Dd "fat shaming" me.

[Dancingfairy]

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

Where's the hyperbole? Do you know what hyperbole means?

Kids that age are very honest. And curious about bodies. I'd have a chat with her about how having a baby has temporarily changed your body and ask her to not to mention it again, as it makes you feel awkward/sad. Explain she must never comment on anyone else's body shape as people don't like it.

My 2 year old is going through a stage of asking people if they have a baby in their tummy. She asked a man in Tesco yesterday

When SD 1 was 4 he was being a host at a wake we were holding in our house. SD was going round groups with bowls of nibbles. The then girl friend of a family member was very over-wright and da told her she couldn’t have crisps because she was fat. We were mortified. It actually caused a family rift.

FFS PLease excuse bloody auto correct.

Where's the hyperbole?

Your rants about lies as though the OP had some malevolent purpose in mind. I suggest you step away from the thread it seems to be making you extremely agitated what with your caps lock ranting etc.

It was hyperbole yes batshit. Because that's not the case at all. Lots and lots of people on MN feel very comfortable making negative comments about overweight people every single day. You must already have your head in the sand if you don't see it.

And I'd say your comment about babies not making you fat because you've had twins and you're not fat was smug. It certainly bloody sounded it. We certainly didn't need to know your weight to get the gist of your point

Your daughter needs to be taught about why people are overweight and that you shouldnt make people feel uncomfortable for feeling underweight.
Shes not going to learn if you lie to her, shes now going to think being fat=had babies, what about all the skinny women who have had babies? Or the fat men and women who havnt had children.
I cant understand how lying to a six year about this sort of thing will have any positive outcome?

It’s a perfectly valid question at 6. She might equally have asked why you were very thin, if applicable.

I once asked my grandmother why she took so long to eat her meal. (False teeth and she talked too much).

@Bluntness100 there are multiple issues here so here are a few quick examples...

a person with a facial injury or deformity. It's real, we can all see it, it's there. So is it ok to talk about it, is it OK to use a pejorative word that describes it, is it OK to start a conversation about it, and how it came about, and how one might be able to better hide it?

I'd say no.

So why is being overweight or 'fat' OK to talk about. Because being fat is perceived as being the fault of the person and the word 'fat' conveys a level of disgust aimed at making the person change their eating - hence 'fat shaming'.

If we want there to be fewer overweight people in society then society can change and encourage healthy eating in a plethora of ways (including taxing heavily processed high sugar high fat foods).

But just asking heavy people about their weight and size won't change anything, IMHO.

I totally agree ItalianGreyhound 100%

Oh please I'm sure many children were told similar growing up. (That mums fat/got a big belly as she had a baby) various people on this thread have said they told their children that's why they are big, there are no confused adults walking around thinking that everyone who is overweight must have had a baby and all skinny people haven't.

I'm not agitated, just amused.

It really wasn't smug, just factual. You took it as smug, that's you reading things into it.

Well someone must of taught them at some point? I dont see why six isnt an acceptable age to learn about why people are overweight?
She obviously didnt know because she asked you and I cant see the advantage of you lying?

Like I said was at the school gate did you really think I was going to go into some massive thing about how I eat so much and that's why I'm a big fatty?

DS is 6 and today he told me his teacher is fat. (I would say she's maybe a 16/18 so not what I would call fat!)

We told him that it's really not kind and he could really hurt someone's feelings by saying that.

He asked why it's okay for me and daddy to say I'm fat. I explained that being 7 months pregnant, I'm not actually fat, it's just us being silly. The baby is just making my belly very big because he's growing. But I will be more careful with what I say around him now.

PS the word 'fat' is sometimes the issue. It is a loaded word.

RingFence "Kids that age are very honest." Kids honestly is very selective, IMHO! I think it is more likely they don't have filters!

"My 2 year old is going through a stage of asking people if they have a baby in their tummy. She asked a man in Tesco yesterday"

What did he say, 'Yes, and his name's Budweisser'!!

Ps I would not have said the Budweisser comment to the man!

Pretty much everyone has said "not normal" but you haven't engaged at all

Really, you must be reading a different thread to me. A huge amount of people have said it's normal.

I've explained heart attacks, strokes, cancer, infections, brain injuries, spinal injuries and probably lots of other health conditions to my 5yo and 3yo. It has invariably started conversations about health and how to look after yourself. You do your DCs a disservice (and under-estimate their understanding) by telling them white lies.

Similarly, DH has recently lost a lot of weight through diet and exercise - we explained exactly what he was doing and why, and didn't do any glossing over the fact that he was too fat to begin with.

Neither of them are scared or worried and it has started some very good discussions with them.

Have you now at home in private told her the truth? Fair enough it was easier for you to lie initially but you need to explain to your daughter the truth, so she can learn and understand why its not okay to ask people those sorts of questions in public

I'm size 18 and all my 6 & 4 year old tell me is that I'm beautiful. This is especially surprising given I often comment on massive size, my soon to be ex H makes fun of my weight regularly. At a 16, which is fairly normal, I think your DD is learning it from somewhere. Because, while you are overweight, a 16 in this day & she isn't overly fat, it's rather normal.

She is 6 she cannot fat shame you as the concept is beyond a 6 year old's understanding. She asked what in her mind was a reasonable question. If it bothers you, then do something about it. My DH's father was obese for many years, and used to tell him that he was proud of his fat as he had spent thousands of pounds on it! He was fat and happy, no shame in it.

Italian greyhound, I don't think I agree with you, although your argument makes sense.

The reason I disagree is because I believe there should be more conversations about weight and being fat. I think society pushing us into never mentioning it to the person, so they don't get upset, isn't helpful. We know they are fat. They know they are fat. Avoiding rhe subject totally isn't helpful.

And as said, I'm not talking about random strangers, im talking about friends and family members who are unable to discuss it without being perceived as being rude.

The op here doesn't even want to discuss it with her own child. She's went so far as to lie to her rather than admit the truth. She either lacks the intellectual capacity to understand why it's different to telling your kid about Santa Claus. Or is being deliberately obtuse.

How many people have posted here saying they think it's rude for a six year old child to ask her own mother why she has a fat tummy. That's the level of don't mention it we have got to for some people. Like if you don't mention it then it might not be true and no one will notice.

For me it's gone too far now. The whole if you mention someone is fat youre fat shaming. Even when it's a small kid mentioning it to their parent.

I'm shocked and really saddened at the amount of judgmental chiding, prejudiced, know-it-all, smug comments regarding women's weight and body size.

I never thought mumsnetters were like this.

Where did I say you were agitated batshit?

And don't you think it's a bit unecessary to rush onto a thread where the OP is upset and feeling sensitive and upset to tell her your weight? No? Then I guess I can see why you don't think the OP's DD was being rude.