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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cut my daughters hair???

176 replies

Dollygirl2008 · 07/02/2018 09:51

My daughter is 9 and has very long, thick, naturally wavy blonde hair - past her waist. It is absolutely beautiful (when brushed) and she has lots of comments but because of the texture, it naturally gets incredibly knotty. On holiday last year, it was a nightmare - not sure whether it was the sea-water pool, but it would take me 30 mins to get through it. However, at home, it's not THAT bad - lots of conditioner etc, and by plaiting it each night makes it absolutely fine to deal with.

My issue is that her father and wife are constantly on at her, saying that it's dreadful and needs to be cut to her shoulders which makes her feel rubbish and puts her in a difficult situation. I've told her that if she wants her hair long, now is the time - if you can't grow your hair long at her age, then you'll never do it. I make sure the ends are cut, and that it's in good condition, put up etc for school.

Two things: (a) she is going on holiday with her father in the Summer and he's told me to get it cut before - is this being unreasonable? I was going to have a few inches off it, and maybe layer it

and (b) anyone else have hair like this, and if so, what products do you use?

AIBU???

OP posts:
IHeartKingThistle · 07/02/2018 12:50

Kids should be running around carefree and waist length hair is an actual physical barrier to that and causes actual pain trying to sort it out. She's not Rapunzel.

SockEatingMonster · 07/02/2018 12:58

I would have agreed with you before having DD IHeartKingThistle, but she doesn't let it stop her. She spends most her summer upside down on the school field doing handstands and cartwheels, she's the best tree-climber in the family and I honestly can't remember the last time I saw her in a dress. She can twist her hair back into one of those loose bun ponytails in seconds, and off she goes. She'd probably save herself 20 minutes each day if her hair was shorter, but it's her body and her decision.

angieloumc · 07/02/2018 12:58

I would recommend 'Sweethearts Hair Detangler'; it's a really good product that helps untangle hair particularly after swimming or when the hairs been washed or put up for the day.
My DD who is 13 has fine wavy long hair but tons of it and it's the best thing I've found IMO better than Aussie or other leave ins. She or I do use it every single day, after washing/conditioning or in between days when it's just going to be left down or plaited. You can get it online.
If your daughter is happy with long hair that's fine, she shouldn't have it cut to please her father, however I would be a bit concerned he might take her to have it cut on holiday.
So maybe go and have say 5/6 inches cut off; I myself wouldn't recommend thinning the hair as I always think it makes it look a bit stringy.

surreygoldfish · 07/02/2018 13:02

My DD had hair similar to this - caused no end of arguments. Fortunately a number of the girls went through a phase of cutting their hair and donating it. So she joined in and we’ve not looked back - looks healthier, really suits her and is easier to keep. I did wait for her to decide to have it chopped (with some encouragement!)

halfwitpicker · 07/02/2018 13:05

So many parents projecting onto their kids it's unbelievable Confused

Just cut it!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/02/2018 13:06

So many parents projecting onto their kids it's unbelievable

Except for she does not actually want it cut!

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 07/02/2018 13:09

Who's projecting on to their kids? My DC can have their hair shaved off or down to their knees. Zero fucks given. DS2's going to the barber's on Saturday to get his hair styled like Kai from Lego Ninjago.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/02/2018 13:10

I've told her if she wants long hair - now is the time
Op is hardly impartial...

RavenLG · 07/02/2018 13:11

So many parents projecting onto their kids it's unbelievable
Yeah like you who would not let a 9 year old have a say into what they want for THEIR hair!

Lush do a wonderful leave in pot called R&B hair conditioner. Smells lovely and really makes a difference. She may go a bit overboard with a pot, but they do a 'Sunny Days' spray too which is a detangler and styler which might help.

Oh, and to the PP who was worried about leave in conditioner "contaminating" pool water. That's what chlorine and filters are for. I'd be more worried about people pissing in them (if I didn't understand what chlorine was anyway)

Original poster
Dollygirl2008 · 07/02/2018 13:12

So many parents projecting onto their kids it's unbelievable

as others have said, she DOESN'T want it cut!! Personally, I don't want it cut too short as I think it's beautiful, but quite frankly, she'd be beautiful with short sky-blue-pink hair as well - her hair doesn't define her, and it's her choice - lets face it, lots of little girls love long hair to style, put hair bands in, grips, flowers etc - now is the time to indulge that part of her life. I'm sure I'll be wrestling with a teenager who wants something totally whacky before too long, and that will bring a different set of challenges!!!

