To be so disappointed about a birthday cake

[Mrsknackered]

DP has cocked up my birthday every year so far, and last year I had enough (that was the 4th birthday with him and a landmark birthday) and told him that following birthdays, I expect a card from the kids, a cake of some sort and ideally some time spent together.

Last year he bought me a watch. I had pointed out a watch I liked a few months earlier, big plain face and slender leather strap and what I received was a monster of a watch with the face completely encrusted with crystals from an expensive designer. He was so sure I'd love it that I just accepted it and take it off as soon as he goes to work.

This year he paid for me to get some new jeans, we went for dinner last night and it was really lovely. DS did me a card, etc. My actual birthday is today, so we had cake today. Here comes the bratty part. My goodness, the cake was hideous. Bright blue hard icing with a strange white motif on top and a pink icing rose. It was also cake that I dislike, and I've mentioned this so many times in his presence because everyone thinks it's weird that I don't like it.

I'm secretly well its a little obvious a bit peeved and it's not because of the fucking cake, just the fact that he clearly, STILL has absolutely no idea of what I like and/or just doesn't take any notice. He's called me ungrateful, and said I'd be fuming if it was vice versa but I'd never buy him something he's specifically said he doesn't like or that ugly

I would have been disappointed too, especially after I had to buy my own birthday present and rearrange my own birthday meal.

And just stop wearing the watch.

I honestly don't know why you just didn't say that in the first place Bertiesgal. Your view is a very good one.

Christmas and birthdays are for kids. In your life, maybe, clearly the OP doesn't share your opinion on this.

Seriously, I can't get my head around adults behaving in such a childish way. Don't you have mortgages and jobs and raising children to worry about?

Honestly, the number of threads on here with grown women feeling sorry for themselves because they're being treated like a normal adult on their birthday.

Christmas and birthdays are for kids. If you want balloons and cake every year then buy a bloody time machine and keep going back to being 4

very funny and very true

Indeed you sound like hard work OP - I feel for your husband and for all the other 'D'Hs who woefully get it wrong. Or maybe I need to raise my expectations, because I never expected my DH to give me a birthday cake - it's never happened in 19 years, and I didn't once feel offended by that . Shame on me!!

"I am not going to be made out to be ridiculous or childish for wanting to enjoy MY special day"

^Sorry, but that does come across as very childlike, to me!

I've had 2 teething twins whinge tagging all day, a 7 year old behaving like she's 17 and a 4 year old who tantrums any time the twins go quiet.

My fuse was shortened but the twins are in bed now so the fog is clearing.

I also thought I was being funny but I guess the OP might not find it funny. I toyed with flux capacitor instead of time machine for extra laughs.

Oh god, I'm so happy the DTs are in bed and they're finally happy (read quiet) .

Above message for radiogooga

@Mrsknackered I get cards from DDs, rarely gifts from OH or DDs and usually spend my birthday doing everyday things like its no other day. or sometimes i get the joy of a day at the (shudder) zoo or bowling!

i understand your issue is the effort being put in and not the colour of the cake etc but i still think you sound entitled. and if it bothers you - do it back to them!

my dh doesnt do arranging of any kind i know that so i book my own birthday meals etc i dont really test himto see if he can do it id rather not end up having a kfc at home

he tried he failed maybe he didnt mean it

I can understand why you are disappointed. It could be he doesn't listen, of could be trying hard and just not judging right.

For my birthday I will often give dh a list of options, so I don't know what he is getting but he knows I will like it. Last birthday we went into Cath Kidston and I picked out about 5 purses I liked, then went to another shop while he chose and purchased. He wouldn't have had a clue which one contained what I wanted.

I will also sometimes say which of the cakes I like and don't in the supermarket. (although sometimes dd picks).

He has just had his birthday. He saw something he wanted after we had got Christmas presents so I suggested I get it for his birthday. Not a surprise but what he wanted. He had a surprise from dd though.

Would something similar work for you?

