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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other people’s kids at soft play

159 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 14:32

I took DS aged 21 months to a new toddlers-only soft play this morning, and honestly some of the other kids there have put me off going again! There was one large boy who had taken possession of a truck and was using it to whack every other toy in range, and another girl who screamed around her dummy at any child who dared go near the kitchen she had declared her domain. It makes me so sad to see my quiet little guy, who’s fascinated by other kids and just working out how to play and interact with others, pushed around by these vile kids. And their parents just sit on their phones while I’m gritting my teeth trying to nicely suggest their shrieking offspring share their toys. Angry. Any suggestions for handling it in the future, other than just don’t go?!

OP posts:
Poffley · 08/02/2018 13:53

I'm with you OP. Had to teach DD (2 1/2) that not all children are friendly and it's not her fault. She'd ask to play and they'd just blank her or run off.

Well I'm sorry but haven't you considered that those children might be incredibly shy rather than just rude?

Burstingwithlife · 08/02/2018 13:58

@miowthecat
Well your response says it all. In fact you’re probably at a todfler groip right now with your face buried in your phone on mumsnet with your toddler....well, who knows where whilst you call OP a bitch.
Sadly, kids that aren’t supported in their social learning, playing tend to grow up with similar antisocial behaviours that they take through nursery and school. This actually isolates those kids. It’s unfair on the child, and other kids.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 08/02/2018 14:10

How do you know they don't have special needs? Autism is invisible. Ds1 is 13 and 5 ft 11. I'm there to help him but his screaming, stamping and lunging makes him look like he's having a tantrum.
You don't know they have special needs. There are lots of invisible disabilities. You don't know if the mother of the child has depression or another mental health issue that means they need time away from their dc so they don't hurt themselves or the dc.
I'm trying to explain that not everything is as it seems.
Also what is wrong with self expression?

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 14:20

How do you know they don't have special needs?
Then it would be even worst for the parents not to supervise them. What responsible parent would ignore their SEN child in a public place? We are talking about parents with the nose on their phone or chatting with their friends and who completely ignore their own children.

Self expression in this context is just a way of describing a bad-mannered child with lazy parents.

MiaowTheCat · 08/02/2018 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 15:17

The behaviour I saw definitely wasn’t an accident, Miaow. Also, these kids weren’t learning any social skills as there was no parent there to bloody teach them Confused. And yep, I’ve already agreed I shouldn’t have called the kids vile - however in the heat of the moment that was pretty much what I was thinking, and I think a lot of people would also find it hard not to have that reaction. Also, I think you were the first one to start chucking around randomly unsolicited insults...

OP posts:
BlurryFace · 08/02/2018 15:34

My two boys can be a handful - not in a mean way, more a careless way.

I only take them to a very small softplay in a garden centre so I can keep an eye on both of them, and sit in a corner of the play area as they charge around. That way I can remind them to look for other kids before they jump in the ball pit or go down the slide - like I say, they're not cruel but can get caught up in the excitement.

I do feel a bit bad for the kids who must be about 2 who fall or get bumped and start crying with no mum or dad in sight.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 08/02/2018 15:36

They're toddlers. Hmm

MiaowTheCat · 08/02/2018 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiaowTheCat · 08/02/2018 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 16:00

Miaow I am acting like an adult - as in, I’m in there parenting my child. The problem is the other parents are not!

OP posts:
Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 16:04

kids don't emerge from the womb knowing it all and have to bloody learn somewhere

which is the point of parents needing to be parents and supervise them instead of using soft plays as drop-off points and completely ignoring them because you don't feel like spending time with your kids.

If you don't want other people to look negatively at your children, you need to be around and teach them basic social skills

LouHotel · 08/02/2018 16:06

My 20 month old whacked another kid round the head with a blow up donkey today. He stole her bouncy ball.

She is far from a vile child but she's learning limitations and how to deal with conflict.

I apologised on her behalf.

OutyMcOutface · 08/02/2018 16:06

Ffs that's what toddlers do. Calling tiny children vile is in itself vile.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 16:08

@OutyMcOutface read the thread - I already admitted I was wrong to call the kids vile, however I defy anyone not to feel a bit like that sometimes!

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 08/02/2018 17:08

Meh... my 2 year old loves our local small soft play... as i have a breastfed newborn baby i can't always be crawling around after him. However, i am aware of where he is or will go and find him if i cant see him. I do enjoy the chance of a sit down and a coffee whilst he plays.

I totally understand that some parents don't supervise at all but ime its usually the older children that get left to run riot and parent their younger siblings.

NotAnotherEmma · 08/02/2018 17:44

I thought people knew that play groups are mostly for bad parents to take their kids to so they can further neglect them while they update Facebook about how perfect they and their kids and life are.

Burstingwithlife · 08/02/2018 18:09

Your defensiveness says it all and your fowl language paints a wonderful detailed picture.
Mumsnet is for advice and support, not abuse. I think you’ll feel more comfortable on another group page.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 18:16

@Burstingwithlife I don’t think I’ve been particularly defensive, just tried to respond to other posters (many of whom agree with me incidentally). But I shall happily watch you ride off into the sunset on your high horse Grin

OP posts:
mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 08/02/2018 18:18

My parents didn't allow self expression as they were abusive. A child should be allowed to express emotion, even if you don't like it. It's the opposite of lazy parenting.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 18:28

Burstingwithlife
you did actually make me laugh Grin

What's wrong with supporting a mother whose young child is being bullied by others in a soft play may I ask?

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 18:30

A child should be allowed to express emotion, even if you don't like it.

I am not sure you would be that happy if my child was expressing his emotion by kicking yours in the face or by scratching the side of your car with a stone.

Shedmicehugh · 08/02/2018 18:55

Nothing wrong with sitting having a coffee, while your toddler plays. It is unreasonable not to look over and see they are ok from time to time

How do you know which child belonged to the mums on phones? Is it possible they were looking and checking, but missed the incidents?

Mummyontherun86 · 08/02/2018 19:36

My toddler was an absolute angel until 2.5, your time will come! Mwhahahahahahaha

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 08/02/2018 19:42

Taraleaha, you're determined not to understand what I'm explaining to you.Grin