You've given me lots of tips, and thoughts about how we can handle a holiday with her dads family to make it less stressful for all involved!

OP posts:
halfwitpicker · 07/02/2018 13:13

OP obviously has some sort of rapunzel / princess complex. Long hair at that age is totally impractical.

recklessgran · 07/02/2018 13:15

Please don't cut it if your daughter wants to keep her long hair. My mother had my beautiful long hair cut into a "basin" against my will when I was 7. This was because she was fed up of the time it took to dry after washing apparently. I really was traumatised and felt the new cut looked ridiculous - not helped by numerous people asking me what on earth had happened to my lovely hair?

Redpony1 · 07/02/2018 13:20

Kids should be running around carefree and waist length hair is an actual physical barrier to that and causes actual pain trying to sort it out

What utter rubbish!!!

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 07/02/2018 13:21

There is a happy sensible compromise between bum length hair and a basin cut Hmm

It sounds s pain in the arse to me and s nightmare for nits. Personally I think only a very very few people have hair that looks good past shoulder length without extensions etc.

I would persuade her to have it trimmed to shoulder length and let her spend time being a kid.

Mailawaymailawaymailaway · 07/02/2018 13:24

Does everyone on this thread have short hair or something? There seems to be a lack of empathy with a 9-year-old girl who, shock horror, may actually view long hair as being part of her identity. 9 is old enough to have an identity and to express opinions. You don't have to have short hair to be a child. You have to be a child to be a child.

It's important that we let our little girls express views on how they want to look - it means they grow up knowing they have the right to make their own choices and to say no no to people who try to overrule them.

LucilleBluth · 07/02/2018 13:24

I also have a DD with long, thick tangle prone hair. She won't get it cut because people fuss over it, it's wavy and strawberry blonde BUT I am trying to teach her not to put so much worth in what her hair looks like. I don't know why but the fetishising of long hair annoys me (I have longish hair). I want her to know that she a. Would be beautiful without it and b. that there's so much more to her than her hair.

HuskyMcClusky · 07/02/2018 13:25

I think hair that long on a child is impractical and doesn’t look that great anyway.

I’d tell her she had to get it cut to a more practical length. (Not a bowl cut, ffs - just a few inches off.)

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/02/2018 13:26

Hair really shouldn't be part of your "identity" Confused

MuseumOfCurry · 07/02/2018 13:27

Does everyone on this thread have short hair or something? There seems to be a lack of empathy with a 9-year-old girl who, shock horror, may actually view long hair as being part of her identity. 9 is old enough to have an identity and to express opinions. You don't have to have short hair to be a child. You have to be a child to be a child.

I've had long hair my entire life and I'd be lost without it.

Hair below the waist is an entirely different matter.

Original poster
Dollygirl2008 · 07/02/2018 13:29

OP obviously has some sort of rapunzel / princess complex. Long hair at that age is totally impractical.

Possibly the most ridiculous, uninformed comment I've read. If you comment on a thread, please take the time to read the OP's comments first before making an immature statement!!

Thanks
Elsa

OP posts:
specialsubject · 07/02/2018 13:31

she may be able to grow it longer when she is older, you've no idea what her follicles will do.

Hate to say it, but if you send her on holiday with an adult who is insisting that she has it cut I think I can guess what might happen.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 07/02/2018 13:31

😂

Do you want to build a snowman OP? ⛄

RedSkyAtNight · 07/02/2018 13:33

My DD decided to have her hair cut short when she was 9. Struggling to manage it herself (and yes, at 9, they should be able to manage it themselves) was a contributory factor.
Age 12 she is growing it again - it's now half way down her back - the difference is that she is now able to properly care for it without an adult helping all the time.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 07/02/2018 13:36

I think there’s a chance they will cut it on holiday op?

expatinscotland · 07/02/2018 13:48

Dear god, it's HER hair and she doesn't want it cut. Get it plaited for her to go on holiday. My DD2 is 12 and has similar-length hair but it's poker-straight. It's what she likes! She's very active in swimming, track and field and Scouts. I still help her with it at times but I'd never have cut it if she didn't want it cut! My mom did this to me when I was 8 and I still resent it.

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