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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No party RSVPs because of DCs name. AIBU to be annoyed?

89 replies

TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 09:26

DDs party is soon. We sent invitations home with the relevant children giving people three weeks notice. Had two responses.

DH dropped DD off at school this morning and bumped into one of the parents so asked if their DC was looking forward to the party. And this is when we discovered that there has apparently been a bit of confusion with the invitations. DD has an unusual name tbf and people weren't sure whose party their DC was being invited to!

AIBU to think they could've checked if they were confused? Asked the school? Contacted me? My phone number is on the invitations. Something other than just ignore the invitation. I don't know if they were/are going to show up at the playcentre on the day. I presume not.

OP posts:
PattiStanger · 09/02/2018 09:55

Still not really getting it.

DId you put the name the other children call your DD on the invite?

newyearsameme80 · 09/02/2018 09:55

I got so few responses that I put out a reminder note in the nursery trays - loads came in the end lots of people don’t actually understand what RSVP means, or don’t care.

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 09:56

t's more like her name is Eloise but she goes by Louise
then it would have made more sense to invite to Eloise (Louise)'s party.
It's still rude not to reply, they could have just declined, but the confusion makes more sense.

k2p2k2tog · 09/02/2018 09:56

DD has an unusual name tbf and people weren't sure whose party their DC was being invited to!

This makes no sense whatsoever. Child brings invite home, child knows who has given the invitaiton, knows whose party it is.

Unless there is a massive drip feed on the way and the OP says her child sent inviations from Penelope-Sunshine when at school she's known as Jane.

k2p2k2tog · 09/02/2018 09:57

Really struggling with spalling invitation this morning. I'll go and practise.

Sirzy · 09/02/2018 09:58

So the name written on the invite was -
As far as others are concerned - not the name of a child in the class? I can understand the confusion then!

Someoneasdumbasthis · 09/02/2018 09:59

I had this once when DD was at nursery. I sent the invite with her proper name. She had a nickname at nursery that was also a name if you see what I mean.

Think proper name Emily nick name Milly.

No one replied. Didn't have a clue who 'Emiliy' was. Oh how we laughed. Had to get the nursery leader to tell all the mums. They all came! (And had replied once they knew).

ShiftyMcGifty · 09/02/2018 10:02

-Do you want to go to Eloise’s party?
-I don’t know any Elouise.
-Oh, who gave you this birthday invite?
-I can’t remember/Dunno/Teacher put it in my book bag
-Er, ok... maybe I’ll ask the teacher if this is meant for another boy with your name /find out from other parents / ask around

Parent forgets to ask around who Eloise is.

upsideup · 09/02/2018 10:02

Seems just rude OP, we had similar with a mum coming up to as in the playground saying that she didnt invite DS to her sons birthday party because she didnt know how to spell his name, I'm very tempted that when DS's birthday comes around to tell her we didnt invite her son because we didnt realise there were 3 'X's in the class rather than 2, but I could never be that much of a bitch.

Elocutioner · 09/02/2018 10:03

That is hugely confusing!

So I say "you've been invited to Eloise's birthday" and my child says I don't know anyone called Eloise?

Yes that's odd.

Original poster
TathitiPete · 09/02/2018 10:11

Yes in hindsight I should have put both names on the invitations.

OP posts:
SweetMoon · 09/02/2018 10:11

I actually had this recently, my dd was invited to a party and the invites were just given out at nursery, so not directly by the child or parent. I couldn't read the name on it. Or at least I thought I couldn't as when I asked dd she had no clue who it was. I did reply and say she was coming though but was still worrying about who the child was. As it turns out the name wasn't the name the child was known by, so it was massivley bizarre.

AprilW · 09/02/2018 10:15

The awkward bit about not recognising a name on an invitation, and your child not recognising it either, is that you have to be quite tactful in your enquiries. I'd never text the given number and basically say 'I'm sorry - which kid this?'.

Even just saying 'Hi: I've got an invitation from Nigella - just checking, this is Ella, isn't it?' is tricky, in case there turns out to be a quiet little Nigella in the class whose existence you've completely overlooked.

CotswoldStrife · 09/02/2018 10:18

Can you send out a reminder note with both names on to make it clearer?

DD came home once clutching a party invite written in a child's handwriting (so I suspected straight away that it wasn't a real one!) with a name that I didn't recognise. I asked the teacher - it was a child known by a nickname that had been practicing writing her actual name and it wasn't a real invite.

BlueMirror · 09/02/2018 10:19

So your child insists on being called a shorter length of her name but when it is written down they insist on the full name which is also a different name in its own right? And you go along with this even though people don't know who you're referring to when you write her full name?
If you don't have contact details for the other parents you'll just have to ask who you can at the gate and explain who the invitation is from.

AprilW · 09/02/2018 10:22

[which kid *is this]

I wouldn't take it personally, OP. I expect a lot of parents were just uncertain, and did mean to follow it up, but it's one of those awkward things you push to the back of the list until it seems too late.

Although now might be a good time to persuade your daughter that people will read 'Eloise' as 'Eloise', so if she wants to go by 'Louise' she should use that spelling.

Oblomov18 · 09/02/2018 10:27

I'm totally confused. I can't work out what's going on here. Please just do us all a favour and tell us, in plain language.

Oblomov18 · 09/02/2018 10:28

Send another reminder. With both names on.

YearOfYouRemember · 09/02/2018 10:29

Send out invitations again with both names

TheVanguardSix · 09/02/2018 10:35

It's a really good idea to ask the class rep to distribute a class list with the name of each child, their preferred nickname, parents' names/contact number/email.

It just works SO much better when you sit down and send out a group email to the parents of the invited children. It can get tricky with the paper invites (which the birthday kid can also do, in tandem with the email invite, if you wish).

upsideup · 09/02/2018 10:36

Oblomov18

The Op has explained. Say her childs name is Isabella but everyone at school calls her Bella, they gave out an invitation saying you have been invited to Isabella's party and other parents have just decided they dont know or care enough to find out who Isabella is.

greendale17 · 09/02/2018 10:37

Surely an unusual name should make it clearer which child is having the party

^This. Sorry OP but you have been well and truly fobbed off

LizardMonitor · 09/02/2018 10:40

Right, so although every child in the class knows your child as 'Louise' , you put 'Eloise' on the invitation?

The kids, when asked about 'Eloise's' invitation will have looked blank.

Quickly contact all the parents.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 10:41

ime people don't bother to reply but still come.

Ds had a Bella in his class and got an invite from Isabel, we sort of worked it out but having both names might have been easier.

DS2 once had an invite from an Emma, he had no Emma in his class, he was 11 by this point so we were sure he knew who was who. I called the number and it appears that Emma was 5 and DS was part of the group buddying her group and she wanted to invite him and his friend to her party and DS didn't really make the connection. He has an uncommon name so we were sure that it was for him (despite it being misspelled). It was very sweet, he didn't go (as he doesn't really like parties) but he did give her a card and some sweets.

Could your DD not do some canvassing in the playground as to who is coming and then they might put 2 and 2 together?

TheHandmaidsTail · 09/02/2018 10:41

Am I the only person with a child who a) forgets what day it is, and b) sends their kid to any party to which they have an invite? I am assuming we are talking very small dc if school are handing out the invitations. If DD2 said "I don't know who Isabella" I would assume she had forgotten or thinks her name is Annabella this actually happened

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