someone puts something out there they are expecting a comment. If she doesn’t like it, don’t ask. Why are you expected to just listen? Isn’t she rude for putting you in this position?

HappyFeet1212 · 10/02/2018 15:36

I read the Guardian and I think you were right. She's a selfish cow.

It doesn't sound like you properly laid into to her, just disagreed with her & expressed your opinion, nothing wrong with that at all.

Who cares if she didn't like it. Who cares if she thinks you were rude.

ftmtb · 10/02/2018 15:46

Why is OP being told she's rude and shouldn't have said anything? Selfish stupid women like this need to be told

I8toys · 10/02/2018 15:49

Think you were truthful not rude. Unfortunately the truth hurts! But then I'm old school - children should come first for that small amount of time that they need you. Before and after be as selfish as you want!

ThatsWotSheSaid · 10/02/2018 15:53

She was probably just moaning because school shoes cost so much, I doubt she literally isn’t getting them any. You do sound rude TBH. The weed thing sounds bad but I bet her version of these events are different from yours. You clearly judge her for her lifestyle maybe you should avoid her in the future.