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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dd "fat shaming" me.

422 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:13

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

OP posts:
RockinRobinTweets · 08/02/2018 15:01

Batshit if you don't have anything nice to say...

FGS, the OP has recently had a baby - she didn't ask for weight loss advice. Your advice sounds like it would result in an unfiltered 6 year old asking strangers why the eat too much and don't exercise!

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 15:05

Yes, lets all lie to the OP.

My DC know not to comment on how people look, but they also know that eating healthily and exercising is important.

OP could have used it as a life lesson for her DC, instead she lied to her.

ElphabaTheGreen · 08/02/2018 15:05

I think you're doing your children a disservice by lying to them. Why lie about your dad?

Totally agree and with PPs saying you're glossing over your weight (I've had two 9lb+ babies and two c-sections - flat tummy with no overhang).

Under the same circumstances, I would tell my similar-aged DS1 that the blood had stopped going to the part of grandad's brain that makes his leg and arm work. I would say I'm overweight because I don't eat the right food and I don't exercise enough - then demonstrate a change in behaviour.

Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2018 15:07

@Dancingfairy my son did that to me at the same age, I told him to stop.

The reality is I am bigger than is really healthy and I so I am overweight and heavy. But fat is a pejorative word. So you can tell your child to stop using it of you or anyone else.

Perhaps encourage them to be kind to others and not judgmental.

The kick start to your diet might not last long, I fear (having been in that boat and still being in it!) because being fat-shamed doesn't work.

But I hope you will find a healthier happier you and your child will understand that words have negative and positive powers.

NutElla5x · 08/02/2018 15:07

I think at 6 a child still doesn't have much of a filter and will just say things as they see them,especially if you are not bothering to address her 'rudeness'.You need to tell her that it is unkind to say something detrimental about people's appearances and/or abilities, because by the age of 7 she really should be able to understand this.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 15:07

It's called telling small children a child friendly version of something. I don't know anyone IRL who would go into graphic detail with children 6 and under about an accident someone had especially when they don't know what a stroke or heart attack is. It will worry them! They have plenty of time to find out when they are older. Also don't need diet tips like I said baby is 9 months and I'm bf I've been eating healthy since she was 6 months and weaning.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 08/02/2018 15:08

PS I am replying to your original post, I know things have moved on!

BeachOrPool · 08/02/2018 15:10

I'm 5'6" and 8 stone. If I were to go up to 9.5 stone I would have a fat arse and look and feel overweight

I'm 5'4 and 10 stone 5. I look ridiculously skinny at 8 stone. 10.5 I look very slim

This is coming from someone who's recovered from an eating discorded so if anything, I'm probably more swayed to think people are bigger than they are.

And even to me, 8 stone on a 5'6 person is very skinny

Rebeccaslicker · 08/02/2018 15:11

My niece did this to me at 6/7. She'd poke me in the stomach and say slyly, "what's that?" or, "why have you got two chins?"

In her case, she knew she was being mean - "fat" was and remains the worst possible insult at her school. On balance I'd rather she knew being fat wasn't a good thing because of the health implications, but i don't like the little madams using it as an insult; that threatens all sorts of problems as they get older!

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 15:11

Totally agree and with PPs saying you're glossing over your weight (I've had two 9lb+ babies and two c-sections - flat tummy with no overhang)

Everyone, please stop what you’re doing and applaud Elphaba. She has a flat tummy you know.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 15:12

I really don't see how telling your six year old daughter you're overweight because you had children is child friendly in any way shape nor form. It's absolving you of personal responsibility for your weight (not my fault, I had kids) and gives her a bad message that this is what happens to you.

In addition it will confuse her, as she will look at healthy weight mothers and not understand why if they had babies they also don't have fat tummies.

Oysterbabe · 08/02/2018 15:13

My 2 year old talks about big tummies because of sodding Peppa Pig always saying it to Daddy Pig. We must stop watching that shit.

Hopeandgloryeverafter · 08/02/2018 15:14

I'll probably get shot down but my daughter used to say it a lot to me. She's learned it through being alive. When she would tell me my tummy is fat I would say 'isn't it beautiful! You lived in my tummy once!'. The time she started to use it in a less than inquisitive way I talked to her about not commenting on other people's appearance as some people don't like being fat. I don't get the whole 'don't say fat' stuff though. I am fat. Fat is fat. We are currently talking about fat in a diet being good in moderation, vs it just being an adjective that people are sensitive about. She's 6.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 15:17

@BeachOrPool I'm really not skinny, slim but not anywhere close to skinny. I look quite healthy. I guess some people carry it differently

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 15:17

I said I told her it was because I had lots of babies to save embarrassment (again this was in public) the chil friendly was about my dad being in a wheelchair which pp commented on.

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 15:17

No a "child friendly" version of what happened to your dad would be "he had an accident which hurt his heart" not a total lie!!

When exactly were you planning on telling them the truth? What will they think when they suddenly find out they've been lied to?!

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 15:18

It's like people want me to say because I'm a big fat pig who eats lots of cakes! I was in public Ofcourse I was trying to lessen the embarrassment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 15:19

What will your children think when they find out the tooth fairy/Santa isn't real. He's legs are hurt, he can't use them.

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 15:21

They get something out of the Santa/tooth fairy lie.

There is literally no benefit to the lie about your dad. It's just a big (fat) lie.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 15:21

When exactly were you planning on telling them the truth? What will they think when they suddenly find out they've been lied to?!

Break down and cry at the injustice? Or take it on board and go back to watching a cartoon.

Redhead17 · 08/02/2018 15:22

My daughter aged 8 said this to me once, I replied with because I eat all your sweets when you’re in bed

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 15:22

I'm not suggesting they'd be upset. But I think I'd think "that's fucking weird, whys mum lying to us?"

BeachOrPool · 08/02/2018 15:22

Ignore all the busy bodies OP.

You sound fine as you are, you've just bloody had a baby not so long ago.

You're right; some people do sound like they wanted a response along the lines of "Because mummy is a greedy piggy who can't stop stuffing her big fat face" - Vile

Size 16 isn't slim but you may well be in proportion etc.

And claps 👏 for the PP with the sections and 'not even an overhang' Hmm

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 15:23

Exactly Redhead - you can only be "shamed" if you feel shameful.

I just find it weird that a child could make you feel like that.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 15:25

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