AIBU to think this is child abuse? (trans related)

[pisacake]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/feb/10/raising-a-non-binary-child-as-long-as-one-of-the-side-effects-wasnt-death-it-was-the-right-way

Basically 14yo daughter came out first as lesbian, then as a boy shortly after that. She didn't want to be examined by NHS gender clinic she was referred by trans-child charity to private 'trans-your-child-by-post' GP gendergp.co.uk/.

Said Dr. sent puberty blockers, then 3 months later testosterone gel, but had second thoughts, stopping the T-gel, and remaining on the puberty blockers. Now her mum says 'It will be 18 months before they can even be referred for adult surgery. '

AIBU to think that this is horrific child abuse and that these medications should not even be an option for children under the age of 18, confused about their sexuality?

Why is the Mom surprised her daughter had a larger build with less feminine features...based on the picture of the Mom, she's clearly unfamiliar with the expression "The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

The couple of TV programmes I've watched about this heavily feature single mothers with children who have little contact with their fathers. Most of the articles I've read are mothers on their own with children.

I do wonder if the mother being socially isolated is a factor in all of this.

I'm not blaming single mothers at all by the way, but I can see how trans support forums can seem like a lifeline when you are struggling with your child and you don't know why.

They all offer a very simple solution, don't they? "Your child is unhappy. We can make your child happy. Do this. You are a great and strong and wonderful parent".

Problems are that you can't change your child's sex. Ever. No matter what the cheerleaders are telling you. And you risk damaging your child hugely. You won't see these people for dust when your child tries to de-transition.

*Mermaids really really need to be seriously looked at - would the charities commission be interested?

Webberley is no longer allowed to work with trans patients unsupervised*

Exactly what I was thinking - Here are the charity details.
beta.charitycommission.gov.uk/charity-details/?regid=1160575&subid=0

Here's how to complain about a charity

www.gov.uk/complain-about-charity

Report serious concerns to the Charity Commission, for example if a charity is:

not doing what it claims to do
losing lots of money
harming people
being used for personal profit or gain
involved in illegal activity

I think Mermaids is doing at least three of those - not doing what it claims to do (it just claims to offer support, but it's handing out medical advice) harming people (see www.thetimes.co.uk/article/mermaids-uk-charity-ban-as-boy-forced-to-live-as-girl-dvx3j99cn for another example) and involved in illegal activity - encouraging giving controlled drugs to under 16's.

Loads of grounds for complaint I reckon.

The journalist says 'thanks to @mermaids_gender parent Ally'.

So this is their doing, all of it.

They want to sterilize and castrate children.

twitter.com/_jennasloan/status/962255596606185472

I read that article and felt very uncomfortable, At 13 my oldest wasn't wearing making and heels. She is now at University on a traditionally 'male' course. So what? She is a perfectly happy straight young women with lots of gay friend. I think many of her friends from school later came as gay because that was the crowd she naturally fell in with - the many children who don't conform to traditional stereotypes growing up. No need to try and medicate, let them grow and develop and find their way.

Poor Caleb - and I feel sorry for her Mum. They sought support but what they got instead was a pressure group seeking to enforce their type of social change, not wise listening and a problem solving support

splatattack

Transgendertrend has some good advice for schools - they have new version about to be published next week apparently:
www.transgendertrend.com/schools-resources/

There are also some useful points about schools and the law on this mumsnet thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3154752-Trans-extremism-schools

Ally noticed that Caleb was not going to be a typical little girl at a young age: Caleb was very androgynous and a big, muscly child – “not feminine at all. It was then I thought perhaps I was going to have a gay daughter – which would have been fine.” Caleb struggled to fit in at primary school

Not being fattist but wouldn't putting your daughter on a diet been the way to go.

Judging by the build of the mother doesn't she think she should trans? If not why not. After all she looks exactly the same as she describes her daughter and came to the conclusion she needs to become male

Floriad - gah, lost my post!

Happy to talk about it. I was put on this type of drug at 25, so long past puberty and stayed on it for 2 years. Oh

My 10 y dd spends her life playing sports with boys and dresses in mostly "boys"clothes. She doesn't do dresses etc because they are harder to run around in. When asked why She dresses like that she says because boys clothes are comfy.
Do I need to book her in because she isn't conforming ? Nope she is just an individual, who doesn't need to dress as a "girl" Doesnt mean she wants to be a boy , she just prefers being comfy and spends more time with boys because more boys than girls play the sport she likes. Actually I lie she she once said she wished she could be a boy so it be easier to wee outside ! Actually maybe I should book a doctor's appointment after all ??
I really worry about these poor kids that are being pushed into such extreme treatments at such a young age.

Ugh, I’ll try again!

It put me into temporary menopause so had some temporary effects while on it (hot flushes and extreme weight loss).

Longer term, I had loss of hair and breast tissue which never returned.

I also suffered what’s called “loss of libido” but is actually complete revulsion and panic at any kind of physical contact. This lasted seven years, and recurs any time I have a change in hormone levels, which is a fucker when you have endometriosis and need to take hormones. This nearly destroyed my marriage and badly affected my mental health.

