'I don't shake women's hands'

[canary1]

In a work setting today, a client was seen by four colleagues, 2 male, 2 female. The client shook hands with the two male colleagues at the end, and when I held my hand out in expectation, this is what he said. I know many muslims and never ran into this before, though this is his reason. I'm disgusted at such overt sexism dressed up as religion. I can't say that's just his beliefs any more than I can excuse any other overt discriminatory behaviour. How is this regarded as an acceptable way to behave?

To a Muslim this is a sign of respect, obviously this jars with our cultural explanations but once you know why is it so hard to be tolerant?
I work in IT with many Muslim men and this is quite the norm.
I feel uncomfortable with the idea that anyone should be forced to touch someone else if they don’t want to. I sometimes feel uncomfortable with the amount people want to hug and would prefer they asked first (old school frosty British thing)

So do you accept that I could feel disrespected by this and that would be a valid reaction, not a product of hysteria or 'vapours' on my part?

Either you shake everyone's hand or no-ones. You are right. Misogyny dressed up as religion.

And as for the poster that thought that I thought that she was a man... Wtf? You've STILL not told me where I've made previous comments about burkhas. I'd absolutely love to know.

Of course. I felt the same way when it first happened to me, then someone explained their point of view, I understood, and altered my perception.

Well you can choose to feel disrespected Stealth but it doesn't mean that was the intent, or indeed the only response.
If you were asking me or in general.

I wouldn't feel belittled if nobody's hand had been shaken but of course I'd feel belittled if I'd been treated differently to my male colleagues. How can you not see that?

This is like reading The Sun.

Iwould have thought more like the comments section in the Daily Mail.

But intent doesn't usually matter for other things. Racism, disabilismetc is in the opinion of the receiver. Quite rightly imo. Its just women (as a group) who are accused of being snowflakes and assured the mens intentions were OK.

DS's teacher who is a Muslim declined to shake DH's hand but happily shook mine. She just st said "oh sorry, I don't shake hands with men". And that was the end of it. No one felt insulted, belittled, discriminated against. Why is it different when a man declines to shake a woman's hand?

It isnt

I don't think it is different actually. By not shaking your DH's hand surely she is insulting him by implying that he may view her sexually when (I'm pretty sure) that was the last thing on his mind?

temporary - absolutely! And if you don't know the market and you don't know the people/sums involved, you can make yourself look like a real muppet. Hate seems to think we were talking about a £100 sale at Tiffany 😂

Emma - that's an interesting one. On the one hand, it's essential for kids to learn about other cultures and beliefs. On the other - does it really set a good example to children to treat men and women/mums and dads differently?

I'm loving the way all the SJWs on here are pretending it is a straight choice between shaking everybody (including women's) hands and just shaking men's hands while ignoring the fact that shaking nobody's hand fits everybody's norms and culture.

Bloody typical.

In fact I think in that position I would have said 'I'm sorry if my husband's hand is not good enough to shake than neither is mine'. I'm shocked that a teacher would think it appropriate to treat males and females differently.

Waspnet - we didn't think any more than that her religious belief is such that she chooses not to touch men and he respected her choice.

once you know why is it so hard to be tolerant?

And why exactly is it so hard for Muslims to be tolerant of western expectations and shake nobody's hand rather than just men (or women)? Does tolerance only extend in one direction?

Waspnet - we certainly would not chose to be so rude to anyone!

and he respected her choice

But she showed no respect for him by not shaking his hand when she shook yours. She discriminated on the basis of his sex. She should just have said 'I cannot shake hands' and not shook hands with both of you rather than shaking your hand and not his.

No, to be fair in your position I would have probably been so shocked that I wouldn't have said anything either but having thought about it later I probably would have wanted to discuss it with the school because the teacher clearly believes that it is fine to treat men and women (and therefore presumably boys and girls) differently.

"Does tolerance only extend in one direction?"
I expect that's another question that will remain unanswered on this thread

Can someone please explain to me why shaking hands with nobody is not a suitable alternative? Or are you just going to keep ignoring it because it doesn't fit in with your narrative?

MrPan

ah okay. The institution of 'church' but not it's adherents?

its

What did HR say OP? Did you report it? This is workplace discrimination. Even though it was a client, you were meeting in the course of your role so it is your company's responsibility to ensure you are treated equally. They also have to find a way to balance this against religious sensibilities. It is a difficult balancing act, but that does not mean that your client's rights supersede yours. I would be very interested to hear HR's response. (Apologies if you have posted this upthread, I haven't had time to read all the way through yet, but I will do this afternoon).