To be so disappointed about a birthday cake

[Mrsknackered]

DP has cocked up my birthday every year so far, and last year I had enough (that was the 4th birthday with him and a landmark birthday) and told him that following birthdays, I expect a card from the kids, a cake of some sort and ideally some time spent together.

Last year he bought me a watch. I had pointed out a watch I liked a few months earlier, big plain face and slender leather strap and what I received was a monster of a watch with the face completely encrusted with crystals from an expensive designer. He was so sure I'd love it that I just accepted it and take it off as soon as he goes to work.

This year he paid for me to get some new jeans, we went for dinner last night and it was really lovely. DS did me a card, etc. My actual birthday is today, so we had cake today. Here comes the bratty part. My goodness, the cake was hideous. Bright blue hard icing with a strange white motif on top and a pink icing rose. It was also cake that I dislike, and I've mentioned this so many times in his presence because everyone thinks it's weird that I don't like it.

I'm secretly well its a little obvious a bit peeved and it's not because of the fucking cake, just the fact that he clearly, STILL has absolutely no idea of what I like and/or just doesn't take any notice. He's called me ungrateful, and said I'd be fuming if it was vice versa but I'd never buy him something he's specifically said he doesn't like or that ugly

The colour doesn't effect the taste. YABU

I'll take the spoilt comments on board. I have told him that I wasn't impressed.

I make an effort him every day of the year, whether it's a Christmas present or just washing his uniform.

I don't think it makes me childish, I hold this family together (call me whatever you like for saying that) and I know that I can be unappreciated at times. On a day that is important to me, whether or not it is to him, I feel he should make the effort.

And no, I'm not a child. But, nor is he and he gets a fucking cake and restaurant that he likes.

I don't think YABU. Remembering what cake someone likes isn't hard. You're hardly asking for the Earth. It's obviously not about the cake, it's about the annual reminder that he doesn't pay attention to what you say, and can't be arsed to put the smallest bit of thought into making you feel special for even one single measly day.

I get it op. You clear do a lot for him and try to make him happy but then it gets thrown back by him not even knowing what you like. I am surprised so many posters cannot see the hurt in that. Happy birthday op

You sound like a spoilt brat.

It’s my birthday next week and I won’t be getting anything. Am I bothered? Not really because I’m not a child.

How is g

It was my birthday this last week and for the first time in at least a decade there was a bit of fuss made of me - 4 of my cousins did a little party for me with a little bit of birthday money and a meal and a cake. I loved every second of it - to the point where I was really quite tearful. I got a bit of a day out shopping on my own too as someone else looked after the person I care for for me whilst I got a morning to myself the day before. It was heaven!

Usually people don't remember or if they do remember they don't do anything - including my own mum and brother (brother hasn't even acknowledged it was Christmas yet!)

If you want something in particular - buy it yourself as a gift for you. Maybe even say you've bought it as your gift for yourself if your partner wanted to put some money towards it if he was stuck for a present for you - but you are being a bit unreasonable by essentially saying what has been done isn't good enough for you. If that's the case, do something about it for yourself instead of being openly (you said it was obvious) resentful.

So you actually had a lovely Birthday, but you didn't like your cake?

It wouldn't bother me a great deal, no.

You've posted for views, so YABU.

DH brought me a meringue and strawberry cake one year - I have never eaten either of those things

He ate it all

I brought him a chocolate fudge cake and he moaned he didn't like it shame

How is he in other areas of your relationship?

I’m fairly easy going and would have let this go in the past. Don’t normally do birthdays, but last birthday I suggested to a mate we go out for dinner and it was great.

But as I get older, I’m becoming increasingly like the pp’s who would be disappointed by this .

It’s like, women being socialised into doing all the organising and Wifework because men (intentionally?) fuck things up so they don’t have to do it again.

As I get older, Ive phased out men friends (who I’ve spent ages listening to/supporting/hosting etc) but do things like “forget” to get a drink in for me when they go to the bar.

I presume I’m meant to be all “cool girl” and not make a fuss about things like this because that would be princessy.

Or how lazy male colleagues make big speeches about all the things they’ve done “for my benefit” (normal work duties) whilst expecting me to cover all their shit duties.

