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AIBU?

AIBU - DH gives DD chocolate at 7.30am

131 replies

Nquartz · 08/02/2018 17:01

DH drops DD off at breakfast club 4 days a week and they leave about 10 minutes after I go to work. Apparently after I have left it is so hard to get DD out the door without a meltdown that DH gives her some chocolate.

I have asked him repeatedly not to (and I get her out of the house on the 5th day without any kind of meltdown) but he says I'm not there so it isn't up to me.

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful but is he right that as I'm not there it isn't up to me?

OP posts:

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Peregrane · 09/02/2018 16:20

Is the chocolate the problem or the bribery?

If the former - don't ever move to Belgium. Or the Netherlands. (See no. 5 here: www.findingdutchland.com/happiest-kids-in-the-world/)

I too struggle to see the difference between chocolate at 7:30 am vs chocolate at 4 pm. Mine often gets a small "good mood" snack after his breakfast, but I also get him to eat some cheese after that, which protects his teeth somewhat. And it's in the context of an overall pretty healthy diet, with home cooked food, wholemeal grains and lots of vegetables (and, yes, snacks).

If the issue is that your DH can't get anything done without bribery, I'd be more concerned about that (though it helps that she doesn't seem to be expecting bribery from you, so hopefully there isn't that much damage being done).

Peregrane · 09/02/2018 16:22

@WonderLime - "Doesn’t anyone think that kind of empty sugar before school is a bad idea? She’ll end up having a sugar crash by time lessons start (yes, half a kit kat chunky)."

I read the OP as the chocolate coming on top of breakfast, not substituting it! Yes it would be a very bad idea if that was her whole breakfast. As it is a bad idea to feed children sugary cereals for breakfast, yet that seems to be the standard in this country. A protein-heavy breakfast with raw veggies on the side, plus a bit of chocolate? No problem. Context matters!

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 16:40

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful

I would love to see the exact list of what you feed your kids over a normal week, snacks included. Then we'll talk

SweetMoon · 09/02/2018 16:45

Tarraleaha my kids don't have chocolate everyday. Its not that unusual. They also don't 'snack' except on fruit. Maybe once or twice a week at weekends they will have chocolate and that will generally be in biscuit form. They get it at christmas and easter and birthdays and everything or at friends but I don't buy it in. So quite understandable OP is a bit annoyed about it.

TheNoseyProject · 09/02/2018 16:49

Half a KitKat chunky is loads! This is lazy parenting which works short term and stores up issues long term.

TheNoseyProject · 09/02/2018 16:49

Does he really want that dynamic? He’s not thought it through.

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 16:57

SweetMoon my point is not really about chocolate, it's about the diet as a whole. Your kids might have a perfectly healthy diet, nothing wrong with that, some children do! I have seen what some families pride themselves on giving to their kids, whilst being judgmental about sugar, and it's scary.

Bluelady · 09/02/2018 17:11

Where did the half chunky KitKat come from?

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 17:16

that's the beauty of this forum, someone mentioned a kit kat in a post, and the thread which started as giving a bit of chocolate as a bribe, is now about giving the OP's child a chunky kit kat instead of breakfast

italiancortado · 09/02/2018 17:19

Where did the half chunky KitKat come from?

The OP's house I would imagine? Unless the kids father keeps them in the car

Bluelady · 09/02/2018 17:22

Thanks for clearing that up, Tarra. That KitKat appeared from nowhere.

AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2018 17:24

It wouldn't be the chocolate that bothered me. It would be the bribery to do what is expected. I don't recall ever having to bribe my sons to do 'routine' things (school, clean room, etc). I may admit to using a treat to get them to sit still for a shot or behave in church, but not for day to day things.

VioletCharlotte · 09/02/2018 17:35

The OP said earlier in the thread, chocolate coins or footballs, or half a Kit Kat chunkie.

Anyone else really want a kit Kat chunkie now?

soccermum43 · 09/02/2018 17:43

with my first one i said no sweets until he was 6 but with my second i relaxed it

Nquartz · 09/02/2018 18:55

Across that's what I think, she shouldn't be rewarded for kicking off over going to school.

DH has a kit kat chunky everyday at work hence the half for DD. He thinks having chocolate everyday is perfectly normal, and as there's no outward signs of it negatively affecting him (he's slim, good teeth etc) he thinks it's find

OP posts:

windchimesabotage · 09/02/2018 18:58

How much chocolate? Its not great parenting but its not as awful as you are making out I dont think. Depends on the size of the chocolate. If its a whole mars bar or something thats obv worse than a smartie.

windchimesabotage · 09/02/2018 19:00

and an adult having one normal sized chocolate bar a day provided they are active and healthy in other ways, is fine I think.

Child having a bit of chocolate 4 days a week is also fine (provided they are fairly active)

Bad parenting to bribe the child and as you say reward her for kicking off about not going to school.

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2018 19:01

The chocolate's not important, it's about the bribing to do what should be a basic expectation. A small amount of chocolate everyday alongside a balance diet, active lifestyle and teeth brushing twice a day is neither here nor there.

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 19:22

I've always been told to brush my teeth 3 times a day, not just 2.
But we do have 3 meals a day, so that might be why

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/02/2018 19:57

Twice a day is what the NHS recommend.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/dentalhealth/Pages/Teethcleaningguide.aspx

livoh · 10/02/2018 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 10/02/2018 12:47

I had the parent of a 14 year old a few years ago admit that the only way she could get her son up and off to school was by giving him a packet of fags. It started with chocolate.

It’s not the giving of the chocolate or the calories consumed, it’s the manipulation and bribery.

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IceBearRocks · 10/02/2018 12:59

No way you should need to bribe your kids to go to school

dairymilkmonster · 10/02/2018 13:45

For me it depends how much chocolate. I would give a chocolate button/smartie or similar to get out without the tantrum and stress that goes along with it. Not more than that.
I was concerned about the chocolate button for a wee on the potty that people suggested - I assumed it would just turn into a chocolate fest, but actually it fizzled itself out as ds1 got used to the potty.
Now I am giving 1 chocolate button bribes for good effort on writing/ other things ds1 finds hard and therefore doesn't want to do. A packet seems to last a while.

KendalMintCakey · 10/02/2018 18:27

Could she have SEN?

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