Another in-law one...

[forfuxache]

Argh! I don't know if I'm being an UR shrew or if I'm justified in being annoyed.

It's DHs birthday today. He's at work. I went out this morning and bought all the ingredients for a lovely three course dinner of his favourite things.

We have a toddler (22 months) and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. So as you can imagine chances for a romantic evening are thin on the ground. However, I'm finally feeling not so exhausted and a bit more chipper and our toddler has been playing ball recently by going to bed promptly by seven. DH will be home for half seven so we'll start to eat by eight. So, my plan is to have dinner, chill out then have an, ahem, early night together - he'll love it.

Inlaws asked DH last weekend if they could come for a cuppa around 8pm on his birthday to give him his card and present. He asked me (as he guessed I might have plans) and I said it wouldn't work, but would he like to invite them for dinner at the weekend instead - I'll cook. Didn't think anymore of it.

Now I've had FIL texting me this afternoon saying DH has told them it's not going to work for them to come today but they only want to come for half an hour? Why can't they? I replied nicely, saying really sorry but I'm cooking a three course meal which we won't start until eight but did DH ask them about the weekend - if so what day suits, what do they fancy to eat etc.

Got a snotty reply back from MIL saying she doesn't understand why they can't just pop in quickly to give DH his card and present, they don't mind if we're eating!

Argh! I replied saying that I was planning a 'bit of a romantic evening' (big enough hint, no?) and she's still not happy. Says she's surprised as she thought we were having a romantic evening next week when they babysit while we go out for dinner. I should add I didn't ask them to babysit. MIL offered when I said I'd got a table at a restaurant we like, and DD will be in bed.

AIBU to be cross? I've been nice, I've I invites them another night and offered to cook for them. Short of saying 'well MIL I might fancy shagging DH on the sofa at some point - I've even shaved my legs y'know - so it's not really appropriate that you're here!! Also we're tired parents - once we've had our fun we'll no doubt want to be asleep by half ten!'

They have no boundaries I swear! I know DH is their son and they love him, but he's 35 years old! Surely they don't HAVE to see him on his actual birthday?!?

No real backstory here, except for MIL doesn't like being told no. Which she isn't very often. Except for the time she wanted to visit a week after DD was born (they day after I got out of hospital after a truly terrible birth and was really quite unwell still) and threw a massive tantrum when we said no, give us a day or two please. Other than that, they are fine.

Is it me??

But GreatDuckCookery they don't want to just drop off a card and present, they planned to sit there and watch them eat!

OP sounds perfectly capable of insisting the visit only lasts for the length of a cup of tea and then politely bringing it to a close and showing in laws to the door.

@greatduck it's the MILs with the problems. They don't like their sons having moved on.

My husband is the most important person (after my children), otherwise why would we be married and live our lives together? He doesn't live with his mother because he prefers me.

I had something very similar happen a few years back. I had made a cake and a romantic three course meal. DD was 6 months old at the time. SIL wanted to come with her family to 'drop off' a present but I knew she wouldn't leave for hours. She only texted DH to let him know and he told me. I politely texted her asking if she wouldn't mind not coming as I had plans. They were invited for the party at the weekend anyway. She never responded to my message and turned up just as we were about to have dinner. I asked her if she hadn't received my message and she said sorry she didn't see my phone. Then left in a huff. Next thing I know, DH gets a call from his parents with them calling me names and how their daughter was heartbroken. Needless to say, the birthday was ruined!

Greatduckcookery. No, my PIL don't normally demand to see my DH on his birthday.

greatduck it's the MILs with the problems. They don't like their sons having moved on.

Or maybe they're sick of their PA DILs?

PA??

Personal assistant or passive aggressive?

The only one treating OP like a personal assistant is the mother in law.

I see no passive aggression other than "we don't mind watching you eat" from the mother in law.

I’m a big girl who doesn’t need to see her m My on her birthday and DP is a big boy!

Mil is another story, she must see DP on HER birthday. One year there was an event the day after that we knew she’d like so we suggested we do that. Oh no that wasn’t on so we went round on the day stayed 10 minutes and left. We work too much to constantly run over there. She missed out on a lovely evening.

they don't mind if we're eating!

they don't mind if we're eating!

they don't mind if we're eating!

Posting this again so PP's understand it's not about dropping a present and leaving. After being told OP os preparing a romantic dinner for her son,that was the MIL's reply!!

After being told by their (oh so fucking precious,couldn't possibly not see him on his birthday) SON he doesn't want them to come on his birthday, then they started questioning and badgering OP. I mean , if their love is so grand,surely the birthday boy's wishes are more important. And he wants a duck and fuck with his wife not mummy dearest.

They'll get to see him anyways at the weekend, and have a meal prepared for them.

I don't need to see my adult son on his birthday. My ExMiL didn't need to see her adult son on his birthday. She would laugh at the idea. She sends cards. Very nice cards they are, too.

Or maybe they're sick of their PA DILs?

Oh do give it a rest!

Please include the whole post and not just the bit that looks dramatic eh TellsEveryoneRealFacts

I know the feeling, OP. My DP turned 36 last year and he and I planned to go out for a meal and several drinks afterwards.

MIL and FIL were invited that weekend for dinner and to stay the night. MIL called 2 days before and our plans had to be postponed because "it would be nice to see him on his actual birthday" said in a passive aggressive tone.

Luckily it worked out though because we went out at the weekend instead and got bladdered had a great time

Enjoy your night!

PILs are shooting themselves in the foot somewhat - as they could actually come over and see their son, if they had enough cop on to realise they should leave when the dinner is served.

Who sits and watches a couple have a couple dinner on one of the couple's birthday?!

It would be very tempting to collude with your husband to play out your romantic evening in front of them, you with a nice outfit, playfully sitting on his knees from time to time, affectionate kisses, innuendo flying, low lighting, mood music, candles and roses on the table...go out of your way to make them get the hint. I think it’s not unreasonable for them to pop by on a birthday - your issue is that they will stay around, so have that romantic evening, you might have a bit of fun...and they might get the hint!

Greatduck can you explain when my son's birthday belongs to him 25, 35 or 55?
I believed it was HIS birthday to celebrate as he chose

Hope you’re having a great evening OP and they didn’t show up.

Is @GreatDuckCookery the MIL in question?

The OPs DH would obviously rather have a romantic night in (i.e. shag) than see his DM. I have never met a man who would prefer to see Mummy than get laid!

It's the MIL's insistence that they stay while OP and DH eat that is weirdly 'passive aggressive'.

Yes, the OP does sound very annoyed by them - I'd be annoyed too, it doesn't mean she doesn't like them overall.

The DH didn't know he was going to get laid InToMyHeart, he consulted his wife to whether his parents could call in with a present and a card, to which the OP said that wouldn't work.

And of course I'm not the MIL. There are some women on MN who actually see things from both sides and not just that of the DIL.

If you give in on this one, mil will never ever concede. She will expect to see her son on his birthday every year. Is the op to never celebrate it just as their smaller closer family? Then she will expect to see the grandchildren on their birthdays too. It will never end. Stand firm Op. Your family now, your rules.

Then she will expect to see the grandchildren on their birthdays too.

That's not exactly unreasonable, is it...?

But it not about sides duck.

This could be any relationship between boss and workers, cahier and customer... Father and brother.

This is about asking for something and kindly being turned down.

Grandma wants to see her grandchildren on their birthday shocker. Controlling and spiteful Tabby.

@GreatDuckCookery just out of interest, how old are yourcown kids?