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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Other people’s kids at soft play

159 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 14:32

I took DS aged 21 months to a new toddlers-only soft play this morning, and honestly some of the other kids there have put me off going again! There was one large boy who had taken possession of a truck and was using it to whack every other toy in range, and another girl who screamed around her dummy at any child who dared go near the kitchen she had declared her domain. It makes me so sad to see my quiet little guy, who’s fascinated by other kids and just working out how to play and interact with others, pushed around by these vile kids. And their parents just sit on their phones while I’m gritting my teeth trying to nicely suggest their shrieking offspring share their toys. Angry. Any suggestions for handling it in the future, other than just don’t go?!

OP posts:
Steeley113 · 07/02/2018 19:01

It’s soft play, you can either recoil in horror and find somewhere else to take them or embrace it. Once I got past precious first born phase I totally learnt to embrace it. My kids go when they can hold their own and I sit in peace Grin I’ve done my time crawling round ‘helicopter’ parenting, it’s my turn to sit on my phone now BiscuitBrew

storynanny · 07/02/2018 19:11

I totally agree with you about “children holding their own”, but the toddlers I saw couldn’t do that, so different scenario.

RingFence · 07/02/2018 19:18

It's ok to stand up for your toddler at softplay. To the girl hogging the kitchen I would have said 'you need to let others play in here too' and if she screamed ignored her, being ready to intervene if she physically attacked mine. The boy bashing other kids on purpose would have got a stern telling off from me!

RadioGaGoo · 07/02/2018 19:21

Was the boy not bashing other toys rather than other children?

toomuchtooold · 07/02/2018 19:26

I go and play when she requests it, otherwise I'm drinking coffee wishing it were wine

I live in Germany, where they sell wine and beer at soft play.

TBH you think it's going to be great but there's nothing worse than a dodgy sekt early onset hangover at soft play.

Tarraleaha · 07/02/2018 20:53

It's actually quite sad when a parent, usually a dad for some reasons, is in the soft play messing around with his kids and a bunch of random kids try to join. They clearly would love for their own parents to play with them, but these can't be arsed.

Soft plays are a hell hole, but it's still good exercise for adults. You leave the kids to entertain themselves when you are home doing the boring stuff, cooking/cleaning/laundry and so on. Why wouldn't you want to play with your kids the rare time you are together?

storynanny · 07/02/2018 20:59

Agree, this is exactly what happened to us yesterday. The toddlers tagged onto us , we were like the party entertainers!

Eatalot · 07/02/2018 21:34

When my dd was two an older child mayne 4/5 kept taunting her with a toy she wanted. As in offering it to her and she would toddle over smiling and he would snatch it back saying no and laughing. It happened a few times so I went over with some sweets and offered her one in earshot. The child as predicted said can I have one and I tuned and said NO. I was smug for about 3 seconds when he burst into tears and I realised im a grown woman and revenge was probably not the best way to handle it. Neither was running away from a crying child but we all have growing to do as humans.Grin

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 22:30

@Tarraleaha yes exactly what happened today as well! If they’re old enough to go off on their own then fine, but otherwise I don’t understand why parents don’t spend some actual time with their kids, when they are clearly desperate for it.

OP posts:
DrWhy · 07/02/2018 22:43

We must have particularly nice soft plays round here! My 16 months old has been climbing like a monkey since just about a year old so we take him to softplay. We can’t leave him totally unsupervised as there is usually at least one obstacle that is too big for him to get over so one of us is usually climbing about or waiting near the bit he gets stuck on and we see older kids generally being careful and sometimes genuinely lovely. I’ve seen older children pulling faces and then laughing when they make him giggle, encouraging him to chase them and roar like a dinosaur, inviting him into their ‘den’ and passing him balls in the ball pool. I often get concerned parents coming over to check their toddler isn’t being too rough with the baby while my ‘baby’ is cheerfully initiating some crazy game. Admittedly he’s in Nursery 5 days a week and pretty robust, he loves to watch and play with bigger kids. He occasionally gets pushed past but honestly it’s maybe one time in five where there are totally inappropriate kids in the toddler bit being a pain and the good interactions far outweigh the bad.

Vibe2018 · 08/02/2018 00:15

I try not to spend anytime at all with my children at soft-play because it is the one time of the day I actually get a break from them. I mind them from when they wake up until when they fall asleep - I feed them, dress them, entertain them etc.

There is nothing at all wrong with trying to get a bit of time to go on your phone while they play. I glance at them to make sure they're not annoying anyone else but the last thing I'd want to do is get in and start playing with them. I don't think this is one bit 'sad'!

EmpireVille · 08/02/2018 00:23

It's actually quite sad when a parent, usually a dad for some reasons, is in the soft play messing around with his kids and a bunch of random kids try to join

It's not usually a dad, it's just that you only notice when it's a dad.

arghh21 · 08/02/2018 03:03

My local soft play is small & really only caters for children up to 4 or 5. Children have to be accompanied in the area so everyone does tend to monitor their kids behaviour. My friend once invited me to a big soft play centre that was part of a chain. It was awful & once was enough.

Getoutofthatgarden · 08/02/2018 09:31

There is nothing at all wrong with trying to get a bit of time to go on your phone while they play. I glance at them to make sure they're not annoying anyone else but the last thing I'd want to do is get in and start playing with them. I don't think this is one bit 'sad'!

