To ask if you had your time again would you have been a SAHM?

[DiscoPanick]

I've NC for this because of obvious reasons concerning linking threads and so forth.

What invariably happens if you take time off from your job/career and what if your H/P leaves you? Times had changed since alimony was granted. These days you'd leave with just the clothes on your back. That is if you didn't have personal savings or wealth.

Even if childcare renders you working at a net loss on a monthly basis, is it worth still having a foot in the door versus not.

The feeling of guilt concerning WOHMs is all well and good but will not ultimately put food on the table. (The feeling of guilt that is)

I'm just working through a few thoughts and need to consult with friends and others to see what others have done.

I’m going back to work when my son is a year old. I don’t need to work we could live comfortably on what my husband earns and own outright without mortgage. However, I worked fucking hard for my degrees and my professional accreditation’s and I’m not about to piss my career away. I’m not naive enough to think it will never happen to me, so I’m backing myself and going back PT. I probably will really struggle to leave my son but I think I’d be letting us both down if I didn’t go back to work in some form, and I want to set an example to my children.

I sah for 17 years during which I did a degree alongside looking after 5 children. Have no regrets at all I loved it. Am now retraining as a health professional and it hasn't been a problem starting over. Would do the same again for sure.

I've never felt guilty as a WOHM, a huge part of parenting is financially providing for a child. I don't subscribe to the old fashioned view that only men work to provide.

For me, it was about more than the salary. It was the work, the security and a back up salary should DH fall ill or be made redundant.

It's worked well, we share everything as a couple and the children see that.

I've seen too many SAHMs be left for a younger model (usually with a career) and they have nothing and with no recent work experience employers don't want to know.

Personally, yes I would be a SAHM again. But if we're talking pragmatism, I would not have chosen the career I did. It wasn't a particularly flexible career and what I needed was flexibility. I tried f/t + baby, p/t + baby, but in the end it was easier and cheaper not to have a formal job.

Anyway, personally I used my time as a SAHM to develop skills and I now run a good business using those skills. So it was great for me. Of course it benefited my husband too, career-wise, there's no question about that. He is the one who takes time off when I need him to but that would not have been possible then.

I don't feel that SAHMdom was a shackle the held me back as a woman (however I do see that on a global/national level there is a problem).

With the exception of maternity leave (I took a year the first time and aim to take a full year this time too), I've always worked. I did work part-time for the first year and a half after I went back with my dd (so until she was 2.5) and I'll probably do that again at the end of my current mat leave (maybe not for so long). But that's been more a matter of just phasing back into work/not killing myself. My work often involves a long commute or travel. With my dd, though I went back part-time, I was commuting to London at least 1 or 2 out of every 3 days I worked each week - leaving the house at 5:45am and not getting home til 6 or 7pm some days. The days were long and exhausting with a young toddler at home, even when my dh tried to do most of the night wakings on those nights.

So I'm glad I took off all the time I did for mat leave and I'm happy I eased back to full-time work slowly, but absolutely would regret not having gone back at all. At times, my salary just covered nursery and there was really no immediate financial advantage to me working. I worked because I love what I do, found it refreshing, and it made me a better parent. Definitely it's had a huge beneficial impact on my career too. I am much more established and much more financially comfortable now because I worked those extra years rather than being at home. But for me, that isn't the reason I did it, it was purely about preserving my sanity and doing what made me happy. I feel like I'm able to be 100% there for my dc when we're together because I have other passions too. I would feel like I was drowning otherwise. So I'm very glad I went back to work, but it's not so much about financial security for me (but I have a happy, healthy marriage, maybe I'd feel differently about the reasons if I were at a different place in life).

I would absolutely do it again - no question. I think DH and I are closer for having more distinct roles in a way. We don't tread in each other's toes and we balance each other out. We don't bicker about the day to day stuff and neither of us feel as overstretched as we would otherwise. He couldn't cope with being at home. I would have really resented anyone else being around for the DC.

I'm in a far stronger financial position having been a SAHM because, in recent years, DH makes more in a single year than I would make in a lifetime. If one parent has the means to secure the DC's school / uni fees / trust funds, it makes sense, as a family, to let them go for it because everyone benefits.

I would not have been a SAHM if I was worried about financial security for myself or the DC however.

*That said, I should add, that though I work full-time (so does my dh), our professional lives afford a lot of flexibility. He's self-employed and I have a career where I have no real set hours as long as deadlines are met and often work from home. So we don't need to rely on anyone for help or wraparound care. One of us is always home to do the school run and we spend a lot of quality time with our dc every day. I think in that sense I am lucky to have the best of both worlds (not to mention a supportive partner who shares the parenting pretty equally).

I was at home twice for 2 years and have worked part-time since I went back after my first two children were born.
I loved being at home with them when they were little. I had to go back to work after the first two to complete my professional training which I am pleased about.i have been lucky to have a lot of options work wise and fantastic childcare but I have always felt that for our family we couldn't both work full time. Obviously that has meant that in our case I have earned a lot less than I might otherwise have done and taken on the main burden of Home.DH has had to work very hard to support us all and missed out on lots of time with the children.
I certainly don't regret time spent with the children. I suppose that I am financially dependent to an extent but now that I only have 1 child at home I work 49 hours for a decent wage and could do more hours.

