To not cut my daughters hair???

[Dollygirl2008]

My daughter is 9 and has very long, thick, naturally wavy blonde hair - past her waist. It is absolutely beautiful (when brushed) and she has lots of comments but because of the texture, it naturally gets incredibly knotty. On holiday last year, it was a nightmare - not sure whether it was the sea-water pool, but it would take me 30 mins to get through it. However, at home, it's not THAT bad - lots of conditioner etc, and by plaiting it each night makes it absolutely fine to deal with.

My issue is that her father and wife are constantly on at her, saying that it's dreadful and needs to be cut to her shoulders which makes her feel rubbish and puts her in a difficult situation. I've told her that if she wants her hair long, now is the time - if you can't grow your hair long at her age, then you'll never do it. I make sure the ends are cut, and that it's in good condition, put up etc for school.

Two things: (a) she is going on holiday with her father in the Summer and he's told me to get it cut before - is this being unreasonable? I was going to have a few inches off it, and maybe layer it

and (b) anyone else have hair like this, and if so, what products do you use?

AIBU???

As Ljlsmum said, be careful adding layers. They can make plaiting much harder as the shorter bits won’t stay in. Talk to your hairdresser about the ways you usually like to tie it back & they can advise. Both my long-haired dds prefer Wetbrush to the TangleTeezer & I agree. They don’t pull & look more like a conventional hairbrush with a handle. Perhaps a bit more user-friendly for the less hair-interested parent and slightly easier for children, with their shorter arms, to reach round to the back of their heads with.
Brushing someone’s hair is a very personal thing. Are you ex-dh & his wife less confident with the physicality of parenting? One of my dds has always got tearful if her hair is very tangled. It takes patience to deal with it & I wouldn’t want anyone who was intolerant tackling my child’s hair.
Wishing you lots of luck finding products that your dd can use herself. She’s got time to practice.

I had hair like that. It was cut quite short. I've had no problems growing it out. I would suggest you buy her a detabgling brush and some detabgling spray and teach her how to manage it herself. Putting in rosehip oil before washing also really makes a wonderful difference but can be quite expensive.

I have thick curly hair and short layers were a nightmare. I have long layers now so they are only about an inch shorter than my general hair length. My hair used to get badly matted until I stopped washing it so much. I was it around twice a week and I don't wet it in between (unless it's raining). A hairdresser did say to me about putting conditioner on my hair then going out into the sun on holiday. She said that's basically what a deep conditioning treatment is (conditioner plus heat).

@UgandanKnuckles

This reminds me of when my sister (who had arse length straight red hair) went to visit family in London with our gran who, without telling my mum, promptly took her to a hairdresser and had her hair chopped to chin length.

I had waist length hair as a child, went to stay with my grandparents over Easter and my grandmother persuaded me I wanted a pageboy hair cut. I was maybe six, just coming up to seven?

I hated it and my mother (who had a lot to put up with anyway from her MIL) has never forgiven her for it.

Tbh, at the age of 9 the fact that she loves her hair as it is should come second to the fact that it needs so much attention from other people.
If she learns to manage it herself (pretty much, a little help is fair enough) she gets to keep it, if not she needs it cut.
Imposing several hours work per day on the adults around her isn't really on.
It's not a hobby...

If it’s staying long I’m with the don’t thin it out or later it posters. Just makes for sticky out bits on braids and makes up dos harder to do and looks scruffier. Yes to a trim but wouldn’t layer it.

Drench, really drench the hair in tap water before setting out for the beach/pool and work in a light conditioner

Please don't do this for swimming in a pool, it pollutes the pool for everyone else.

Another vote for a tangle teezer!
I have very long, fine hair, and lots of it. It knots so easily and tangle teezers are the best brushes I've used.
Could she have braids while on holiday?

As for products, I think you have to find the ones which suit your dd best. I find the Aussie 3 miracle oil serum much better than Moroccan oil. Dd has thick, wavy/curly hair. She’s growing it again after having it all different lengths. Interestingly, I ran out of the Aussie conditioner I usually use and the only one available in the shop was Elvive colour protect. I find it much better for dds hair and mine. I also find Elvive oil shampoo more moisturising. It may be changing products that did it as I have read your hair gets used to the same products and they become less effective. Idk if it’s true obvs.

