To not cut my daughters hair???

[Dollygirl2008]

My daughter is 9 and has very long, thick, naturally wavy blonde hair - past her waist. It is absolutely beautiful (when brushed) and she has lots of comments but because of the texture, it naturally gets incredibly knotty. On holiday last year, it was a nightmare - not sure whether it was the sea-water pool, but it would take me 30 mins to get through it. However, at home, it's not THAT bad - lots of conditioner etc, and by plaiting it each night makes it absolutely fine to deal with.

My issue is that her father and wife are constantly on at her, saying that it's dreadful and needs to be cut to her shoulders which makes her feel rubbish and puts her in a difficult situation. I've told her that if she wants her hair long, now is the time - if you can't grow your hair long at her age, then you'll never do it. I make sure the ends are cut, and that it's in good condition, put up etc for school.

Two things: (a) she is going on holiday with her father in the Summer and he's told me to get it cut before - is this being unreasonable? I was going to have a few inches off it, and maybe layer it

and (b) anyone else have hair like this, and if so, what products do you use?

AIBU???

Haven't read the full thread so apologies if it has already been mentioned, but have you tried leave-in conditioners for very curly/afro hair? I use these myself.

Boots - I think the ones I use are called ORC (smells lovely - white bottle), Cantu (round white tub with orange lid). There are usually loads on the shelf.

I use them on my DD's hair as it gets very knotty, straight after the bath. Without it, her hair gets so knotty I get scared we will have to cut it and she HATES brushing! With the product in (root to tip), the hair is easier to brush for 2-3 days between washes.

I'm a big fan of short hair on kids. Practical and easy.
BUT by 9 it's not up to the parents, it's up to the child. At 9 she should be perfectly capable of learning to brush or comb and plait her own hair. It's not hard, it's just taking the time to experiment and learn.

Cornrows will stay in on a white child if they are done properly. Greeks braided their hair, Egyptians braided their hair, Vikings braided their hair, chinese warriors braided their hair. If it is appropriate, it is a appropriating from a shit tonne of cultures, including some white cultures.

One culture cannot 'own' a hairstyle and I'm still waiting to hear what cultural significance braiding has in black culture.

OP, your daughter's hair is part of her identity. I'd look into options for mid length hair and if any would be acceptable to your DD discuss it with her father. If Ex and SM cut your daughter's hair, DD might not forgive them. I had a haircut from hell as a child and several decades
later it still rankles.
Forget the cornrows (sunburnt partings), tangle teaser (I wouldn't trust it to not damage hair), and things.
DD needs to get an afro comb and learnt how to detangle her own hair, and learn how to plait and tie back her hair.
Cheap conditioner combed through before swimming will help.

In my life, I've had my hair longer, and shorter than most women will ever have it. It was nearly knee length at its longest (took a while to wash, but otherwise very easy to care for. I didn't use a hairdryer. It took about a minute to pin it up in a bun). I now have an extremely short pixie cut - about an inch long. DD has never seen me with long hair, she's not copying me & I'm not projecting. But, I do want her to have the hair she wants - something I wasn't allowed as a child. If she wanted to donate her hair & get a pixie cut that would be fine too. If she wanted a buzz cut I wouldn't care, except I'm not sure what her school would say. I don't know why people assume that any mother of a girl with long hair is projecting. I let my DD choose her clothes, why not her hairstyle?

Exactly, Joz.

Dolly "As the ever-insightful Teen Vogue notes: “When Kylie sports cornrows at Coachella, it’s considered ‘edgy’ and ‘cool’. When black people wear cornrows, they get passed over for jobs and are asked to leave their classrooms.”

from this theconversation.com/braid-rage-is-cultural-appropriation-harmless-borrowing-or-a-damaging-act-77920

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks

crying!!!!!!! And now I've got that song going through my head!!!!!!

Sorry! 😂

It seems like a bit of a non issue really.

But I admit i dont like hair that long on a kid. It just feels a bit unnecessary. Whats wrong with a couple inches past her shoulders?

As the ever-insightful Teen Vogue notes: “When Kylie sports cornrows at Coachella, it’s considered ‘edgy’ and ‘cool’. When black people wear cornrows, they get passed over for jobs and are asked to leave their classrooms

That's not cultural appropriation though. If a black woman is treated different to Kylie Jenner for wearing cornrows, that's racist not appropriative. Also, I'd bet the black woman would get away with them at Coachella, whereas Kylie wouldn't be able to wear them in highschool or for job interviews.