I actually get what you mean. I’m not fussed about getting loads for my birthday but it would just been nice to get something I like. When DH goes to the shop to get snacks my oldest always starts laughing and says let’s see what things you don’t like that he brings back. Then he is always surprised that I don’t like whatever it is he has chosen - my 8 year old on the other hand can chose something I like no problem. I sound really fussy but I’m not. Example - I hate Turkish delight, have for the 12/13 years we have been together and he’ll bring me home Turkish delight. It hurts a little that he doesn’t listen rAther than being annoyed at missing out on a snack.

Don't you have mortgages and jobs and raising children to worry about?

Yes but it's nice to be spoilt one day a year

Mine on Tuesday - DH asked me to 'buy a cake' while I'm out I refuse to buy my own cake

We went shopping yesterday and saw a few bits for the new bathroom, clock loo. Rush soap dish etc ..... apparently they are my birthday gifts ..... lucky me

Birthday now cancelled as I can't face further disappointment

I can't get my head round adults expecting other people to care about their birthday.

My husband is the same, I find it childish.

YANBU. My ex never bothered to listen to what I liked or wanted and preferred to spend a significant amount more on what he'd have liked or considered I should like. Wasn't just birthdays, it extended even to my engagement ring, when he returned what I'd chosen without speaking to me about it and came back with hideous bling that I never wore. Note that he's an ex. It's horrible to feel so disregarded, wrong and unimportant, and to be made to feel ungrateful on top. No constructive advice but you have my sympathies.

Yeah - LTB - I mean - blue icing???

Its honestly never occurred to me to expect a cake for my birthday, since I was an adult. I and all my friends buy or make cakes to take to work on our birthdays, because we're all grown up now! I think this must be a newish thing, I bet pensioners aren't all getting cross and sulking if they don't get a cake they love, and a special day of treats for their birthday .

Sorry, but that does come across as very childlike, to me

Why? Because you do it differently?

I'm not childish for enjoying a lovely birthday with my very small and precious family, who have chosen heartfelt gifts that they know I will love, a day or evening out somewhere special and a celebration of another year of life.

I'd say that's pretty mature. What's childish is berating others on an internet forum for wanting their loved ones to make an effort for one day of the year that means something to them. Childish and very, very sad.

If my 5yo manages to drag her dad around shops, remember my birthday, plan what to get me in advance and pick some fucking amazing gifts then so can a fully grown man that is supposedly able to listen and remember basic things that his wife likes or doesn't.

Fucking hell the standards are so fucking low.... they are not incapable, they just can't be arsed!

As for being childish because i care about my birthday...it's possible. Never had a real bday,cake or party as a kid... so I'm making up for it now. Deal with it...OH did.

Those who say “I don’t get a cake at all so I would be grateful for any cake”, would you really? So if your partner bought you a cake in a flavour that you hate you would do what? Force down something that you dislike instead of hurting their feelings? Well happy birthday to you!

Happy birthday!

YANBU I bet if he had to book a meal and organise a cake for his boss, who had strong preferences, then he would manage it.

I don't understand why some women are so keen to make excuses for men putting in little effort. You don't need to be pleased that he did the bare minimum.

Although it's easy to see how certain men grow up like this because look at all the posters willing to make excuses rather than acknowledge men are capable of booking a meal and buying an appropriate cake.

Are we all meant to be grateful because a man makes any effort at all - seriously?!?

I'd be more like I DON'T LIKE CHOCOLATE CAKE - I HAVE NEVER LIKED CHOCOLATE CAKE! DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME YOU USELESS SHIT?!?!!

I'm going to need a picture of this blue icing monstrosity to make a decision

This isn't a man versus woman thing. I'm crap at DH's birthday too. To turn this into a battle of the sexes isn't fair.

I'm crap at DH's birthday and it's got fuck all to do with misandry. Some of us are just not that into birthdays.

To the person who called me a cockwomble-my first mumsnet insult. Chuffed it was such s good one-you made my night .

Hope you're night is as much fun .

God there’s some miserable arseholes on here. I’m glad I don’t live in a household where you stop celebrating once you start school.

My dh has been able to buy cake, decent presents etc since I’ve known him because he’s not a selfish arsehole who sees demonstrating you care about people in different ways as women’s work. I’m sure all these men incapable of acknowledging someone else’s birthday or Xmas or whatever get plenty of thoughtful stuff for themselves.

So many accept such low standards for men.