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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other people’s kids at soft play

159 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 14:32

I took DS aged 21 months to a new toddlers-only soft play this morning, and honestly some of the other kids there have put me off going again! There was one large boy who had taken possession of a truck and was using it to whack every other toy in range, and another girl who screamed around her dummy at any child who dared go near the kitchen she had declared her domain. It makes me so sad to see my quiet little guy, who’s fascinated by other kids and just working out how to play and interact with others, pushed around by these vile kids. And their parents just sit on their phones while I’m gritting my teeth trying to nicely suggest their shrieking offspring share their toys. Angry. Any suggestions for handling it in the future, other than just don’t go?!

OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2018 15:59

I think parents forget that it’s ‘soft play’ not a nursery?

You take your kids there to play, you need to supervise play and teach them how to play nicely, instead people dump their kids in the ball pit and go and drink coffee with their friends whilst child either gets battered by other kids or they are the one battering someone else poor child.

Just don’t go, it’s like letting your dog play with a field full of other dogs and hoping he/she doesn’t get torn apart.

And it’s not the kids that are to blame, parents should watch their kids and teach them to be nice to others.

Vibe2018 · 07/02/2018 16:01

Your child is not ready for soft play by the sounds of it. Soft play is a place where children can go a bit wild (within reason). They are going to get a few bumps and have a few clashes with other children from time to time. They are very young and still learning appropriate behaviour.

If your child is too young and unable to cope then opt for a trip to the park instead and let the older children enjoy the soft play.

I have 3 DCs and the youngest is 16 months. I would expect that if I bring her to a soft play place it would be my responsibility to watch her as the older kids will be more rough than she is able to cope with yet. I view the other toddlers as babies with not much sense and don't write them off as vile people. You seem to be expecting two year olds to act with maturity and consideration - not realistic!

I wouldn't give out to the other children who weren't sharing but I would just distract my child with something else or move them away. Teaching your child to ignore other's behaviour or not to take it to heart might make them more resilient.

Witchend · 07/02/2018 16:06

No matter how my DS turns out I will be making sure he has boundaries and that I’m supervising him to make sure he’s playing nicely with other kids

Thus speaks someone who hasn't hit the older age yet. Grin

TiggersLikeToBounce · 07/02/2018 16:07

You might not the terrible twos or threes etc. I certainly didn't.
I agree that a lot of parents don't seem to want to watch their children. Enjoy your baby Smile

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 16:09

@Witchend I really don’t understand that attitude?! All of my friends have children who aren’t little horrors because they have boundaries - yep, they do all the normal two year old stuff, but their parents nip it in the bud and deal with it appropriately. I have no intention of letting my DS run riot just because he’s supposedly in the terrible twos and it’s expected.

OP posts:
dontforgetbilly · 07/02/2018 16:09

little Cholera Colin made me giggle.

But in all seriousness, if I was immuno suppressed softplay may possibly top my "places to avoid at all costs" list

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 16:10

@dontforgetbilly god yes, they are absolute germ pits - soft play and swimming pools make me want to crack out the bumper pack of dettol wipes 😷

OP posts:
Cuppaand2biscuits · 07/02/2018 16:13

My oldest is 7 and in my experience the people who use soft play centres most often are the ones with the most boisterous kids. Other people go now and then, maybe to meet friends.
But most of the kids in there are the ones who need to be taken out to stop them climbing the walls at home. Their harassed parents then ignore them while drinking coffee as they need that time to regroup.

MrsHathaway · 07/02/2018 16:16

InMemory - I don't want to be patronising but I'd have said exactly that when I only had DS1. He's exceptionally compliant.

With DC2 I realised that sometimes children can be difficult despite our best efforts and exactly the same parenting toolkit. It's still worth trying, obviously, but they're not police-trained dogs Grin

Don't ask about DC3. Man alive. Threw out the toolkit and started from scratch. And, as I said upthread, didn't take him anywhere near soft play for over a year.

50sQueen · 07/02/2018 16:17

I began not to like soft play but that was because of parents who wrapped their little ones up in cotton wool and couldn't cope with their precious ones ever so slightly being pushed. Parents can't supervise all the time- there are areas where tunnels etc are just big enough for children not adults. It's soft play, a large area you can't expect supervision all the time.

RebeccaBunchLawyer · 07/02/2018 16:18

Gosh, going anywhere near soft plays or anywhere there are the smelly, vile, screeching shitbags you call kids makes me panic! I really can’t stand the little fuckers, particularly ginger ones! And no discrimination here: I hate ALL your ugly, foul, entitled snowflakes playing, talking to me, breathing or even just existing!