I have had thick hair down to my belly for years! Never comb it wet is the main one for me, it's so much easier to comb dry, when I used to stay at my dad's my mum would give me a French plait that would last a few days if that's an option? Recently cut my hair because of the pregnancy sickness was so hard to cope with, cut to shoulder length and it is alot easier to manage but I don't feel as happy when I style it as there's not much I can do with it! If he is going to make her have her hair cut then he should take her too? You don't want her to blame you if she isn't happy with the result especially when you don't think she needs it cutting!

I've told her that if she wants her hair long, now is the time - if you can't grow your hair long at her age, then you'll never do it.

Another dissent for this - my hair was pixie short at primary, I started growing it at 11 and could sit on it by the time I left secondary school. Grow it whenever you like, if you can look after it. Used to take me half an hour to wash it through thoroughly and another half hour to dry as it's so, so thick. I had it cut into a bob at 18, fed up with it. Back to a pixie cut for me now in my late thirties, but I've had long and short over the years in between! Whatever works - but if she wants it long, she either has to deal with it herself or reach a compromise herself with her dad.

She doesn't want it cut.

I rather think the cornrows (plus a few inches off) might be a good solution. I can see that this may be a bit of a tricky situation - it might not be ideal if the stepmum is asking for the daughter to have a hair cut but if she is the one who ends up having to sort it out every day, I kind of see her point. Partly because I am not very good at plaits.

I wonder whether the father and stepmum will object to the cornrows? In theory they shouldn't, particularly if it removes the needs for spending ages brushing and plaiting.

I agree with whoever said there's a happy medium in between bum length hair and a bob.

My DD has long, thick wavy hair, and once it gets beyond a certain length it's a PITA. The ends get dry and super knotty. I can't imagine dealing with her hair if it grew past her waist!

So how about cutting it to halfway down her back? Because once she goes on holiday with her dad, it'll either end up dreadlocked or cut short.

Just adding this as u remember it on the radio. A girl had her hair plaited abroad into cornrows and it was too tight and her hair fell out. Literally she ended up bald.

So if you get it done get it done in the uk.

There is also a happy compromise between cutting all her hair short without her consent and allowing a 9 year old to
Grow her hair to her toes if she so chooses.

Common sense and all that

Teach her how to take care of it. No reason she can't plaît it herself at that age and wash condition and all the rest. Otherwise I'd say it should go.

Hair below the waist is an entirely different matter

why Curry?

My tomboy dd's hair is to her bum. It's never been touched with a scissors ever....It's clean and brushed and in a bun for school.

I don't understand what the problem is. I think it's beautiful.

There's long hair - think Kate Middleton for example - and then there's unmanageable bum- length hair. If the hair is almost permanently braided or in a bun, what does it matter if it's six inches shorter and is just "normal" long hair? I think going on holiday with a style that requires a 30-minute evening routine every night is really impractical and the other parent is quite right to not want to commit to that.

I don't think cornrows would work in this situation because of the sun/exposed scalp issue though I vehemently disagree that they are inappropriate on white children.

Coconut or another inexpensive oil combed through the hair before swimming will create a barrier between the hair and the water and also protect the hair from the sun and keep it moisturised so it's easier to comb.

If her hair is wavy, you'll probably find that layers add more volume and movement (aka frizz) if they're not styled properly.

I always find Tangle Teasers a bit shit on thick hair. A Wet Brush is what you need and a decent leave in conditioner or detangler spray. A cornplait might work for a few days if SM knows how to do them.

Tell your husband and his wife, if they are unable to properly care for DD (and that includes helping her comb her hair) then it's not appropriate for them to take her on holiday but once she's older and more able to meet her own needs things will change.

I agree, a wet brush is the best thing for long hair, sails through long hair.

I actually don’t think bum-length hair looks ‘beautiful’ on any human. It looks weird - disproportionate to the rest of the body, like some kind of tail. Or Cousin It. I don’t understand the ‘longer is better’ thing, and I wouldn’t encourage it in a child at the expense of an extra half hour a day of playtime.

My dd has long v curly hair and i use Aldi leave in miracle conditioner and a tangle teezer. Easy!