Oh and I loathe the tangle teezer. Perhaps it’s because according to the hairdresser dd has double the amount of hair as the average adult, I find it doesn’t work. Just creates a smoothed over birds nest.

Imposing several hours work per day

Several hours?

Dd is 7 next week and has never had her hair cut. It just grows outwards.

Hers is make of a curl though but still, people are shocked when they hear this.
I do a lot to keep it in good condition.

ask her what she wants and if she wants to keep it long get it braided into cornrows before the holiday and then her dad has no reason to kick off about it because it wont need brushing. Make sure to get the cornrows taken out by a proper hairdresser when she comes back though. I had very long hair as a child and had cornrows on holiday and did not get them professionally removed and left them in too long and it completely matted and destroyed loads of my hair! So it is worth getting them taken out by a hairdresser.

That's really interesting about the cornrows. I had a couple of very small ones done when I was in Thailand many years ago, and my hair basically fell out when I tried to take them out - I hadn't even thought of having them done professionally!!! I'll speak to my hairdresser.

Just to clarify - I don't "spend hours a day" on my daughters hair!!!! Im at work for ten of them each day!!!! But on holiday, yes, it was a good 30 mins and I wouldn't wish that on her dad or his wife as patience is not in abundance!!

You've all been really help and lots of things to try

Cornrows will not stay in for a week on a white child. They also look like you are clueless and appropriative.

What do you mean your hair fell out? Did it snap off at the root or was it pulled out. It is normal for tons and tons of hair to come out when you remove corn rows. We shed 100/125 hairs daily and plaiting it like this prevents this process.

drspouse
What do you mean? My dd has got hers done 3 times on holiday and kept them in for at least 3 weeks.

drspouse - that's a bit harsh isn't it? What do you mean "clueless and appropriative?!"

How long cornrows will stay in depends in hair texture.

Lots of white children come back from their summer holidays with hairbraids/corn rows 😕

Just have hair plaited (one or two plaits - not cornrows!) on holiday.

Not sure layers are a magic solution

drspouse What a ridiculous comment.

BookHelpPlease unable to brush it yourself? At 9? DD went on a residential school trip at 9, not only was she expected to be able to brush it herself, but wash and towel dry it herself as well. She was more than capable.

Normal plaits/ French braids/ Dutch braids/ etc are fine, but a lot of people find corn rows cultural appropriation as it is quite specific to black history (and in fact can put typical fine Caucasian hair under quite a lot of stress), a bit like how many people feel about dreadlocks, or about bindis as a “clubbing” fashion in the 90s. You may feel differently but it could be worth considering.

I think she’s getting old enough to decide for herself and to also learn to brush it and condition it.

Always brushing from the bottom up. Never rubbing her hair with a towel.

For summer she should use a leave in conditioner and plait it every day and again at night.

My DD has thick bum-length hair. I'm a bit meh about it, but she loves it and has actual nightmares about having it cut, so the deal we have it that so long as she does as much of the upkeep as possible herself she's allowed it long (she's 7, btw).

We only wash it 2 or 3 times a week and I help her get all the shampoo out (as any build up causes tangles). She then conditions and adds a further cream conditioner herself when dry.

Our golden rules are:

• it gets thoroughly brushed every night before bed. She tests for knots by running her fingers through it. I then give it a quick brush (30 seconds or so) and plait it for bed. Tight french plaits are best. DD can put it into 2 loose plaits by herself for sleepovers (if your DD can't plait, 2 low pigtails are better than nothing)
• it gets thoroughly brushed every morning. Same as above.
• it gets plaited before getting wet (going swimming/playing in the rain, etc). A ponytail or pigtails are ok if it can't be plaited and DD always keeps a hair tie around her wrist if going out with hair down.
• it gets thoroughly brushed if it does get wet (when down) and never allowed to dry knotty.

Aside from the plaiting, I spend very little time on it. It did take time to teach DD to brush it properly and tie it back and plait it herself though.