Dd "fat shaming" me.

[Dancingfairy]

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

If a child told me I was fat I wouldn't feel shamed. I'd feel either cross if they were being mean or.... well nothing if they were just pointing out a fact!

It's like people want me to say because I'm a big fat pig who eats lots of cakes

There is a mid ground you know. Somewhere between lying and being offensive.

We will take about it when we get home darling.

Home

Ok, mummy has a big tummy because she eats too much and doesn't exercise enough. It's important for us to eat healthy and not have fat tummies, so I'm going to make sure I eat healthy food, and get enough exercise so my tummy shrinks back and I set a good example to you. Do you want to ask me any questions?

Ok, when mentioning people's appearance, many people who have big tummies do not like you to mention them, they feel it is unkind and makes them sad. So we don't do this. You can talk to me about my appearance, but we should do this at home so I can answer any of your questions, we should not do it in shops.

Actually 'shame' is far more complex than that.

It's a bit of luck and a bit of genetics, elpheba. In some women the skin will have stretched and won't go back; in others the nerves may be damaged (I have a two inch wide numb spot all around my scar!). Think yourself lucky - but an overhang isn't in everyone's control, even if they're not otherwise overweight.

Why, in the name of FUCK, does someone need an "excuse" for being size 16?

Yes, I know. Calm down. The OP is still glossing over reasons for being overweight to her daughter which is not healthy. I'm not the only person that has said that.

I'm not sure what's going on here but no one is size 16 at five foot two due to c section unavoidable over hang. That's a ludicrous thing to suggest.

Agree with Bluntness, and why are people being horrible to Elphaba? Because she's not fat?

ODFO Candy, there's a dear.

Looks like some adults on this thread have never learned that it's rude to comment on other people's weight.

Fat shaming is a modern concept that means it not PC to mention someone is fat. Even GPs are supposedly banned from helping their patients lose weight by being told to avoid the words 'fat' etc.

Your DD is saying what she sees. That is what kids do. They say it as it is. It's got nothing to do with 'shaming'.

I'm fed up with all this over sensitivity of fat people. If you don't like people (adults) making judgements over your weight, lose it.

I wouldn’t be telling her about it being because of babies etc - I would just tell her to stop being rude.

No one's being 'horrible'. I'm just perplexed as to why anyone would think that kind of comment is relevant. The thread is about a child being inappropriate in public, so why anyone would use that as an excuse to crow about their own body seems a tad self indulgent.

Well you’ve admitted you are large ... so she’s commenting and asking about something that is true.
Seems like accidentally hurtful but natural curiosity.

(though I guess you say whatever comes to mind that you think will shut them up)

So the thread seems to be.
Fat/overweight people = Posters celebrate and say no problem well done you, you're not really fat.
Non overweight people = Shame on you you braggy fucker.

LemonysSnicket

"Well you’ve admitted you are large ... so she’s commenting and asking about something that is true.
Seems like accidentally hurtful but natural curiosity."

My son did this at 6.

In my mind the jury is out about how 'accidental' it is. Certainly now, at 7 he knows that talking about fat is rude.

One can discuss weight etc without using the word fat. But it is possible that a child of 6 doesn't know it is rude.

But the OP could have just had an honest conversation with her daughter. Instead she lied to her.

Non overweight people = Shame on you you braggy fucker.

It isn't complicated. The thread isn't about other people's post partum bodily achievements. It's about a child's comments.

But the OP could have just told her daughter the truth. She didn't. How is the child to learn if things are not explained properly in a child appropriate way?

Why is talking about fat rude though, you either are or you aren't.

Shouldn't talking about it be more open? Why lets all pretend it's not true and never mention it?

I genuinely don't understand this. Isn't it enabling it. I'm not talking about using it as an insult. But talking about fat should not be perceived as rude and it certainly should not be perceived as rude if your own child questions you on it.

My mum told me my goldfish died of a broken heart. When one died after the other. Or that my cat went to live on a farm when he died. I'm not hurt upset or confused. Calm down lol. It's no different.