Women working out of the home condem other women

[restofthetimes]

....to caring for their children. For low pay. (Albeit very expensive childcare for the end user? ie a working couple one of whose wages possibly only just covers childcare fees.... leaving them with effectively one income again)

This is the reality. The number of men caring for the children hasn’t gone up as the number of women working out of the home has.

In an ideal world, would there be an equal number of sahds to sahms? Or should we force more men into paid childcare jobs. I don’t know the statistics, but it seems men just don’t want to work in that area. So women bear the brunt again.

It all seems weird .

It was clarified wasn't it that it was the words you used, not what you do.

Don't use emotive language if you don't want emotive replies.

I personally don't care what your situation is, I'm doing what's best for me and my family which I'm sure you're doing also.

But more importantly I'm very happy with my choice so don't feel too invested in this argument. It's just interesting to see both sides.

If you have a house which is a permanent structure, with glass in the windows, running drinkable water and electricity - you are in the top 10% of rich people on the planet.

I do not feel poor at all. My youngest only ever wore hand me downs until he became the tallest in the family but that's fine by me. My husband now wears my youngest son's trainers but he doesn't mind!

My children wear hand me downs too francine . Just because I work doesn’t mean I’m flash with cash.
I’m trying to save for my son to go to uni (he’s been dreaming of uni and planning for it since he was 2) and to be able to contribute similar to whatever my daughter chooses to do.
I also work to pay the mortgage, but food, and ensure my DH can also work flexibly and “raise” his children.

I have three children and want to give them opportunities so I work full time.

It also takes a bit of the pressure of DP to be the breadwinner and gives me financial independence, power and some status.

My job is stressful but I love the challenge. Was a a SAHM fur five years but my mental health and happiness is better through being at work.

It’s also things like being able to pay fur DD1 to have contact lenses or more exotic school trips, or help all three through university.

It’s not really about new trainers.

Tinycitrus
I have three children and want to give them opportunities
I have three children too. I want to give them opportunities too. Not all opportunities cost money.

My mum was a SAHM and we had a nice home and were well fed and dressed. However, I also had zero opportunities in terms of extracurricular activities, had to wear gloves when I was revising for my A levels as my parents couldn’t afford to heat the house and had no financial support at university (I was the only one in my shared house of 6 paying my own rent). My parents cut their cloth so that my mum didn’t have to work, but it was for her benefit not ours. I don’t really have any pre-school memories and my main childhood memories are time spent as a family at the weekend. After school I just did my own thing whilst my mum carried on with the housework and got dinner ready. That’s not to say I didn’t have a happy childhood because I did. However I don’t think I benefitted particularly because my mum was at home. This is one of the reasons that I work because for me providing financial security and opportunities in the long term is more important than spending a bit more time at home in the early years. Please don’t take this as a personal insult. It’s just my opinion based on my own experience.

Not all opportunities cost money. But lots of opportunities do cost money.

I want to be able to afford some school trips for them to places we could never afford to go as a family.

I want to be able to them out financially through university and help fund further study if that is what they want to do.

I want to help fund them to go travelling, driving lessons, work abroad, take opportunities.

It goes on.

We have been very hard up - soon after DD3 arrived I worked nights to help pay our bills and we were in horrible debt.

I now have a job which pays well above national average, we are debt free, can pay our bills, afford to eat out now and then, and can afford holidays.

It makes for a better life than the dread of debt and worry the washing machine might break down.

@NeverTwerkNaked I would also agree that it is not a good thing for fathers to be out of the house 12+ hours a day and hardly see their children. I am glad that my income means that DH doesn’t have to work ridiculous hours and can take an active role in parenting 7 days per week. In my opinion the DC really benefit from this and have a great relationship with their dad. In the future I am hoping that we will both be able to both drop down to 4 days a week so that we can spend more time with the DC after school. We’re not quite there yet but we’re working towards it.

Yes DP works from home and gives breakfast, makes packed lunches, cooks dinner, does dental appts and doctor for the little ones (DD1 is 14 and prefers to have me with her now)

It’s not perfect - the girls sometimes miss me, I’m sometimes so shattered from the working day that I don’t have much to give to them when I get home - not always but sometimes.

But I’m confident the financial security and opportunities outweigh these negatives and the girls will appreciate the opportunities it brings when they are older.

