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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dd "fat shaming" me.

422 replies

Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 13:13

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:39

But he didn't hurt his legs!

SweetMoon · 08/02/2018 16:40

So it's ok to say someone is to skinny, or got a big nose or fat lips etc after all, it's just pointing out fact. well yes, unless you were doing so maliciously. Then of course it isn't ok.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 16:43

BitOutOfPractice No, people are saying her 6 year old was saying what she sees, and telling the OP to be honest with her.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2018 16:43

I think it's rude to make a negative comment / blunt question about any aspect of anyone's appearance

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:43

Ok I'll explain slowly.

Say someone has had a heart attack and is in hospital.

A child friendly way of explaining the truth would be to say he's got a poorly heart and is in hospital.

And older child might get told about how hearts work and how his hadn't worked very well.

A really young toddler just gets told "poorly".

Do you see? Children of varying ages can be told the truth and legs aren't mentioned.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 16:43

Was legs are the reason he is in a wheel chair as he can't walk. You seem very angry. My dad wasn't hurt or offended.

OP posts:
jarhead123 · 08/02/2018 16:44

Not normal! Very rude.

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 16:45

You seem way too offended. I'm a parent and all parents tell their kids different things there is no rule book and it's not abusive so calm down.

OP posts:
Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:45

Did someone mention abuse?

BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2018 16:45

No they weren't Batshit. And you were one of the smuggest of the blummin lot! Shock

The OP asked about her DD. Not to be lectured on why or why not she might be overweight. Or why you're not. Or what size / BMI is or isn't.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 16:46

Maybe you should step away from this thread. You seem very angry. I know plenty of people who were told dead pets went to live on farms or whatever. None of them are traumatised by it.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 08/02/2018 16:46

Elocutioner no, you're hard work. And very patronising

Chathamhouserules · 08/02/2018 16:47

I think you need to say I'm a bit overweight because you get bigger when you have a baby and need to make sure the baby grows and gets enough milk. But I'm going to get smaller because I've had the baby now.
And then remind her that, while you don't mind her asking you questions, it's rude to comment on other people's appearance because it might make them sad.
I think we need a few more honest conversations about weight etc given our obesity problem and how much it's costing the NHS. But there are ways of doing it.
And I agree peppa pig has a lot to answer for!
I'm sure she wasn't being mean she was just curious.

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 16:48

Yet still lots of you can't resist rushing on to comment on her BMI or dress size, forcing her to defend herself. Nasty.

Completely agree. Mean Girls territory.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 16:49

You could have said Grandad's had a stoke and that means his legs don't work anymore. If they ask what a stroke is tell them that people have blood in their bodies and something went wrong with the blood going round Grandads brain so now his legs don't work properly.

Chathamhouserules · 08/02/2018 16:50

Great advice here...
*Ok, mummy has a big tummy because she eats too much and doesn't exercise enough. It's important for us to eat healthy and not have fat tummies, so I'm going to make sure I eat healthy food, and get enough exercise so my tummy shrinks back and I set a good example to you. Do you want to ask me any questions?

Ok, when mentioning people's appearance, many people who have big tummies do not like you to mention them, they feel it is unkind and makes them sad. So we don't do this. You can talk to me about my appearance, but we should do this at home so I can answer any of your questions, we should not do it in shops.*

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:50

I haven't seen you address one comment on this thread OP so I've no idea why you started it.

Pretty much everyone has said "not normal" but you haven't engaged at all.

As the headmistress seems to have turned up, I'll leave you to it.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 16:51

I'm not smug at all. Just factual.

Bluntness100 · 08/02/2018 16:51

Italian, grey hound. Ok, that's well explained, it's because it embarrasses someone, and it's rude to embarrass someone.

However, being fat is visible. It's not a secret. Everyone who looks at you can see it. So why is it rude to discuss it. Clearly not in shops or as random conversation with a stranger, but why is it rude to talk about it at all?

Elocutioner · 08/02/2018 16:51

And I haven't said a thing about dress size. I couldn't care less how fat you are.

BatshitTrain · 08/02/2018 16:58

Also I didn't lecture, I just said to tell her daughter the truth.
The OP said she was overweight. Her daughter noticed and commented. Normal for a 6 year old. Instead of using it as a fantastic opening for teaching her about healthy eating and exercise, she lied to her.

Oh but I forgot, it's MN, you can't actually say anything when someone is overweight because god forbid that would mean actually telling the truth. MUST.PUT.HEAD.IN.THE.SAND

CandyYumYum · 08/02/2018 17:00

Typical hyperbole.

Original poster
Dancingfairy · 08/02/2018 17:01

We was outside the school gates. And I felt embarrassed, I actually think that's pretty normal feeling. I didn't want to go into why mummy is so fat with a bunch of sniggering parents over hearing, so I did it to save face. But yes I forgot they already think it anyway so why does it matter hey? I doubt they were thinking it until it was mention they probably had other more important things on their mind.!

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 08/02/2018 17:04

I think it's normal for children to notice it and feel unhappy/embarrassed by it.

It's not normal for children to feel embarrassed or unhappy at the appearance of their parents, unless they have been taught that appearance is something to be unhappy or embarrassed about.

I'm fat. I have a slim, physically fit teenage DS, who doesn't have a problem with it. In fact, if I ever slip up and moan about my appearance (I try not to do this at all), he will roll his eyes and say "you're FINE, mum".

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