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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another in-law one...

443 replies

forfuxache · 06/02/2018 15:52

Argh! I don't know if I'm being an UR shrew or if I'm justified in being annoyed.

It's DHs birthday today. He's at work. I went out this morning and bought all the ingredients for a lovely three course dinner of his favourite things.

We have a toddler (22 months) and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. So as you can imagine chances for a romantic evening are thin on the ground. However, I'm finally feeling not so exhausted and a bit more chipper and our toddler has been playing ball recently by going to bed promptly by seven. DH will be home for half seven so we'll start to eat by eight. So, my plan is to have dinner, chill out then have an, ahem, early night together - he'll love it.

Inlaws asked DH last weekend if they could come for a cuppa around 8pm on his birthday to give him his card and present. He asked me (as he guessed I might have plans) and I said it wouldn't work, but would he like to invite them for dinner at the weekend instead - I'll cook. Didn't think anymore of it.

Now I've had FIL texting me this afternoon saying DH has told them it's not going to work for them to come today but they only want to come for half an hour? Why can't they? I replied nicely, saying really sorry but I'm cooking a three course meal which we won't start until eight but did DH ask them about the weekend - if so what day suits, what do they fancy to eat etc.

Got a snotty reply back from MIL saying she doesn't understand why they can't just pop in quickly to give DH his card and present, they don't mind if we're eating!

Argh! I replied saying that I was planning a 'bit of a romantic evening' (big enough hint, no?) and she's still not happy. Says she's surprised as she thought we were having a romantic evening next week when they babysit while we go out for dinner. I should add I didn't ask them to babysit. MIL offered when I said I'd got a table at a restaurant we like, and DD will be in bed.

AIBU to be cross? I've been nice, I've I invites them another night and offered to cook for them. Short of saying 'well MIL I might fancy shagging DH on the sofa at some point - I've even shaved my legs y'know - so it's not really appropriate that you're here!! Also we're tired parents - once we've had our fun we'll no doubt want to be asleep by half ten!'

They have no boundaries I swear! I know DH is their son and they love him, but he's 35 years old! Surely they don't HAVE to see him on his actual birthday?!?

No real backstory here, except for MIL doesn't like being told no. Which she isn't very often. Except for the time she wanted to visit a week after DD was born (they day after I got out of hospital after a truly terrible birth and was really quite unwell still) and threw a massive tantrum when we said no, give us a day or two please. Other than that, they are fine.

Is it me??

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 06/02/2018 19:17

@GreatDuckCookery you're reading quite a lot of things into this. How is OP wanting to shag her husband on his birthday passive aggressive?

Dobbythesockelf · 06/02/2018 19:27

Rebel it's an interesting concept shagging your husband to be passive aggressive towards your in laws. You'd think it would kill the mood somewhat

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 19:27

I’m not referring to the OP waiting to snag her husband on his birthday as being passive aggressive but her tone surrounding her PILs, in particularly her MIL through the thread.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 19:28

Haha need my glasses. Wanting to shag not waiting to snag.

Graphista · 06/02/2018 19:32

I don't think it's the op with an agenda greatduck Smile

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 19:35

Well yes that’s quite obvious. But if you read the OP’s post it’s there to see how much she doesn’t care for them.

Helendee · 06/02/2018 19:35

But if you're with your partner everyday of every week why is it so hard to grant his parent a few minutes on his birthday?

Dermymc · 06/02/2018 19:42

😂 at the needy inlaws on this thread. Get over yourselves.

Husband trumps son every time.

What 35 year old is even bothered about seeing their parents on their birthday?!

Have a cracking duck fuck OP.

Graphista · 06/02/2018 19:45

Yes it's rare to get awkward mil's posting they're usually on gransnet aren't they? Grin

RebelRogue · 06/02/2018 19:45

@Helendee because it's not a few minutes. MIL already stated she's happy to watch them eat.
-and because she wants to get fucked,during or after the duck and PILs visits aren't exactly libido inducing-

Nquartz · 06/02/2018 19:45

Helendee OP made it clear it wouldn't just be a few minutds, they were happy to stay to watch them eat!

Nquartz · 06/02/2018 19:45

Rebel jinx!

billybagpuss · 06/02/2018 19:46

Have a lovely evening x

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 19:48

“ husband trumps son every time “ is it anyone wonder there’s so many mil problems with attitudes like that.

Poppyfields21 · 06/02/2018 19:50

He is their child, but he is also a 35 year old married man with a family of his own. They do NOT need to see him on his birthday, I’m really surprised by all the answers here saying they do. If he was under 18 then of course but this is just weird. I understand wanting to celebrate his birthday with him- on another day, when he hasn’t only got a few hours after work. It is perfectly reasonable to have him to yourself for an evening. Hope you have a lovely evening Wink

DeadButDelicious · 06/02/2018 19:51

Have a good night OP. Grin

girlywhirly · 06/02/2018 19:56

I’m going to be a MIL officially soon, and would totally respect DS and DIL’S wishes if they said it wasn’t convenient to come round. I’d have dropped off or posted the card and present, or waited until the day that was arranged instead. I can’t believe how self centred the PIL are being.

I hope you are having a lovely evening, OP.

SersioulycanitgetWORSE · 06/02/2018 19:56

Her pils dint sound respectful. It's hard ti deal with people who's don't take no for an ansa.

Rattysparklebum · 06/02/2018 20:00

I agree with OP and my mil definitely would have stayed longer than the agreed half an hour, once she stayed so long (10.30pm) despite me saying I needed to go to bed as I had to get up early for work next morning, she then suggested I go to bed and she would just let herself out when ready!

RadioGaGoo · 06/02/2018 20:00

I notice some of the people calling OP unreasonable because parents should see their child on their birthdays are also those berating another OP on a thread about birthday cake because a birthday is just another day and adults shouldbt be expected to be made a fuss of on their birthdays. If thats the case, PIL can see DS on the weekend.

Graphista · 06/02/2018 20:02

Radio - interesting levels of hypocrisy there then

Haffdonga · 06/02/2018 20:03

You sound pretty selfish IMO. They're asking to drop a present off not to join you for your meal or in bed. Hmm I make the effort to visit my parents on their birthdays and they mine and I'm ancient in my fifties.

Why would a 30 minute drop in Here's your present. Happy birthday prevent you from eating a meal and shagging each other senseless for the rest of the night? Hmm

Why on earth does husband trump son? What on earth is this hierarchy and who gets to decide? They are all people who love him and who he loves, who care about him and want to show they care and who he would like to see on his birthday. No trumping necessary, surely.

LindySprint · 06/02/2018 20:10

Because as has been said many times, it wouldn't be a half hour drop off? 'We'll watch you eat' are not relaxing words to hear.

Laiste · 06/02/2018 20:11

They wouldn't only stay 30 minutes. They hang around for ages.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/02/2018 20:11

Radio this isn’t about “ making a fuss “ on someone’s birthday. It’s about dropping off a card and present, you know what like normally happens on one of the family’s birthday.

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