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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party RSVPs because of DCs name. AIBU to be annoyed?

89 replies

TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:26

DDs party is soon. We sent invitations home with the relevant children giving people three weeks notice. Had two responses.

DH dropped DD off at school this morning and bumped into one of the parents so asked if their DC was looking forward to the party. And this is when we discovered that there has apparently been a bit of confusion with the invitations. DD has an unusual name tbf and people weren't sure whose party their DC was being invited to!

AIBU to think they could've checked if they were confused? Asked the school? Contacted me? My phone number is on the invitations. Something other than just ignore the invitation. I don't know if they were/are going to show up at the playcentre on the day. I presume not.

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 09/02/2018 10:42

That's quite true Handmaid. My DC get shipped off to any party who will have them :)

LizardMonitor · 09/02/2018 10:42

And it's not because your child has an unusual name that no-one has replied, it is because the name you used on the invitation is not the name that the children (and parents) in her class know her by!

In general, when you want to communicate, whether it be in an invitation of on this thread, think how it will be understood by your audience.

Original poster
TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 10:52

I should have made the invitation clearer. I genuinely didn't forsee a problem. This is our first party where she's had classmates. Lessons have been learned for future parties.

The DC are on mid terms now and are back after the party date so probably too late to resend invitations but thank you to the posters who had a few suggestions. And Flowers for everyone who was kind.

OP posts:
HanaK88 · 09/02/2018 10:53

One of my children is called (for example) John, but day to day and at preschool as Jack. It wouldn't occur to me to put John on party invites as no one would know who John is!

MumW · 09/02/2018 10:56

Could you reissue the invites with the excuse you need to confirm numbers? May using a photo of your DC with words in a speech bubble and use both names?

Butteredparsn1ps · 09/02/2018 11:03

OP it gets easier as they go through school and become more established as a group.

Can you stalk people at the gate on return to school and ask if they are coming in person?

Explain a lot of "oh yes, I've been meaning to reply" responses

Have a lovely party !!

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 11:08

Ah OP - welcome to the world of having a DC with a birthday during school holidays. Both my two are in the summer holidays so organsing parties is like a military operation. Invitations have to go out really early (which you did) and then people don't reply as they are not sure exactly what they are doing, then favourite friends are away, people forget by the time it comes, DC are with childminders/out of school care so can't come, or they are with grandparents who live further away and don't drive (or use public transport or can't be bothered).

I hope she has a lovely time regardless of who turns up.

Hopefully for you it's not every year.

diddl · 09/02/2018 11:12

" I genuinely didn't forsee a problem. "

With using a name that none of the kids call your daughter??

It's perhaps odd that no parent contacted you, but really, they shouldn't have to chase around to find out who "Eloise" is, especially as their child doesn't know & therefore isn't bothered about attending.

k2p2k2tog · 09/02/2018 11:14

The problem is not the unusual name.

It's that you've sent out an invitation saying "please come to Emily's party" and everyone knows youe child as Fiona.

Could you not have anticipated that this might be confusing???

Leiaorganashair · 09/02/2018 11:18

I find this mind-boggling. Surely with an unusual name they would be more likely to know the child as they would remember it?

BlueMirror · 09/02/2018 11:27

I think putting Izzy or Bella for Isabella if they are also names they use is fine. But the example the op used where 2 completely seperate names one of which she isn't referred to as other than in written form! It's no wonder people don't realise who it is.
My kids would've said they wanted to go regardless though.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/02/2018 11:29

WaxOn. Love your story of DS and Emma, She sounds sweet and he sounds considerate!

Leiaorganashair · 09/02/2018 11:38

My name was changed when I moved abroad as a child. Let's say my name is "Hanako," I was called "Hannah" at school. Most parents and kids worked it out.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 11:48

Thanks Beezie He is 16 now and is always described by teachers (women anyway) as delightful. I think from his description, that Emma and the others used him and his friend as a human climbing frame given that they were both about 5'5 at the time. Currently going on 6'3 and still growing :)

I never got to meet little Emma but I still think about her inviting these giant boys to her party and her mother just thinking they were little boys. Would have been funny if we'd just accepted by text and they'd turned up :o

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 09/02/2018 12:08

We have a Milly in DS2's class. I twigged Milly is short for Amelia when I saw something of hers with an A stitched on. I'd know her about 3 years by this stage.

I am not sure I would have put 2 and 2 together if DS had received an invitation to Amelia's party. I guess I would have asked around.

How old are the children?

NWQM · 09/02/2018 12:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all to be puzzled. I regularly don't know the actual children as my daughter is a mixed class and gets invites from effectively three different classes. She does though. I check if we can go and then ask her if she wants to go. She always always does. It's not exactly hard. I do know that there have been instances when the invite hasn't made it home and so I look blankly at the parents but then all you can do is apologise. I'd be checking with the parent what had happened if I'm honest. My DH is not the best carrier of messages home though. Does your class have a twitter or facebook group that you could put out a gentle reminder? Is your son or daughter able to 'chase' up responses. Bet they know exactly who is coming.

mumofmunchkin · 09/02/2018 12:21

DS got an invite the other day. I asked him if he played with X, he grunted at me (he is 4, claims he doesn't play with anyone). I don't have a clue who the girl is or who her mother is. It wasn't hard though, to text the name and number on the invite and accept it, and will buy a generic 4 year old present, and find out which kid it is on the day of the party.

Witchend · 09/02/2018 12:33

There's probably a "Eloise" (or whatever) in an adjacent class whose dm is saying "I don't know why we're getting all these replies for a party we're not having. Grin

Happened to my dd-she had a very similar name to her best friend, and the class called them both for ages by the same name (the best friend's one). So she didn't get party invites because parents said "I know there's not two XX" in your class, you must be confused, and several people replied to her best friend's party invite to us.

lljkk · 09/02/2018 12:34

Usually the kids know that little Lisa in their class is also called Elizabeth (if they get an invite for Elizabeth's party).

My kids get invited to very few parties so I would have rung to try to figure out who Elizabeth was. MNers seem to all beget social butterflies so maybe wouldn't bother if they didn't know who Elizabeth was.

Hope you sort it out. Massive ring around to all your contacts, maybe.

MrsHathaway · 09/02/2018 13:09

It wasn't hard though, to text the name and number on the invite and accept it, and will buy a generic 4 year old present, and find out which kid it is on the day of the party.

And that's the point, isn't it. It takes thirty seconds to think "I have no clue who this child is so NOPE" and send a generic text message declining because of a fictitious previous engagement.

Whether or not the other parents are confused or misled, they're also failing to observe basic party invitation etiquette - bloody RSVP when asked!

Er, OP, you have checked you wrote the right phone number on the invitations, yes...? Wink

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/02/2018 13:13

Though you do know that it's normal for people not to RSPV? Generally people send 'regrets' only

No, it's not "normal", it's rude

Leiaorganashair · 09/02/2018 13:14

I have never heard of only RSVPing if you can't come. I would think that was rude too.

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 13:18

Though you do know that it's normal for people not to RSPV? Generally people send 'regrets' only.

of course it's rude!
Even if it's not written RSVP do google the meaning, why would you not inform the host if you are coming or not?

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 13:24

It's fairly standard though ime to invite 20 kids to a party, get 4 acceptances and one decline and then 14 kids show up

Original poster
TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 13:26

@MrsHathaway

Yes Smile two people did call so definitely wrote the number down right.

OP posts: