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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Other people’s kids at soft play

159 replies

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 14:32

I took DS aged 21 months to a new toddlers-only soft play this morning, and honestly some of the other kids there have put me off going again! There was one large boy who had taken possession of a truck and was using it to whack every other toy in range, and another girl who screamed around her dummy at any child who dared go near the kitchen she had declared her domain. It makes me so sad to see my quiet little guy, who’s fascinated by other kids and just working out how to play and interact with others, pushed around by these vile kids. And their parents just sit on their phones while I’m gritting my teeth trying to nicely suggest their shrieking offspring share their toys. . Any suggestions for handling it in the future, other than just don’t go?!

OP posts:

RadioGaGoo · 07/02/2018 14:58

I took DS to soft play when he was 8 months. There is a room that is supposed to be dedicated to under 1's, but all the children were running in and out and bouncing around excitably. Apart from very kindly asking the children to watch out for my baby, I said not one word or made a complaint to anyone, because I know that in a few years time my DS is going to be exactly the same as those excitable children. Of course I will be teaching him how to behave around other children and adults, but there is something about soft play that children just get carried away.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/02/2018 14:59

Yanbu.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/02/2018 15:00

I have taken my niece and it was bloody awful. Parents need to take responsibility when they are that little. Your dc shouldn't be being knocked about by other dc.

Backenette · 07/02/2018 15:05

Seriously if satre was writing now it’d be ‘l’enfeur, c’est le soft play.’

It’s a hellish, loud, sweaty germ ridden pit of filth, populated by tiny, shrieking, disease vector banshees.

Go at quiet times, and there’s nothing wrong with not wanting your small toddler to be mown down by older kids.

codswallopandbalderdash · 07/02/2018 15:06

this is the reason I hate soft play and don't go very often. Too many parents who think their parenting responsibilities end when they go to soft play (and they can sit down and have a coffee). I have seen kids hitting others with brought in toys in soft play and parents doing nothing, kids getting kicked in the face because of older children playing inappropriately in younger areas, kids faces getting badly scratched in the ball pool ... sometimes these are accidents, sometimes the kids are behaving wildly, sometimes it's lack of parenting. I view soft play as a war zone tbh ...

storynanny · 07/02/2018 15:07

We took our just 2 year old grandaughter to local small soft play yesterday. Me and grandad were the only adults interacting. The other young toddlers were totally unsupervised and out of view of a parent. There were 3 groups of mums round tables chatting and on their phones.
I was the one helping their stuck toddlers or finding their mum when they crying because they had tripped and hurt themselves.
I was quite appalled to be honest and Im not one to mollycoddle or hover parent at all.

Shedmicehugh · 07/02/2018 15:09

Look at it as a life lesson for your little one, there will be plenty of less quiet kids, in school, kids who play a bit more rougher etc etc

What did your little one make of the other children’s behaviour? Did he even notice? Or just toddle off and play elsewhere with something else? In fairness it’s a bit hard to share one truck at 2!

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 15:11

@Shedmicehugh he was pretty nonplussed, although he wanted to play in the kitchen (his fave thing in the world at the minute) so that took a bit of gritted-teeth negotiating on my part. It’s the lack of parental supervision that gets to me I think, rather than the behaviour per se.

OP posts:

Lovemusic33 · 07/02/2018 15:13

Just don’t go, I hated soft play for the same reason. Ignore the people saying ‘your one of those who thinks your kids a saint’ , I have seen how kids are at soft play. My child was bit by another child, pushed over, punched and expereanced verbal abuse from older kids, whilst their parents sat and did nothing (or they were busy on their phone or drinking coffee). I stoped going, my kids are now teenagers and they don’t feel they missed out on not going, they only went when invited to parties.

Getoutofthatgarden · 07/02/2018 15:13

YANBU - I remember those years, I hated soft play. It wasn't even just other toddlers it was the bigger ones. I remember one time, a big lump of about 10 came storming into the baby ball pit and ran around hurting the little ones...until a staff member put him out.

We spend so much time teaching our children manners, how to share, not to snatch, not to throw etc. just for other kids to do the complete opposite to them. I also remember having to take my DD home from a birthday party when she was 4. Everything she went to play with, 3 other girls shouted at her to "leave it, I want that" and snatched things from her, even though they were playing with other things. The parents were in the kitchen drinking and didn't supervise at all.

Quartz2208 · 07/02/2018 15:16

Yep its definitely a parent issue - been territorial is a learning phase but one that should be monitored by parents.

I remember once being at a hotel when some parents declared to me how fortunate they were that there children went off and played and they could relax (implying of course that they had parented them better than me who was still supervising).

I had to bite my tongue as I had already been involved in politely sorting out their children before they tried to drag the large rocking horse from the play area, across the restaurant floor and to the playground and stop one of them hitting the other with rocks

Shedmicehugh · 07/02/2018 15:24

Gritted teeth negotiating on your part? What with the other 2 year old!? 😁 sorry I’m picturing it! Negotiating and conflict are all skills he will need to learn too, along with sharing. He will learn by leaving him to it! (Within reason obviously)

Yes, other parents sometimes don’t have the same standards. A life lesson for you too!

I know it’s frustrated, mine were pretty quiet at that age too. They do have to learn, that the world is not full of quiet people and how to negotiate this.

Spikeyball · 07/02/2018 15:25

They sound like toddlers behaving like unsupervised toddlers. Hardly vile.

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 15:29

@Shedmicehugh yep I know I’m not one for telling off other people’s kids though, so I was having to firmly encourage her to relinquish the kitchen

OP posts:

fannyfelcher · 07/02/2018 15:29

I can't stand soft play. Some parents haven't got a clue what their "angels" get up to and just let them run riot. Last week there was a kid about 4-5 years old walking around coughing on everything and everyone. Not once did he put his hand over his mouth, and his mum didnt even bother to ask him to. He walked up to our table and literally coughed phlegm onto the table and saliva/mucus all over the place. I recoiled in horror and the mum got all huffy. I told her that little Cholera Colin was obviously infectious and given that I had a suppressed immune system he was literally a danger to my health. Our food was ruined and nobody would replace it. I left immediately but within 24 hours sure enough I have a raging temperature and am still on antibiotics. I have had 4 bouts of pneumonia in 2 years thanks to people like that.

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 15:31

@fannyfelcher Cholera Colin has made my day 😂

OP posts:

BrendasUmbrella · 07/02/2018 15:35

Your 'quiet little guy' and those 'vile kids'. Right.

Yes. Sometimes. Right.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 07/02/2018 15:44

Hahahaha oh dear OP. Your little guy might be quiet and sweet when he’s still practically a baby but give it a few more months or longer and you may well have a truck bashing screamer who hates sharing! Or worse.

Honestly these little ones aren’t “vile”, they’re toddlers. It’s frustrating but part of growing up. I have gone through it twice and actually haven’t really left it as my son who has ASD still has the same poor impulse control he’s had since being toddler.

Shedmicehugh · 07/02/2018 15:45

Inmemory - you remind me of me, when I had my first child! You want fairness and justice for your baby!! Even from other 2 year olds

All I can say, by my second, I was bit more laid back at sitting back and allowing them to try and sort out their own little squabbles, rather than refereeing and micromanaging every last thing! Negotiating and conflict managing are much needed skills too for little ones.

Wait until he starts school, you will be pulling your hair out!!

BullshitSandwich · 07/02/2018 15:50

no way would I not supervise my child

I used to take my kids to soft play purely because it was the only time my usually firmly-attached-to-me child would venture away from me. It was two hours of peace. Ain't no chance I'd be chasing her about while we were there. But at the same time, I knew my child wasn't the type to be clothes-lining other kids over a toy.

hibbledibble · 07/02/2018 15:54

Surely the only reason parents go to soft play is to get some peace? Little darlings go and play and parents get to sit down with a cup of tea?

Yes, yabu for calling a child vile.

Original poster

InMemoryOfSleep · 07/02/2018 15:55

No matter how my DS turns out I will be making sure he has boundaries and that I’m supervising him to make sure he’s playing nicely with other kids!

OP posts:

SweetMoon · 07/02/2018 15:57

YANBU, I hate those places. There is always one or two little horrors who never share or take turns and crash, bash and scream their way around knocking over anything and anyone in their path. And they seem to have been dropped there by invisible parents who are nowhere about or the other extreme where they have a mother who just says loudly and oh so sweetly, "don't do that sweetiepie. We shouldn't hit the little girl now should we. Thats right, good boy. Oh try not to kick the little boy dahling. good boy' And it just drives you craaaaaazzzzzyyy. For your own sanity, don't go until your child is robust enough to hold his own.

Londonmamabychance · 07/02/2018 15:58

Tbh., I used to go to soft plays and childrens ventres etc etc all the time. I sued to think my kids needed that sort of stimualtion adn at least then, they weren't messing up the house. But in fact, I now think it's more hassle than it's worth. So stresful having to run after and look out for what your child is doing, potentially getting into conflicts with other kids (which is normal at this age), or getting lost. I eralised I don't feel v zen after that sort of outing, and now prefer just going to the park, or the library, even if it's blood freezing, at least it's mroe peaceful and I'm not at all sure that the kids need all that over stimualtion and hecticness that is soft play, at least not on a regualr basis. I certainly don't need it

Shedmicehugh · 07/02/2018 15:58

Just wait for the mother and toddler groups, when your little one is quiet happily playing with a toy, minding his own business and another little ones snatches it away and mum turns a blind eye!

You will want to sprint after the toddler, rugby tackle them to the floor and snatch it back

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