See I think working is part of MY identity as is being a mother, wife etc. I like that separate environment where I’m just “confused”. I notice that saying that always attracts criticism. However it’s fine for other women to describe their husbands as workaholics, he loves to work, lives for his job, thrives in that environment etc. These are all seen as positive attributes in men but not in woman. Why is that?

I have occasionally felt judged by SAHM (& mil) for continuing to work & the worst are the ones who think “oh no, can you not afford too” & feel smug for marrying well (whatever that means).

I know that world, my dad was a successful banker (largely for American banks) so spent a lot of time travelling & worked very long hours. I idolised him & would often hear him leaving at 5.30/6am & then I would be in bed but force myself to stay awake for when he came home. He was very hands on at the weekends & I’m lucky that his job & it’s benefits has given me lots of security & choices but I did really miss him not being around. My mum was a SAHM for about 12 years but during that time she did a number of courses & obtained qualifications, & then did pt work. She is/was a great mum & I really respect her.

If I won the Euromillions I would still work. I would want my own business & develop it into an empire. I don’t want to marry a Bill Gates, I would prefer to be one!

@stretchoutandwait that’s what we do. 4 days a week each. The three days we both work I work short days (5 hours). Catch up on rest of my work when the kids are in bed. It works really well. If either of us lost our job the other could just up their hours, which takes the stress of both of us. (Our jobs are pretty secure but I take the view there are no guarantees in life)

My H works bloody hard and leaves his office soon after 4:30 so we can all have dinner together soon after six (long commute). There is no way he would be able to the morning run and still make it into work on time - so that's my domain. When they were younger this meant he was always home for baths and bed. He was very involved with them at the weekend (they're all teenagers now).

He facilitates me. I facilitate him.

No doubt one of you will come on now saying something wonderful like "Good luck with that until he runs off with his secretary".

So you agree he raised them too then francine ? And that just like wohm he too was putting his family first? That he doesn’t just abandon them to throw cash away on new clothes? that maybe working is as much an act of love as sahm?

You are very defensive Francine. There are lots of threads where dw have been screwed over by their 'd'h. I would not want to be solely reliant on someone else - that's my choice. Yours has been to be a sahm. This thread has so far not turned into a bun fight but you seem determine to take offence when there isn't any.

I am a teaching assistant which isn’t very well paid but I love it and I fits in great because my daughter is at school. But when we have our second child I will probably stay at home or otherwise we will be throwing away money on child care. Everyone has the right to choose, wether they stay at home or work, it’s down to personal circumstances.

The issue of working for "nothing" is always based on the womans income being "lost" to pay CC rather than both .
Yes the family income will be reduced by the same amount.
If you earn NMW and can get back into that type of work easily its an easier decision to SAH for a few years if the end income is the same

If you earn well,have accrued all sorts of benefits,AL ,increments,pension then its looking ahead and making a decision considering the longer term.
Im really seeing the difference now as I plan to retire early( increased my pension contributions when I increased my working hours)-many of my peers who took time out to SAH are unable to retire at the usual age as they dont have enough contributions and cant afford to retire.
The difference is stark -10-15 years
I worked PT ,no CC as DH had a work from home contract (unusual in those days) and did school runs on the days I worked ( 2 days)

I think the work I do as a SAHM is one of the most important and rewarding occupations on the planet

No, being a parent is one of the most important and rewarding occupations on the planet. Hundreds of millions of us do it every year

See what I mean?
Why do you feel the need to attack my statement?

Because your statement is untrue Francine

It was an opinion... as evidenced by the prefix "I think..."

You are free to voice your own opinion. I won't tell you that your opinion is "untrue"..

Silly me, but as usual it is only WOHM that are allowed to tell SAHM that what they are wrong.

You never ever get men judging each other in this manner.

By the way I said one of not the only

Sorry Francine but you come across as insecure. Just be happy with your choice

To address your comment about men not voicing these opinions, I think it’s probably because they can’t relate to either SAHMs or WOHMs. Their experience as men is very different.

Not that much of a leap that most of those on this forum and topic might be women Francine
Replying and putting ones own opinions and beliefs across is not telling you are wrong -you seem to be internalising this position and accusing others of having a poor opinion of SAHM -is this from other threads? as I cant see anyone putting down SAHM on this one .
Also men are usually default WOHP with little debate.
My DH was delighted when I WOH and he was responsible parent on those days.

Oh crikey -just read the title ,maybe thats why .
Women working out of the home condemn other women
Next bit reads to caring for their children
Not a great choice of title OP