Well it all depends on the age of the DC. If the DC is 1yo-2yo, they need supervising. Older DC still need supervising but from further away. The ones who just don't bother looking up from their phones are, imo, a disgrace. I've seen older kids in soft play(4yo +), running amok, whacking other kids, pushing down slides and running into baby areas...and no parents about to see it and stop it.

Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 09:32

It's not usually a dad, it's just that you only notice when it's a dad.

Not really, my DH or my male friends just seem to have a lot more "fans" when they are in the soft play than when I am there and a lot more kids trying to join in with them than we us mums. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining Grin

Flippetydip · 08/02/2018 13:08

he’s not old enough to have hit the terrible twos yet so I get that some of the rowdy behaviour is still to come, but he is naturally a quieter child.

I have no advice re soft play - I am so glad mine are too old now, but I just wanted to say yes, we had a DS like that - so lovely, so gentle, so calm and then almost overnight he was abducted by the spirit of rowdy, noisy, annoyingness. He is now 9 and the loudest, most rambunctious child you could ever wish to meet. Apparently, he is a fabulous member of the class and not disruptive at all at school, but my word, at home, the noise - the constant noise.

Good luck for the future - I suggest earplugs.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 08/02/2018 13:15

Ha ha first child mum, judging others!Grin Not all dcs have the same temperament. 'My dc is an angel because I'm such a good mother!Grin'

What's wrong with a bit of self expression?Also ds1 has Aspergers so I expect you'd judge his meltdown as a tantrum and think he's a monster and I'm a terrible mother.

Get educated and stop judging. You'll be happier.

Peregrane · 08/02/2018 13:17

Ah, so soft play exists to allow parents to check out of their parenting responsibilities? Silly me, I thought it was about the children having the opportunity to bounce around safely - which includes the parents keeping an eye to intervene if needed.

Sorry, zero sympathy to those whining that this is the only two hours they get to sit with a coffee and their phone. I understand the feeling very well, the first time I got to sit down with a coffee at soft play (for five minutes) it felt like heaven. However, it is not everybody else's problem that you are fed up with parenting and want a bit of me time.

OP, the only part where YABU is where you describe the out-of-control children as vile. That adjective belongs to their parents.

Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 13:27

@mrsBeverleyGoldberg I’m not sure I’d call it ‘self expression’ exactly Hmm more like bad behaviour. In no way am I saying my DS is an angel, but I try my best with him - the parents at soft play were not even trying to manage their kids’ behaviour. I’m assuming that when your DS has a meltdown you’re there with him to manage it as best you can and in the way that’s most helpful to him. These kids did not have special needs, they were just being badly behaved and their parents couldn’t be bothered to do anything about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
InMemoryOfSleep · 08/02/2018 13:29

@Peregrane yep you’re right, I shouldn’t have described the kids as vile - although I will admit that was my initial thought when I was there trying to deal with them, I know the parents are to blame for not managing what is otherwise pretty normal behaviour.

OP posts:
Tarraleaha · 08/02/2018 13:37

What's wrong with a bit of self expression?
Oh dear, one of those parents.

Burstingwithlife · 08/02/2018 13:41

@inmemoryofsleep I absolutely agree. I recently took my 2 year old and have regretted it ever since. It’s not the kids fault, it’s the parents. Every time my dh and I take ds to toddler/children play areas the poorly behaved children are generally completely unsupervised and just left to run riot. The whole point of these places is for the young to learn social skills, interaction sndvyo have fun. Toddlers don’t just suddenly grasp the concept themselves. They need support, supervision and encouragement. My older ds used to bite out of sheer affection, do whenever mr other children I would be right behind him ready to intervene and distract. So many mothers just sit mattering facing the opposite direction with phones in hand oblivious. It’s also amazing at how many of the toddlers smell strongly of urine or poop and are running around with a face full of snot. There is no excuse for it in my opinion. I took my son twice in one week and ever since he’s been poorly for the four weeks following. 2 awful colds back to back, hand foot and mouth and now croop! If your child is ill surely it’s better to keep them away from a large group of children? A few kids st the Todfler group were snotty and coughing quite badly. I’m glad I’m about to have another baby do my ds can learn healthy interaction at home and with the company of like minded families.

Poffley · 08/02/2018 13:43

You're being really PFB. I actually have a little boy who sounds similar to yours - he's nearly two, he's very gentle and sensitive and the other kids run rings round him, he won't stand up for himself at all

But these are TODDLERS! They don't understand. You could just as easily have one who snatches or doesn't like sharing or bosses the other kids around. Really not on to call such children "vile".

Any time my son has been pushed or hurt by another child the parent of that child has been mortified and apologised, and that is good enough for me.

Burstingwithlife · 08/02/2018 13:49

@anxioussally Sorry but your missing the point entirely. Nobody is being critical of young children who do some of these behaviours or of the parents who own them AND supervise, parent them. This post is about the crappy parents who really can’t be bothered to even watch their child from a distance. Out of sight and out of mind ‘this is my time ‘ If a child expresses any sort of anti social behaviour at toddler group, surely the parents are aware as the same must happen at home/ in other environments. Kids will squabble but the parents need to be role models and help them through it just as you did.

Carouselfish · 08/02/2018 13:51

I'm with you OP. Had to teach DD (2 1/2) that not all children are friendly and it's not her fault. She'd ask to play and they'd just blank her or run off. Agree that supervising under 3 at soft play is the right thing to do. Just because it's soft doesn't mean they can't land horribly or hurt each other. Find a quieter time to go.