to want to tell DD to sod off?

[wtf2015]

So single mother with 5DC, ex has remarried and has a new baby. He is very successful in his career and is earns £250k a year. I earn 20k, I’ve given up my career to bring up children and have enjoyed it with few regrets. I have made huge sacrifices, personally and professionally whereas my ex is a selfish bastard. My dc recognise this but have learnt to accept how he is as he will never change. DD is in year 11 and has just announced that she is going prom dress shopping with her step mother as ex has offered to pay for it. The penny has just dropped that this is the same as when my son left for uni and my ex and step mother took him down to halls as they’d offered to take him buy all his bedding from the white company. FFS my ds and now my dd have no respect for me and I’ve given up so much for them.

I’d go with your daughter prom dress shopping a few weeks before and choose the dress together, then let the step Mum know which dress your daughter wants and where about it is and let them pay for it.

Op your daughter will be clued up enough at this age to realise that her father will be more than able to afford to buy her a rather expensive dress, if she's anything like mine she wont want you to spend your money on a dress she wears once!
I can however understand that you feel a little pushed out by her going shopping without you, look online with her even go to a couple of shops and check out some higher end dresses.

The situation is shit but your DD is blameless. Are you suggesting she shouldn't have a dress for prom because you hate her father?

Wow reading a few posts you are getting a hard time OP, to me unfairly so.

Of course it’s going to bloody hurt, step mum and Dad swooping in and commandeering this special event. They are being the assholes here. They’ve let you do all the hard work over the years, and are being selfish and putting your DD in this position.

Maybe it’s because you said you wanted to tell your DD to sod off, and many posters are referring to their own experiences of feeling guilt put on them and not cared for.

I don’t agree with posters saying that kids will naturally get it, see which parent really cared and which bought them gifts instead. Plenty of people don’t appreciate their parents! Plenty learn to manipulate Daddy and learn that money equals love. Or that it’s ok to be irresponsible because you get the better rewards.

We must not put bitterness onto them though. I agree with posters there.

However staying silent is being a martyr. And the best way to stop being a martyr is to speak up, assert yourself, and ask for first consideration from your child. Yes she’s been put in an awkward position- but by her Dad and step mum, not you.

Although I actually love the suggestion of choosing the dress and then sending DD to her Dads to buy it! It’s the shared moments you want isnt it OP? Nothing at all wrong with asking for that. Try not to be angry though!

winter Why are dad and step mum beinh arse holes for wanting to buy a prom dress?

I think if you can’t work that, you haven’t bought up a kid with no support from an Ex, and then have them play super Daddy on a special rite of passage. Total. Assholes.

I'm bringing up someone else's child with no support from his actual mother. I'd be thrilled if she decided she was finally going to make a financial contribution to her son.