"I've seen too many SAHMs left for a younger model...."

If your husband is the type to cheat, he's the type to cheat - regardless of the type of job you do / don't have.

Yes absolutely. I loved being a SAHP and my own family benefited enormously from this being a possibility for us.

But I made sure I was financially sorted:

I was paid a "wage" by DH meaning I was able to spend or save as I saw fit.

I insisted that my student loans continued to be paid so that I would never be left with debt.

I insisted that my husband paid a monthly private pension contribution.

I also made sure to preserve my knowledge in the field in which I work. I retrained during evenings and weekends. I volunteered as a director of a charity. All of these meant I have no huge gaps in my cv in terms of utilising my skills and maintaining my knowledge, and also preserved my sanity.

I am very well aware, however, that I have an amazing husband who completely values my contribution to the family but is also aware of my need to develop and grow. I am also very aware of how lucky I am to have been able to afford to do it this way.

If i was to give advice I'd say - make sure you are financially sorted, do something challenging in addition to child care (study, crafting, sports etc), volunteer (even if it just one evening a month).

Absolutely 100percent

I've seen too many SAHMs be left for a younger model (usually with a career) and they have nothing and with no recent work experience employers don't want to know.

Wow your pals are pretty unlucky. How many?

Yes! I didn’t have children for someone else to,
bring them up

Such a narrow minded comment.
By that definition...your children were only brought up by one parent then? Assuming the other parent worked.

I have to say I've heard that comment from SAHM and it annoys me.

When your child goes to school, is the teacher binging them up?

Should also say that after around 10 years of being a SAHP, I walked straight into a job in my previous field.

My children are 5 and seven, I was a stay at home parent when they were young, I now work part time around the school hours. No way was I paying someone else to look after my babies. Iv saw them in high flying careers dropping of their children, some babies at 7 in the morning and picking up at 6 pm. I’m sorry but why have kids?

I've loved raising and getting to know my kids and had I worked I would never have had that time

Has their Father not gotten to know his own children or raised them with you then?

lostmyfecking

I didn't write the post you are commenting on but I would honestly say - no, he doesn't know them as well as I do.

I was a sahm for 6 years and then moved to part time work. I absolutely would do it all over again, it was a great adventure and lots of fun.

"Has their father not gotten to know his own children or raised them with you then?"

Yes he has, of course, but in a different way. He has never done the day-to-day, every day care so he doesn't know what that actually feels like or involves. He has not been the one there when they get in from school who "absorbs" all the school dramas, etc. He has a good relationship with them for sure, just slightly less involved.

I would have liked to work much less but when my ex became an alcoholic I was glad I could afford to look after me and the kids. But ideally i would have been much more discerning about the kind of partner I picked. Very poor judgment meant that I am still looking after the DCs basically alone and working full time. It’s not idea at all.

My children are 12 and 9 Beetle. I started looking for work /volunteering in my field when youngest started school and got a job after 9 months. That was 2013.

I was a SAHM for 9 years & I loved it. I wanted to be at home with my three DC when they were small & was lucky enough to have DH's support to do that.

I went back part time when my youngest was 5 and full time when he started secondary school. It's taken a long time to build up my career again but I have no regrets & I'd do it again.

Has their Father not gotten to know his own children or raised them with you then?

My thoughts too. If a working parent doesnt know their kids...it's because they can't be arsed...not because they have a job.

I'd like my daughters to know...they can be independent without relying on a man and to be self sufficient fully functioning adults.

Staying at home pre school is one thing...but when I see women in tears because "He's leaving me..they've stayed at home for 20+ years....and have no skills...it's pitiful.

I loved being home for them. It drove me ditty some days but overall I enjoyed it.

If I had my time over I'd work p/t just to keep my cv relevant. Really not sure how it would work out though cos Dh worked insane hours/travelled the world for work which was the reason I couldn't go back to work. Not much p/t or job share available where we are unless in the council and those jobs were like hens teeth.

My Dh appreciates what I did/continue to do for him and our family. He openly tells people I funded him through uni and his professional qualifications and that my support allows him to work the way he can to be so successful.

I have got a little seasonal job, we bought a cottage and I let it out to guests and do the changeover day. This allows me to contribute finacially in a small way. We've also renovated several properties. While my old work skill set has become outdated (shorthand typist/pa) I have new skills. My problem is finding time that would allow me to go out to work

Definitely not.

Working has enabled me to put food on the table, to buy a house, to put savings away each month and to build up a pension. It enables DD to pursue her passion for dance and DS to dream about going to university to study science. It enabled me to flee my abusive ex when the abuse became intolerable. It has also enabled me to carve out a child- friendly and flexible career (9.30-2.30 in the office, extra hours once the children are asleep). I haven’t felt a twinge of regret.