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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DH gives DD chocolate at 7.30am

131 replies

Nquartz · 08/02/2018 17:01

DH drops DD off at breakfast club 4 days a week and they leave about 10 minutes after I go to work. Apparently after I have left it is so hard to get DD out the door without a meltdown that DH gives her some chocolate.

I have asked him repeatedly not to (and I get her out of the house on the 5th day without any kind of meltdown) but he says I'm not there so it isn't up to me.

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful but is he right that as I'm not there it isn't up to me?

OP posts:
FluffyWuffy100 · 09/02/2018 07:50

If it’s only 10 mins I’d all leave together and they can sit outside breakfast club practicing reading for 10 mins

WonderLime · 09/02/2018 07:56

Doesn’t anyone think that kind of empty sugar before school is a bad idea? She’ll end up having a sugar crash by time lessons start (yes, half a kit kat chunky).

I seriously don’t understand this ‘meh’ attitude to eating chocolate at 7:30. It’s a habit you really wouldn’t want to encourage. And to the poster who said a few cavities are fine. Seriously? Hmm

It’s not just because it’s chocolate though - what happens when DD won’t do X, Y and Z with her father? Will he just give her some food then, too?

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 08:02

I seriously don’t understand this ‘meh’ attitude to eating chocolate at 7:30.

Because it doesn't matter. Kids in countries with a relax attitude towards a bit of chocolate BUT reasonable size portions, a very healthy diet and very limited snacks during the day, if any, are doing fine, and the rates of obesity seem to be a hell of a lot lower. Its not a bit of chocolate you should look at, it's the terribly unhealthy meals, the school diners, the snacks, the junk food.

When a kid has grilled meat and veg for lunch, soup and salad for dinner, the bit of chocolate they have for breakfast is not doing any harm. Look at the diet as a whole, our British one is horrendous in term of portion sizes, lack of fresh fruits and veg, and healthy food in general.

liquidrevolution · 09/02/2018 08:06

As someone who uses biscuits to bribe a grumpy DD out if bed, dressed and into car for 7.30 without any upset, I cannot comment.Blush

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 08:07

I have seen parents fretting about chocolate in the morning, but who are quite happy to give a packed lunch 5 days a week with sandwiches and crisps, but think it's healthy because there's a pot of sugar-packed kid yogurt and 2 or 3 grapes.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 09/02/2018 08:13

Sweet breakfasts are different to chocolate later as you brush teeth after breakfast.I think your DH needs to work out a better strategy,bribes are for keeping for when you really need them.

WonderLime · 09/02/2018 08:39

Tarralesha I would think someone who feeds their children chocolate in the morning for an easier life will be taking the same approach whenever something is hard to make life easier.

mustbemad17 · 09/02/2018 09:06

Wonder if DH realises that the value of the bribe will have to increase as DD gets older...

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 09:14

WonderLime
I disagree. I am guilt free with a little bit of chocolate for my kids because they have a healthy diet despite their school dinners. We don't even have squash in the house.

We cannot judge someone's parenting based on a tiny snapshot, a bit of chocolate in the morning. Sometimes you bribe your kids for an easy life, yours and them, so what. Other parents let theirs watch tv in the morning, does it really matter?

floriad · 09/02/2018 09:42

Sweet breakfasts are different to chocolate later as you brush teeth after breakfast.I think your DH needs to work out a better strategy,bribes are for keeping for when you really need them

But sweet breakfasts also tend to contain much more sugar than a small piece of chocolate.

WonderLime · 09/02/2018 10:08

Tarraleaha But a bribe is only effective for so long - if it’s happening 4 times a week every week then we’re ventured into the realms of habit, rather than bribe. So what would be needed as an effective bribe in the future?

Bluelady · 09/02/2018 10:23

Can't see a problem with a couple of chocolate buttons. Sometimes you do what it takes.

Original poster
Nquartz · 09/02/2018 10:25

Wonder I think it is just a habit now because we all left at the same time today with no hassle.
She did try to get me to leave early but I was the last one out & she was happy to get in the car & go.

OP posts:
SweetMoon · 09/02/2018 10:26

YANBU. a 6 year old doesnt need chocolate every day especially as a bribe to leave the house! I'm pretty shocked he can't leave the house with her without a meltdown, but then if he bribes her with chocolate every time she doesnt want to do what he asks he is going to have major issues. as will you unfortunately as he doesnt seem to be on your side here. Its a bit weird to be honest.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 09/02/2018 10:30

Everyone ‘does what it takes’ now and then, of course we do, but this is becoming routine and causing issues if it doesn’t happen. I wouldn’t like this either.

Strongvegetables · 09/02/2018 10:31

op you will look back on this one day and think ‘ I wish it was a simple as giving her a chocolate button still’

Is it ideal ? No is it worth becoming the arse ache of the parent ? No.

Tarraleaha · 09/02/2018 10:37

People are so judgmental. I have done things with my kids when they were little, can't even remember what, to make sure the older ones were on time in the morning. Then it's the summer break, you stop the habit and you start another routine.

Who would be happy if their husband was telling them what to do, or what not to do, when they are left alone with their kids? I would not tolerate that, sorry. You don't always agree, you discuss and compromise, but you don't tell the other parent what to do.

5plusMeAndHim · 09/02/2018 14:20

he says I'm not there so it isn't up to me.

^this^

2kidsnopets · 09/02/2018 14:32

I'd be pretty cross if my DH was giving my kids half a kitkat chunky at 7.30am.
They have chocolate/sweets only occasionally, apart from when they are given it for Christmas and Easter.
All that sugar sitting on teeth is not going to do her teeth any favours, bribing her every day is not going to do her behaviour any favours and ultimately it's the kind of thing that can create an unhealthy relationship with food.

2kidsnopets · 09/02/2018 14:35

tarraleaha a kitkat chunky IS junkfood!!
I am not so bothered by my kids having a square of good quality dark choc, but kitkat chunky is just sugary fatty junk!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 09/02/2018 14:40

She's 6. So Year 2? Why is she having a meltdown every morning? Confused

5plusMeAndHim · 09/02/2018 15:30

I'd be pretty cross if my DH was giving my kids half a kitkat chunky at 7.30am

You sound a bit of a controller! Why do you refer to them as 'my kids' not 'his kids' or 'our kids'?

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/02/2018 15:41

snack the OP DH gives half a kit Kay chunky if there’s no chocolate coins/footballs, so it’s definitely not just you!

All through December DD started her day with her advent calendar chocolate.. it’s probably not ideal nutrition but I wouldn’t be too phased in those quantities (though the kit kat chunky is a bit much)

I wouldn’t personally do it because he’s set himself a precedent now. I wouldn’t overly control my DH parenting though, DD is frankly easier with me because I have routines and stick to them (eg only one bedtime story where DH will read as many as she likes til she’s over tired and cries!)

HollyBayTree · 09/02/2018 16:02

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful

I'm not sure really what your problem is.

Is chocolate disgraceful, end of
or is it only disgraceful on 4 days but not 3?
or just disgraceful at 7.30am but not 4pm?

restofthetimes · 09/02/2018 16:07

Get rid of the chocolate.