Or how someone I’m dating does the whole “oh I’m not sure, you decide” so I get stuck with all the facilitating and organising whilst they can pick and choose what to attend like Lord Muck.

Even worse, the controlling passive aggressive guy who basically doesn’t see me as a human being in my own right so I’ll just “have anything and be grateful” It’s a way of lowering someone’s self esteem, to tell them that their food preferences and aesthetic tastes don’t matter.

Like pp said, if it was a boss or someone high status he wanted to impress or whose feelings mattered to him, would he fuck things up the same way?

Cake is very important to me, so important Dh wouldn't dare get it wrong or he'd end up wearing it!

OP I'm with you, a crap cake is a sad thing indeed.

My DP made me a cake once and it was absolutely diabolical. But I cried when I saw it as he put so much effort into it!
As the saying goes - 'it's the thought that counts'.
Pop into m&s and buy yourself some luxury cupcakes and be done with it.
Happy birthday!

Cake is life, to be fair.

I've recently been diagnosed with coeliacs, so on my last birthday, DH researched and baked me a GF Victoria Sponge (my favourite). He hadn't ever baked before in his life. Best cake I'd ever had.

My DH had a lovely birthday, we had a nice meal, I paid for him to buy new jeans, I made a card with DS etc. but then he had a massive strop because his Birthday cake was the wrong colour. He thinks it's because I don't care what kind of cake he likes. I think he's being ungrateful, frankly. AIBU?

If THIS had posted ^^ I don't believe for one second that everyone would be posting that the OP was out of order.

The DH would be utterly lambasted and told that he's an ungrateful twat and the OP would be told not to bother doing a thing next year, make him make his own bloody cake. etc.

I can't believe some of the replies on this thread.

It wasn't the colour though, was it? It was the fact that he knew OP didn't like that type of cake, yet he bought it anyway.

My goodness, the cake was hideous. Bright blue hard icing with a strange white motif on top and a pink icing rose

The appearance seemed to be the big shocker.

It was also cake that I dislike

Seemed to be secondary to the horror of how the cake looked.

Sorry but you’re being a spoilt brat. Why can’t you be a grown up and decide what you want to do on YOUR birthday and then just, you know, do it?! I mean since you have a child (or children) I’m guessing you’re not in fact seven any more and are capable of being the adult and just working out what exactly it is that you want and then sorting it out yourself. Or perhaps you could stop being an ungrateful cow and just enjoy the fact that they did indeed make an effort?!

For the record this year on my birthday I saw nobody at all all day. My DH was unexpectedly called away to work a week before so any plans we did have went out of the window. But since I’m a grown up I didn’t whine and moan about it, I just had a day doing absolutely nothing and then bought myself a takeaway. Surprisingly the world is in fact still spinning on its axis!

Oh my god - I feel pity for your poor husband

If any of my sons ever get treated like he's being treated, I'd be devastated.

I'd hazard a guess that NOTHING he does would ever be good enough.

I agree with pp - you lost me at "I expect...."

The amount of people that think OP is spoilt,ungrateful and what not is directly proportional with the amount of people that get fuck all attention for their birthdays or have ridiculously low standards.What a coincidence. It's not a race to the bottom !

@Cuban8 teach your sons to be respectful, to care, to listen and to make an effort and they won't be "treated" like that.

Am teaching my sons and daughters to have self respect and not become doormats like OP's poor husband

I'm in your side. It's not the cake. It's about him not caring enough to get it right. Not listening to you.

My husband hates buttercream, I would never buy him a cake covered in buttercream & expect him to be grateful just because I spent 5 minutes buying it. It would be inconsiderate of me to buy him something he doesn't like.

Cuban8 for the win!

RebelRogue

The amount of people that think OP is spoilt,ungrateful and what not is directly proportional with the amount of people that get fuck all attention for their birthdays or have ridiculously low standards
This is a load of rubbish. I have a great husband who is generous and thoughtful. If he presented me with the wrong flavour of birthday cake? I would appreciate him buying a cake, imagine he just forgot my favourite type or had let the kids pick it because they liked the look of it. I would eat the cake and count my blessings to have a loving family celebrate my birthday with me.
The OP sounds like a spoilt princess and I imagine many of those agreeing with her are of the same ilk.

YABU. And you sound about 5. Grow the fuck up.