During the treatment I started suffering from fatigue, muscle and joint pain. This was diagnosed as ME and fibromyalgia. Even after stopping it gradually worsened until I had to completely stop working two years after I finished the treatment and I’ve only been able to work very part time since then (7 years ago is when I stppped working). I believe this is actually caused by a rare type of hypothyroidism caused by pituitary gland dysfunction, since this drug works on the pituitary gland, but it presents differently and doctors won’t take me seriously so I can’t get any help with this.

I regret ever agreeing to the treatment and the fact it’s being given to developing children fills me with absolute horror.

This is shocking. I can't believe that website content.

The transing of children is absolutely abusive. Let them make their own decisions when they are adults.

It sounds like Caleb has gender dysphoria and is a very confused child. All of you criticising the mum and doctors here, what would you do if your child hated themselves and desperately wanted to change? If your dc was threatening suicide?"

It sounds to me like Caleb is a gender non conforming child - if I had such a child, I a)wouldn't make a big deal about it and b)if they had mental health problems because of bullying, would move heaven and earth to get them proper support, not stick them on hormones they didn't want to take prescribed by a GP currently suspended by the GMC.

As far as I can tell from the article, the child was never diagnosed with gender dysphoria the mother and mermaids have just labelled a child.

It sounds like Caleb has gender dysphoria and is a very confused child. All of you criticising the mum and doctors here, what would you do if your child hated themselves and desperately wanted to change? If your dc was threatening suicide?"

What would you do if your child had anorexia and hated themselves and desperately wanted to change? If your dc was threatening suicide if they didn't lose weight?

This girl's school sounds utterly shit at dealing with bullying - I'd have been up there all guns blazing, and getting the media involved about that.

Transition does not seemed to have alleviated her problems one tiny bit. I hope that as she gets older and gains independence, she will find "her people" and leave off the gender stuff so she can get on with her life.

Don't quite know what would have happened to me.

Never worn make up, don't own a dress or a handbag. Work in a very male oriented environment.
Jobs I wanted to do growing up were all considered male jobs

Age of consent, age of consent, age of consent, age of consent.......

Doctors are reluctant to sterilise women in their 20s and 30s "in case they change their minds" but a child can take life changing drugs with no clinical supervision and influenced and supported by Mermaids, a political pressure group (i.e an organised group that seeks to influence government / social policy or legislation).

Why are those paid to safeguard children silent about this?

"Your child is unhappy. We can make your child happy. Do this. You are a great and strong and wonderful parent".

I agree. It seems to be treated like the cure to.. well, pretty much everything.

Probably also let's these parents feel like they're part of something "bigger".

They're on the front of this issue, helping their and other children and also get to be part of a community...

It's horrifying that kids are given a chemotherapy drug to prevent puberty. Isn't adolescence a time of brain development? So that doesn't get to happen. And the side effect of bone thinning. Poor kid.

Tweet from Mermaids

My daughter's best friend at one point wanted to be a boy. She was about eight when this happened. She had her hair cut short, wore boys clothes and did activities that more boys take interest in than girls. The reason she wanted to be a boy was because she thought boys did cooler stuff, though having a penis struck her as a step too far. She now wants to remain a girl, (she's 11) but still looks like a boy and that's fine with all of us.

My daughter is in early puberty, and she finds that clothes found in the "boys section" of clothing shops are cooler than in the "girls section". She's getting hips so we have to buy jeans accordingly, but most of her tops and t-shirts can be found in the "boys" bit. My daughter likes comics, graphic novels, Marvel, gothic novels, computer games and collect female Funko toys. She loves Agent Carter and her kick-ass attitude. She likes playing with her hair, but otherwise she isn't a "girly girl" and that's fine with all of us.

That article is looking for ways to label our kids when all we really should be doing is supporting their choices and celebrating who they are. Being 14 is confusing enough without your mum marching you to discredited medics wanting them to "fix" your kid. I didn't know who I was until well into my 20s, so the read this article strikes me as crazy, and potentially harmful to the child. Madness.

Sorry posted accidentally, this is a tweet from mermaids

"More and more young people are coming forward and refusing to conform to male or female gender norms. www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a16573995/united-states-teens-identify-transgender/ … The next generation are the ones pushing the boundaries of gender identity and examining gender in a critical light. Mermaids is here to support them"

By sticking them on unnecessary hormones and telling them to get unnecessary surgery, just because they don't conform to gender norms? As opposed to saying 'being a girl/boy doesn't mean you have to dress or behave a certain way'?

I think most of us wouldn't classify that as support.

Strange “puberty blockers” are NOT chemotherapy. They are used in the treatment of some oestrogen receptive cancers in men and women but they are not chemotherapy, they are GrnH analogs and nothing like chemo.

VangoghsleftEar - I'm an adult, but often buy 'mens' clothes, they're looser/more comfortable in most cases. And walk down any high street and you'll see people of both sexes wearing broadly similar clothes - jeans, trainers and so on.

The ludicrous idea that all women (even teenagers) wear high heels, make up and pretty dresses all the time would be mocked by the Guardian if the Daily Mail said it, but when they say it about a 'non binary' child, it's fine apparently.

I urge you all to read your school's trans inclusion policy. Ours (primary) urges the strongest sanctions for any child or adult who fails to respect a child's chosen pronouns. They also promise unquestioning support and monthly meetings with the head teacher to ensure that the child's every whim is adhered to.

I suspect it's been written by Mermaids and just unquestioningly adopted by schools across the country.