Seriously, kids are gonna act up in the soft play, no? Aren’t they meant to go a bit nuts? Probably the only place they can let off the steam!

CatherineUC · 07/02/2018 16:20

InMemoryOfSleep, I know what you mean. When I took my DS a few times when he was 1 I found myself having a few words with some of the bigger kids (who weren't meant to be in that area) a couple of times. The teacher in me comes out at places like that! The parents weren't doing anything to stop them throwing balls etc at 1 and 2 year olds (or to make sure their kids were in the right area) so I did it. It is true they seem so vulnerable when they are so young so you can't help but step in when you have to. I know that when he gets bigger I won't be allowing him to behave like that on my watch. I think some parents definitely need to be on the ball a bit more as yes, it's on them, not their young children really.

Tarraleaha · 07/02/2018 16:21

Posters who pretend that your child will become an unsupervised nightmare are probably those parents who sit and ignore their children in these soft plays. It's not the children we should blame, it's their parents, but it's the kids who are running riots.

I have seen kids left in tears in soft plays because they were stuck, some because they had wet their pants, some because they had been hurt by bigger kids and no parents were to be seen for what must have felt like ever for these little ones.

You just have to be ready to follow your child around, especially when he is little. I had 4, and I would have been mortified if any of my kids had gone into a fight, or bullied younger ones. It's just rude and unnecessary. Physically stay around me so if bigger kids try to push their way through, you block them. Speak very loudly to the naughty one" this is for SHARING" and distract your kids.

When they are older and you know how they behave, you keep an eye on them from further afar, but you still supervise them. Some children are really sweet, I had some "big ones" helping out my little ones, but others really need parenting.

Lethaldrizzle · 07/02/2018 16:23

Just intervene

KalaLaka · 07/02/2018 16:23

@MrsHathaway
Grin

So true!

Tarraleaha · 07/02/2018 16:24

there are areas where tunnels etc are just big enough for children not adults.
what kind of soft play do you go to? I have never seen one where I couldn't go absolutely everywhere, even in the baby section, and I am no Kylie Minogue I wish

Argeles · 07/02/2018 16:31

I agree with you op.

I stopped taking my DD to these places, as the other parents just allow their children to run riot whilst they chat with friends or use their phones. So many other toddlers would need help with climbing up, or would approach me and talk to me. I felt sorry for them, and would end up bloody parenting them. Balls to that!

I always used to sit near to my DD so that I was ready to try and prevent her from being hurt by other toddlers who would hurl themselves down slides into others, and batter others around the head with toys.

My DH and I also stopped taking our DD to playgroups too for the same reasons as above - my DH was just as outraged as I at the lack of parental guidance and control in these places.

Spartacunt · 07/02/2018 16:31

Lord of the Flies was actually originally set in a soft play centre. Grin

MiaowTheCat · 07/02/2018 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SukiTheDog · 07/02/2018 16:41

Oooh, other people’s kids? No. No thank you. (At least I’m honest).

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 07/02/2018 16:41

That’s soft play for you.

Your child will be vile at times.

Be kind.

Ohforfoxsakereturns · 07/02/2018 16:42

Alternatively think about all the piss, shit and snot lurking in the ball bit. If the other kids don’t put you off, that should.

Tarraleaha · 07/02/2018 16:45

Of course your child will not be vile at times! How are kids expected to learn if no-one bothers parenting them? If they are left to push past others, snatch, steal turns and run riots, they will never learn. It's your job as a parent to teach them basic social skills and manners.

Posters might prefer ignoring their own kids and play on their phone, but they can't pretend that the kids are being taught anything when running riot.

Annwithnoe · 07/02/2018 16:52

I’m with you OP. It’s always the kids whose parents ignore them in soft play and playgrounds who don’t learn social skills and boundaries,
And then they go to pre-school where the other children don’t like playing with them and the parents make excuses to avoid play dates so they still don’t learn good social skills.

Pick your days and times (ask the staff for tips) and choose soft play places where the staff intervene with the truck wielding toddlers.

Camomila · 07/02/2018 16:54

I don’t mind soft play, it’s parent and toddler groups I don’t really like.
The toys are usually old/grubby/have sharp pointy bits etc soft play is all foamy and comparatively safe.

I think my toddler (also 21m) is probably one of the ‘vile’ ones [grins]
He likes to climb/jump off stuff that is really a bit too old for him, at least unlike the playground he gets a soft landing!

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