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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DH gives DD chocolate at 7.30am

131 replies

Nquartz · 08/02/2018 17:01

DH drops DD off at breakfast club 4 days a week and they leave about 10 minutes after I go to work. Apparently after I have left it is so hard to get DD out the door without a meltdown that DH gives her some chocolate.

I have asked him repeatedly not to (and I get her out of the house on the 5th day without any kind of meltdown) but he says I'm not there so it isn't up to me.

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful but is he right that as I'm not there it isn't up to me?

OP posts:
MidnightVelvetthe7th · 08/02/2018 17:05

The phrase 'rod for his own back' springs to mind!

You seem to be able to get her out of the door fairly efficiently on your day & she's 6, not 2! What does DD do that makes it hard for them to leave, what behaviours does she exhibit?

If DD doesn't have any SEN then you & DH need to agree a parenting strategy that both of you agree with & implement it next week. It will be hard but no, a 6 year old does not need bribing with chocolate!

Soubriquet · 08/02/2018 17:05

How much chocolate are we talking?

Massive bar of dairy milk..I see your point

Small kit Kat or similar? Well whatever makes his life that bit easier

Allthewaves · 08/02/2018 17:08

I'd be cross. Could you suggest a chart or pom pom jar. Every day she leaves the house she gets a sticker or pom pom in the jar then at endnof week she gets a small treat. I keep a box of blind bags, pencils etc my kids can pick from - little things they really want

firawla · 08/02/2018 17:08

I’d be annoyed too, he needs to get a grip and learn to manage without these kind of bribes.
And to the previous poster I wouldn’t say a whole kitkat even a 2 finger one is a small amount - especially at that time of the morning Shock

Beamur · 08/02/2018 17:08

How much chocolate? Ok, it's not ideal but it's not that bad.
Is it any different to letting your child have breakfast cereal that is sweetened? Top cereal in our house is chocolate mini weetabix...

SomePopularReference · 08/02/2018 17:09

Just hide the chocolate.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 08/02/2018 17:10

It is very different doing it once a week rather than 4 days. If you are that concerned why don't you all leave together and she and dh can sit and read outside breakfast school for 10 mins.

PenguinsandPandas · 08/02/2018 17:11

I don't think its parenting method of the year but getting kids out in the morning before you go to work can be a pain especially if she's tired.

I don't mind mine having chocolate once a day so if she's having it at 7.30am that's it. I would also tell him that giving into tantrums tends to lead to more. I would prefer hot chocolate and say a banana as then at least there's some milk and fruit with it.

Soubriquet · 08/02/2018 17:12

I must admit I do bribe my children to leave the house in the morning.

Dd(4) is fine, its younger Ds(2).

He has to go in his pushchair otherwise we would never get there in time.

So he gets bribed with something. Usually a biscuit. I struggle to fight with him as my health isn't brilliant and he can be bloody strong when he wants to be.

Then of course I can't give one a biscuit without the other

Quartz2208 · 08/02/2018 17:13

Is it you leaving first that causes the meltdown I wonder

I dont think its disgraceful but I dont think its ideal and you should be looking at ways to improve the system of how it works

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 17:15

A little bit of chocolate is not going to do any harm. As long as she is not going through packs of it through the week, I would let it go. It's not like she is given chocolate in bed, that would be terrible for her teeth

MysweetAudrina · 08/02/2018 17:16

5 years ago I started college on a Thursday night so it was the only evening dh had to get dinner. He started bringing them to the chipper. 5 years later and Thursday is still chipper night. There would be a mutiny in the house if an alternative was suggested now.

Sirzy · 08/02/2018 17:17

Meh as long as She is getting to school happy and in one piece I couldn’t get worked up unles it was a massive amount

DriggleDraggle · 08/02/2018 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LizardMonitor · 08/02/2018 17:18

If it is 4 chocolate buttons, I wouldn't worry, tbh. Dark choc - even less worry.

As long as it doesn't spread to absolutely everything else.

I would be rolling my eyes at his lack of parenting dexterity rather than thinking it 'fucking disgraceful'.

Chocolate is chocolate, and bribery bribery, whatever time of day.

WineAndTiramisu · 08/02/2018 17:20

I'd say they should be leaving 10 minutes early so you all leave at the same time, at least until the chocolate bribe is forgotten about!

SharronNeedles · 08/02/2018 17:23

Is he her dad?

I think you finding it 'fucking disgraceful' is very unreasonable. Slightly annoyed? Yeah.

extinctspecies · 08/02/2018 17:28

Well I've never felt comfortable about my DC having chocolate advent calendars but it's a thing now, so we go with the flow, early morning small amount of choc, so what?

If she was drinking hot chocolate for breakfast, or having toast with Nutella, or a pain au chocolat, would that be bad too?

Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2018 17:29

How much chocolate? A chocolate button fine, but more not so much. Either way, your dh is making things hard for the future, IMHO.

What else is he going to need to bribe her with in future to do things?

"...they leave about 10 minutes after I go to work." It's simple really, you all leave together and he waits outside the gate for 10 mins in the cold, or takes her in early or he learns to motivate her without sugar.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 17:30

If she was drinking hot chocolate for breakfast, or having toast with Nutella, or a pain au chocolat, would that be bad too?

I hope not, because it's standard breakfast in my house Grin

demirose87 · 08/02/2018 17:30

You're overreacting. Can see why you would be slightly annoyed, but don't get worked up over it. I'm guilty of doing it myself now and again, pick my own battles and all that.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 08/02/2018 17:30

I think it depends on the amount. Family size bar of dairy milk no...1 or 2 chocolate buttons wouldn't be a huge issue for me.

BadPolicy · 08/02/2018 17:30

What difference does it make if it's 7.30am or 7.30pm?

JJPP1234 · 08/02/2018 17:35

Clearly YANBU. If he keeps this up she may even turn into a bar of chocolate

Tink2007 · 08/02/2018 17:35

If it’s a square of chocolate fine but if we are talking a whole massive bar of Dairy Milk then no.

However DH is making a rod for his own back. Your DD will know you won’t give it but for him she knows she just has to act up a bit to get the chocolate. Leave him to it and tell him not to complain to you when he doesn’t want to give her chocolate for every demand.