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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends DH broken loaned item

202 replies

welshmist · 09/02/2018 16:01

OH lent an electric meat slicer to a friend for a party, he broke it apparently, his DW has messaged us saying she has bought her DH a new one because he liked it so much, should she throw out our broken one. I paid £150 for the item as a present, I am annoyed that she is being so cavalier about this, DH says to say nothing but I feel bloody annoyed that it will cost us another £150 to replace it.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/02/2018 16:41

The other thing you could do is play the wide eyed innocent and text back, "oh dear, is there some confusion, were you under the impression it was a gift? "

KarmaStar · 09/02/2018 16:42

Hi OP
I'd be really annoyed at their attitude and tell her she needs to replace it in no uncertain terms.

Allthewaves · 09/02/2018 16:43

I'd give your dh two choices

  1. If he's not going to say anything, you don't want to hear about it again.
  2. He asks friend to replace it.
MargotLovedTom1 · 09/02/2018 16:44

Nope. No faux innocence or passive aggressiveness or obliqueness or anything. Just say straight out that you want it replaced or money towards a new one (amount dependent on how old/used the original one was).

WeAllHaveWings · 09/02/2018 16:44

You bought the item as a present for your dh, he lent to friend who broke it. Its your dh's meat slicer so up to him what he wants to do.

To work out if they ABU, you need to understand if it broke because it was faulty/old or if they were careless with it. If it was faulty is it still under warranty? If they were careless your dh could ask them to try to get it repaired. Either way, its his meat slicer, his friend, and his choice.

MargotLovedTom1 · 09/02/2018 16:45

'Nope' was to Bluntness.

Snowysky20009 · 09/02/2018 16:45

How the hell are you ignoring this? Grow a pair, pick a message off here, type and send! Jobs a good un, as they say!

SandAndSea · 09/02/2018 16:48

Are you sure that they broke it? Any chance it had reached the end of its natural life? Just checking.

ginch · 09/02/2018 16:50

Was it on it's last legs? How did they break it?

MiddleClassProblem · 09/02/2018 16:51

Do did this all happen before Christmas?

MrsWombat · 09/02/2018 16:54

Definitely get the broken one back to check it actually is broken.

Troels · 09/02/2018 16:56

omg what a CF.
Are you sure they haven't got a replacement on their insurance like someone else suggested.
Just call the Dh up and tell him to return your slicer in working order please.

bunbunny · 09/02/2018 16:56

Could you just message her ignoring the fact she has got her dh a new one and say that you're going to need your meat slicer back soon as you need to use it again, can she let you know when she can return it - maybe throwing in a 'dh didn't mention if you were going to get the old one fixed after your dh broke it or just replace it - happy either way, but obviously don't want to end up without a meat slicer as we can't afford to buy another one and as you've discovered they're really great to have'

The fact her dh has a new one is neither here nor there - you need to have yours back - either properly repaired by the proper people with certificate to show it works safely or a new one.

And depending on what sort of relationship you have with her - maybe a couple of smileys on the end (or even - and I've never said this before - a LOL) to make it a nice friendly message initially so if she does complain to anyone else in the group you can always just say 'so how would you ask for something worth £150 back that you've lent and not yet had returned? I thought I was asking very nicely given the value of the item (both in terms of cost and sentimentally) and the length of time we haven't had the use of it for!'

Tistheseason17 · 09/02/2018 16:58

It's your DH's friend. You need to go with what he wants and then make DH pay for the replacement of your present to him from his sole funds and not joint ones. it's a DH problem... he's letting it happen. He lent it.

Maybe when he has to pay for it, he won't be so dismissive about losing your gift to him and he make actually ask his friend to resolve.

CoffeeOrSleep · 09/02/2018 17:00

Actually if she's only texted your DH, this gives you ample "mixed message" excuse, so you text her something like

"Hi cf, need the meat slicer this weekend that DH lent to you. I know your husband broke it, but DH said you'd picked up a replacement, can I swing by this evening to collect it or would tomorrow morning be better? X"

If she then says no, she's just bought one for herself, say "oh sorry, must of mixed up what you'd said to DH! Are you just giving us back the money to buy a replacement for the one you broke? How do you want to sort that? It cost £150 when I got it, presume they are still about the same price. X"

Just assume she's a reasonable person, not a CFer, make her spell it out that she's broken it and has no intention of replacing it.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 09/02/2018 17:02

All depends on how it got broken in the first place surely? I'd be miffed if I borrowed something and used it as it was intended for it to break and then get shafted for buying a replacement.

Having said that I'd probably still at least be embarrassed. They are certainly doing a good job of brazening it out.

outatime · 09/02/2018 17:03

She messaged him not me so I cannot reply (bangs head)

This is a great opportunity for some missed communication! Send them a message saying something like "Hi CF, DH mentioned to me that you got us a replacement for the meat slicer you broke. Just in time as we are planning our next sausage fest! When can I pop by and pick it up? I am in the area..." This will force them to confirm their CF status at which point you can put your foot down directly and forcefully.

Queuejumper · 09/02/2018 17:04

These people clearly aren't afraid of rocking the boat, so why is your spineless husband?

Strokethefurrywall · 09/02/2018 17:04

Jesus fucking Christ, how is this even in AIBU?

Tell your DH to cowboy the fuck up or you message them asking them to replace the broken loaned item. How can people possibly need confirmation from internet strangers on something that is clearly a cheeky fucker request?

Of course you are not being unreasonable. You know that. So do something about it for crying out loud! If you need help composing something, there are plenty of suggestions on this thread.

outatime · 09/02/2018 17:05

you beat me to it Coffee!

ToEarlyForDecorations · 09/02/2018 17:06

Here's an alternative scenario:

Husband did give it to them as a gift, told OP it was loaned which is why he does not want to pursue this.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/02/2018 17:06

Why is your DH so, well, wimpy about it?

They borrowed it.
They broke it.
They should replace it.

Basic manners, surely?

SandAndSea · 09/02/2018 17:15

It's only basic manners if it was new, not if it was well used, in which case, it's a grey area, open to negotiation (just IMO).

GreenSeededGrape · 09/02/2018 17:16

We've found the friend! Hard stares at ToEarly

You thought it was a gift eh?

DextroDependant · 09/02/2018 17:17

I wouldn't be letting this slide! This is where the saying 'never a lender or borrower be' comes in handy.

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