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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - DH gives DD chocolate at 7.30am

131 replies

Nquartz · 08/02/2018 17:01

DH drops DD off at breakfast club 4 days a week and they leave about 10 minutes after I go to work. Apparently after I have left it is so hard to get DD out the door without a meltdown that DH gives her some chocolate.

I have asked him repeatedly not to (and I get her out of the house on the 5th day without any kind of meltdown) but he says I'm not there so it isn't up to me.

I think giving a 6 year old chocolate 4 days a week at 7.30am is fucking disgraceful but is he right that as I'm not there it isn't up to me?

OP posts:
NotAnotherEmma · 08/02/2018 17:35

Well ofc she's gonna throw a fit with Dad if she knows he'll give her chocolate. How does he not realise she's manipulating him? He's being outsmarted by a 6 year old. 😂

JaniceBattersby · 08/02/2018 17:36

As long as breakfast has been eaten and the child has been well-behaved in terms of getting dressed, ready and shoes on, I wouldn’t really be that bothered about a couple of chocolate buttons. I would not be happy with anything more than a little biscuit though. A mars bar, I’d be livid.

Graphista · 08/02/2018 17:37

Assuming he is physically fit why on earth doesn't he just pick her up? That's what I would do.

I do wonder if some parents now think ANY physical intervention is unacceptable - it's really not.

The idea of being stymied by a 6 year old is ridiculous!

Worieddd · 08/02/2018 17:38

DS 2.5 gets a couple of smarties to get him out of the house in the morning. It just doesn’t happen otherwise

Graphista · 08/02/2018 17:40

Sorry at 2.5 you DEFINITELY can pick him up and carry him out unless you are disabled.

Using food for reward/punishment is not healthy.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/02/2018 17:41

Guess no point in her morning teeth clean four times a week then 😂

tell him fine but from now on, he does the dentist trips, so if there's a problem then the telling off can go to the person responsible.

Pity really, yes she probably already has her permanent teeth or soon will, starting almost every day with them sugared up is... not great.

Original poster
Nquartz · 08/02/2018 17:41

At the moment it is a chocolate coin or chocolate football left over from Christmas, when that isn't available I think he gives her half a kit kat chunky.

He has definitely made a rod for his own back because I think she expects it & kicks off if she doesn't get it.

I have a bit of flexibility with what time I leave so I think I'll just hang on for 10 mins and leave at the same time.

OP posts:
OfaFrenchmind2 · 08/02/2018 17:41

She is a human child, not a puppy. Chocolate is not toxic, she will be fine. Oh, and she is his kid too, he gets equal say in her education...

AssassinatedBeauty · 08/02/2018 17:41

It's not the time or the fact that it's chocolate that would annoy me. I don't think that food, particularly sweets, should be used as a reward. I'd also be a bit unimpressed with resorting to bribery, because I'd want to avoid that too.

You need to agree what you both agree and disagree with, and then both stick to it for the sake of consistency.

NewYearNiki · 08/02/2018 17:42

Dragging her out the house in her pajamas would fix it once and for all.

Enidthecat · 08/02/2018 17:42

I can't get annoyed if it's a small chocolate of biscuit or whatever.

Sirzy · 08/02/2018 17:42

What a lot of upset about a mouthful of chocolate!

If I was him I would be annoyed if you had so little faith in my parenting you felt the need to start hanging around tbh!

bridgetreilly · 08/02/2018 17:43

If she's tired, that's not sorted by giving her chocolate. She needs to go to bed earlier.

If it's not tiredness, just grumpiness, she needs to learn to do what's needed without being bribed. Chocolate every day is not okay as a bribe for anything, let alone at that time in the morning.

bridgetreilly · 08/02/2018 17:45

It's not about the amount of the chocolate, it's about associating food with reward, and bribery with obedience. Those aren't lessons I'd want a child to pick up, especially not at such a young age.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2018 17:47

You never can tell what way threads like this are going to go on MN can you?

One day it's all "oh I'm relaxed about that". On another day it's "chocolate is the devil's work and my kids never have anything sweeter than a mung bean"

FWIW I wouldn't be too impressed either. Mainly because of her teeth

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 17:48

Meh, what an over-reaction. Yes I am sure he could manhandle her in the car, he could deal with a screaming fit, but they got into a little routine where she has a bit of chocolate and everybody is happy.

I can't see the big deal. It's not like breakfast clubs, snacks, lunch, afternoon snacks and tea are that healthy, even fruits are bad for your teeth, or that school do make kids wait at least 30mn to brush their teeth after every meal.

Both parent have equal say in here, there's no valid reason why the DH should just do as he is told. He's a parent too.

Graphista · 08/02/2018 17:49

"it's about associating food with reward, and bribery with obedience." Exactly - that's what makes it poor parenting.

Very occasional bribery/corruption in an emergency is one thing 4 times a week every week is ridiculous she is learning he has no authority - how Is that going to work pre-teen onward?

Snacktimonious · 08/02/2018 17:52

I ate a small kit kat every morning when I was a child because there was nobody around to give me any breakfast. I bought it on the way to school. From around age 8. Don't think there were any ill-effects, I got a proper school dinner.

I wouldn't be worried about a chocolate football 4 days a week.
If she's going to breakfast club she's presumably had no breakfast yet. Maybe she's hungry? I'd give her a breakfast biscuit.

CakeNinja · 08/02/2018 17:52

Some people think coco pops, Frosties and pop tarts etc are appropriate breakfast foods for small children. Personally I’m a bit Shock at the idea of giving one of my kids a kitkat at 7:30am but that’s just me.

Each to their own, but it’s the tantrums and him giving in that’s the problem I think. He’s showing her that by kicking off she will get her own way.
I think you need to sit down together and talk through it between the pair of you to come up with a solution that suits you both. Be it that whatever chocolate he gives her is the only chocolate she gets for the day, or whatever. But you both need to be in agreement.
My kids have treats, of course they do, they love chocolates etc but not at 7:30! It sets them up for a sugar crash when they get To school!!

Dairymilkmuncher · 08/02/2018 17:53

Chocolate coin isn't going to do much!!

What I've done with one of my kids is everyone has pudding apart from the one that scammed extra sweets from granny before dinner, he's not allowed.... then it becomes a if I have this does this mean I won't have xyz later?

But if tables were turned and DH told me off for treating my own kids in a tiny way like a chocolate coin I would be so pissed off

Ericaequites · 08/02/2018 18:00

There's always we can leave the house nicely or we can have a slap; that was how my mother thought. Being sent to be 45 minutes earlier woukd help with the tiredness.
If a wholesome breakfast is eaten and dressing/school bag prep goes well, a Hershey kiss is reasonable. Children need a little sugar. A cavity or two is not child abuse! What is this obsession with teeth?

blackteasplease · 08/02/2018 18:00

Not the best thing in the entire world but a small square of chocolate or similar isn't the worst thing in the world.

Graphista · 08/02/2018 18:01

Yes it's not what form the bribe takes, it's the fact he's clearly unable to manage a 6 year old

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 18:01

Personally I’m a bit shock at the idea of giving one of my kids a kitkat at 7:30am but that’s just me

but would you give the kitkat later in the day? If you do not allow chocolate and sugar at all, then fair enough, if it's just about the timing, then I don't understand.

Ericaequites · 08/02/2018 18:04

The children of parents who are militant or sugar stuff themselves at parties, other houses, or buy it with pocket money. Ite media via, or everything should be had in moderation.