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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party RSVPs because of DCs name. AIBU to be annoyed?

89 replies

TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:26

DDs party is soon. We sent invitations home with the relevant children giving people three weeks notice. Had two responses.

DH dropped DD off at school this morning and bumped into one of the parents so asked if their DC was looking forward to the party. And this is when we discovered that there has apparently been a bit of confusion with the invitations. DD has an unusual name tbf and people weren't sure whose party their DC was being invited to!

AIBU to think they could've checked if they were confused? Asked the school? Contacted me? My phone number is on the invitations. Something other than just ignore the invitation. I don't know if they were/are going to show up at the playcentre on the day. I presume not.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 09/02/2018 09:29

You do get a lot of people who don't reply but turn up on the day.

FissionChips · 09/02/2018 09:30

How strange, why didn’t they just ask their own child who the invite was from? Confused

FairiesVsPixies · 09/02/2018 09:31

People are just rude. How could they not know who the child is? couldn't they ask their child? Seems a bit of an odd excuse Hmm

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/02/2018 09:32

Surely an unusual name should make it clearer which child is having the party, as there most probably is only one child called Jonquil in the class as apposed to one of the three Lilys.

So a rather feeble excuse from the parent

mermaidbunny · 09/02/2018 09:34

My son has an extremely unusual name and we’ve never had problems with party invites not being acknowledged as a result. In fact, for us it always seems to work the opposite way; I would expect there to be more confusion when there are several children with the same name in a class, as them they might not know which Ava or Oliver has given them an invite? Hope you manage to get it clarified and DD has a lovely day!

Userplusnumbers · 09/02/2018 09:34

This seems weird OP, did you put a different name on the invite to the one your DC uses day to day?

MrsHathaway · 09/02/2018 09:36

One of my DC goes by an unusual name but has a very common real name - preschool use both. When I did his invitations I put both names on e.g. "please come to William (Rufus)'s party". Some children swore blind they never played with anyone called William but Rufus is their best friend; and vice versa.

If your DD is e.g. Calliope known as Poppy and she is young enough to have a whole class party then you might well be suffering the same issue!

Love51 · 09/02/2018 09:37

Surely having an unusual name helps? If there are 7 Megan's in a class there is room for confusion (Megan from after school club? Tall Megan? I can't figure this out but we are free so you can go and I'll buy a generic present!)
Unusual name? There's only one kid called Ruswela, so I know who it is. Sorted.
There might be more to this!

Original poster
TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:38

Up until today I was thinking that this was just standard 'not bothering' to RSVP and budgeting, and making up party bags, to have enough if everyone came. Just in case.

As for why they didn't ask their child, I don't know. Or they could've asked one of the lovely ladies who work there. In fact, one of the DCs mothers works there. (She did respond, she told DH in person that her DD was coming.) There are pictures of the DC in the class on the wall inside the door with names underneath. It would've been pretty easy to check.

OP posts:
TwitterQueen1 · 09/02/2018 09:40

I think you're the one being a bit U here OP. Is your DD known by a different name to the one that was on the invite? eg let's say she's called Hermione but everyone calls her Minnie, or Elizabeth but she's knows as Bessie.... ?

And I don't know what age your DD is but I've had 3, and for many years there was an invite pretty much every week and it was all a bit much..

I know it's rude not to respond but unfortunately that seems to be the way of things these days and the party holder needs to have the mentality of a cattle drive leader....

MissDuke · 09/02/2018 09:40

I am also confused, unless they call her by a different name in school to what you put on the invites? Otherwise, surely an unusual name makes her more identifiable?

My son has the same name as a classmate., now that DOES cause confusion with invites!

Piffle11 · 09/02/2018 09:41

A couple of years ago DS had a party for his 6th birthday: we invited the whole class - all 27 of them - and less than half responded yes or no. 3 turned up who I hadn't heard from, and 3 didn't respond til either the night before the party or the morning of. And they'd had 3 weeks to get organised. So this sort of thing really doesn't surprise me, and it probably had nothing to do with the name.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/02/2018 09:41

Is your child called something that indicates she’s not a human person?

How hard can it be to understand an invitation regardless of the child being called Molly or bodicea

GetsPostByOwl · 09/02/2018 09:41

I don't get this either. We have a Polish boy in our son's class and his name is very different to how it is spelled (with Z's and Y's). There's also a girl with an Irish name that doesn't look even slightly similar to how it's pronounced but even in those cases, we all know which kid it is. And if we didn't, it's two seconds to ask your child or a teacher.

I'd just assume people are not not RSVPing due to the name but laziness or ignorance and they'll likely turn up anyway.

MissDuke · 09/02/2018 09:41

Sorry just to add - in my experience non replying is very common, I have always had to chase people up for every party. Does my head in!!!

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 09:43

The unusual name cannot be the reason, it doesn't make any sense. As above, it makes easier to know who the child is.

Do you mean that it's something like a foreign name, which would be pronounced completely differently so people misread it? So your child would be called Ghoti but it's pronounced "fish"? (can't come up with better example, sorry)

midnightmisssuki · 09/02/2018 09:45

sorry - with an unusual name your child will stand out - not the other way around, unless its a class of 30 children, all of whom have unusual names. Could your dc be called by a nickname at all OP? This is the only thing i can think of that would cause confusion?

Original poster
TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:46

DDs name probably doesn't look obvious by the spelling. It's not a 'yoo-neek' name, so not like her name is Olivia but spelt 'Uleevilya' or something. It's more like her name is Eloise but she goes by Louise and insists her name is spelt 'Eloise ' because that's her name and if you spell it 'Louise ' it's wrong and she'll say 'that's not my name!'

OP posts:
shockthemonkey · 09/02/2018 09:47

I'm confused, as are several PPs.

Your child's name is unusual so cannot be confused with anyone else.

Unless your child has a school nickname and you used her home name on the invites.

StripySocksAndDocs · 09/02/2018 09:47

I'm confused. Whether your DC has an unusual name if not, it's still her name. So where's the confusion?

Unless she is called something entirely different in school, to the name on the invite:

"Torilvita Canterbury is having a party!!"

Ms Smith: Jack is there a Torilvita
Canterbury in your class?
Jack: No
Ms Smith: A Torilvita even?
Jack: No
Ms Smith: Weird

shockthemonkey · 09/02/2018 09:47

Oh OK cross-posted, sorry

TheNoseyProject · 09/02/2018 09:50

Ah so she’s got a nickname but the invites had her given name on. Well that does sound a legitimate confusion. It is also pretty hard to phrase a text which doesn’t come across as arse-y or make you sound daft in this context. ‘Hi, I’ve got an invite did your party but I don’t know who you are even though the name’s on the invite.’ You’d be in here says ‘what?’ If you got that too.

StripySocksAndDocs · 09/02/2018 09:51

Does she insist her names spelt Your?

You're invited to Your party

Would be confusing.

Though you do know that it's normal for people not to RSPV? Generally people send 'regrets' only.

AprilW · 09/02/2018 09:54

That update does make it sound vaguely confusing. So there was no mention on the invitation of the name she usually goes by? Just her official name, which is similar, although people don't call her that?

If that's the case, it's still crap people didn't RSVP, but you should have just made the name thing clear and not assumed people would go to any lengths to investigate. It's not a huge effort on their part, but people a) are bad at RSVPing even in normal circumstances, and b) get lots of invitations, so you need to make it as fuss-free as possible.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 09/02/2018 09:54

This is massively confusing.