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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I really intimidated by this ridiculous couple?

347 replies

smallishi · 08/02/2018 10:06

The ridiculous couple are my neighbours and the back story is that we have not been speaking for about 18 months because we objected to planning permission for their extension, and honestly had good reason to. They had to make a very slight/small change but their extension is going ahead which is fine with us. We no longer have their small 2nd window looking straight into our kitchen.

Previous to that we had only known them for a year as that was when we both moved into our houses and we were on friendly terms.

So things are resolved, though we are no longer on friendly terms (at their request - they asked us never to contact them again). And now every single time the husband sees me - whether it's in front of our houses or in town, he stares and holds his gaze on me until I am out of sight.

He is my age, short, balding the type of man with a very inflated sense of importance/huge ego. He is slight in build so I can't believe he thinks he is giving me a physically intimidating stare. Perhaps he thinks he is somehow psyching me out? I don't know, but I don't like it. It's always when I with my children, and I never stare back. Maybe I should? How can I get a grip on this ridiculous situation and not let it bother me?

The wife does the same, though I see her much less so it's his behaviour that I notice more. They also do things like snigger together if they are outside their house when I am coming or going.

It feels like playground bullying and I can't get my head around how/why adults would behave like this. It's making me feel awful, I know it shouldn't affect me as it's so stupid but it does and I need to get a grip.

OP posts:
Nohome · 08/02/2018 13:56

So basically you’re allowing silly little people who didn’t get their own way to rule you, they are the children behaving like spoilt pathetic brats tbh and you stuck up for yourselves then so do it now. Be brave, o know it’s hard I’m not naturally brave but you have to try to pretend to be and rise above it. Sadly you have to live next to them. Their problem not yours isn’t it.

Cottongusset · 08/02/2018 13:58

I think the cheery wave and a smile would be the best and would completely throw them otherwise just carry on as if they do not exist. They know they are upsetting you and are getting a perverse pleasure out of doing it. Please try and keep your head held high - make eye contact and say Hi there - lovely morning isnt it or some other banal comment. They will soon get fed up when they know you dont give a shit.

glitterbiscuits · 08/02/2018 14:12

I’m voting for hello and waving too.

Wouldn’t it be good if all on MN who suggested the same approach could be with you?

But in spirit we are!

Afternoon · 08/02/2018 14:13

I'd be tempted to say a bright hello, but if he glared back, look surprised, and say "Oh I'm sorry, I don't have time for a staring contest", head tilt, walk away.

SprinkleCakeLollipop · 08/02/2018 14:15

I would go with 'Are you checking me out again Mr whateverhisnameis?, I do look hot today don't I? Don't let the Mrs catch you!'

Or

'Morning Paddington Grin'

Jboure · 08/02/2018 14:21

I would hang an outside mirror on your side to reflect back any negativity

SilverySurfer · 08/02/2018 14:30

Their behaviour obviously does affect you if you feel anxious when he stares. If someone did that to me I would imagine something silly like him with a big poo on his head and laugh out loud - turn and walk away.

I may also put Queen's 'We Are The Champions' on repeat play, as close to the party wall as possible Grin

WooWooSister · 08/02/2018 14:37

We had awful neighbours like this . . .depending on the day, I would either smile or walk past without a second glance or say loudly to DCs, 'darling, I don't know why that man is always so grumpy. It's such a shame for him.' (the latter was when DC automatically said hello and were rudely ignored).

GnotherGnu · 08/02/2018 14:44

Practise the type of cheery smile that looks as if you're about to burst out laughing, plus that loud "Good morning!" or "Hallo!" I promise you, it'll make you feel much less anxious.

Shakirasma · 08/02/2018 15:02

Money might buy cars and big houses, but it doesnt buy decency and manners or

They may have a healthy bank account but make no mistake, you are worth 10 of them!

AcrossthePond55 · 08/02/2018 15:25

I'd perfect my best 'Shuffle off to Buffalo' (with 'jazz hands') and dance my way to the car or into the house, pausing to take a bow in his direction before disappearing from view.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 08/02/2018 16:19

Sign him up for junk mail.

ClementineWardrobe · 08/02/2018 16:25

My vote is for some ostentatious nose picking and flicking it in his direction. Or a ninja boob. Nobody will believe him.
😉

BrownTurkey · 08/02/2018 16:56

Stay on the friendly and unreactive high ground. They are looking for an escalation. (But I might teach the DC to smile and wave every time they see the nice neighbours).

Original poster
smallishi · 08/02/2018 17:01

Hahahah love some of the suggestions here. If only I had the balls!

OP posts:
SilverySurfer · 08/02/2018 18:16

Find your balls OP! You could have some fun Grin

Another idea, take out your mobile and take (or pretend to take) a photo of him - that will freak him out.

Weezol · 08/02/2018 18:52

You don't need some balls. You need to remember that you are demonstrating good manners for your child to see and learn from. You are ensuring that they will never behave like knobhead next door. That's not balls, that's parenting.

It's not your fault the neighbour had parents who didn't teach him the important life lesson that sugar catches more flies than vinegar.

SharonMott · 08/02/2018 19:46

I think you should do whatever you think might get them to put the house on the market ASAP OP Grin

Join the local chapter of Hells Angels perhaps? Grin Grin

CornforthWhite · 08/02/2018 22:16

You have to smile. Until you can truly ignore his behaviour and treat him like you would a normal neighbour he does have the upper hand.
A simple smile will be enormously annoying to them and so empowering to you.
Please try it. Don't go massively over the top just breezy and busy to get on with your day.
Try it once you will be amazed at how quickly his body language changes as you aren't staring at the floor and giving him a feeling of power.

Original poster
smallishi · 09/02/2018 09:49

I agree CornforthWhite. I will smile, I can do that. It's not confrontational in any way.

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 09/02/2018 09:54

They are trying to intimidate you: if there was anything to be genuinely worried about (like your windows being put through) then it would have happened by now, and without the preposterous staring. I would try and make them feel ridiculous: laugh at them, mimic the sniggering and whispering, laugh and shake your head. Make them look like the idiots they are and I would think it will stop.

DartmoorDoughnut · 09/02/2018 10:09

Maybe get some mirrored sunglasses so he can’t see your eyes, might make you feel more protected? But yes just ignore him, pretend he’s not there. Or go and see his wife and ask her to stop her husband letching at you as you’re not interested!

StopHammerTime · 09/02/2018 10:13

Just look him in the eye and say "is there something I can help with?".

Solo · 09/02/2018 10:28

Well done OP and good luck. It should have you feeling less intimidated in no time at all :) You do have to keep it up though.

ohfortuna · 09/02/2018 10:37

if there was anything to be genuinely worried about (like your windows being put through) then it would have happened by now
Exactly!
you should be thinking 'really?? is that all you've got'
He's not a threat he's just a prat 😄