To be so disappointed about a birthday cake

[Mrsknackered]

DP has cocked up my birthday every year so far, and last year I had enough (that was the 4th birthday with him and a landmark birthday) and told him that following birthdays, I expect a card from the kids, a cake of some sort and ideally some time spent together.

Last year he bought me a watch. I had pointed out a watch I liked a few months earlier, big plain face and slender leather strap and what I received was a monster of a watch with the face completely encrusted with crystals from an expensive designer. He was so sure I'd love it that I just accepted it and take it off as soon as he goes to work.

This year he paid for me to get some new jeans, we went for dinner last night and it was really lovely. DS did me a card, etc. My actual birthday is today, so we had cake today. Here comes the bratty part. My goodness, the cake was hideous. Bright blue hard icing with a strange white motif on top and a pink icing rose. It was also cake that I dislike, and I've mentioned this so many times in his presence because everyone thinks it's weird that I don't like it.

I'm secretly well its a little obvious a bit peeved and it's not because of the fucking cake, just the fact that he clearly, STILL has absolutely no idea of what I like and/or just doesn't take any notice. He's called me ungrateful, and said I'd be fuming if it was vice versa but I'd never buy him something he's specifically said he doesn't like or that ugly

Was you landmark birthday your 7th???

No?? well then I guess YABVVU

So women should have no expectation whatsoever that their ADULT partners remember anything at all about their likes, dislikes, preferences, or even expect anything at all from them, is what I'm getting from some of these horrendously spiteful remarks.

You're a MIL from hell in the making

This is a totally sane response to someone frustrated at their thoughtless partner

I am with you op. It is the lack of effort that annoys me. I have had an ok I for a theatre trip. Lovely but I behave to than book it. Ditto spa day. But the best one was a big birthday where he suggested a big get together with family. Lovely but guess who had the stress of arranging it.

I wondered how long it would be before the weird Mumsnet "you are an adult so therefore shouldn't make a fuss about birthdays" brigade came along.

I LOVE birthdays. They are a really big deal in my family. I am not going to be made out to be ridiculous or childish for wanting to enjoy MY special day.

You get what you settle for. So don't.

Ask him why he bought a cake you don't like.
He must have had some reason ( reduced aisle?). If it's a good reason ie chosen by the kids than maybe. Otherwise his birthday is down the tubes. And you do your birthday with your friends next year and every other year.

IOU

If you don't tell him he keeps fucking op how's he ever going to learn?

I think the sooner you can accept that the only way to guarantee that you will get what you want for your birthday is to get it yourself, the happier you will be OP!

Some people have very specific requirements, ie they don't just want "a watch" they want "a watch that looks just like the one I pointed out a couple of months ago" (and woe betide the giver if they don't remember it!).

You are clearly one of those people! I suggest that you adopt a "strictly no presents" policy for birthdays and Christmas. That way, you know you will get exactly the things you want and won't have the embarrassment of receiving a gift that is along the right lines, but not quite right.

Some people on here have such low standards for a partner. They clearly don't expect their partner to listen or pay attention to anything and are grateful if they even remember their birthday or anything else.

I'm with you OP. After a number of years with someone, I wouldn't think it was too much to ask for them to remember what cake I like, or how I take my coffee, what kind of restaurant I would enjoy going to or the many other small things that actually do matter. The watch would be annoying, but not everyone is good at buying presents (or taking hints!!), however, a cake and a meal out, which their partner will enjoy, shouldn't be beyond anyone's capabilities.

I would be unimpressed, tbh, if after talking about my birthday:
-- I was told to buy my own present
--I had to sort out reservations because he'd messed up on babysitter and reservation time
--He ordered a cake he should know I would hate flavour-wise.
(If my DH ordered me a carrot cake, cheesecake or a fruit cake, I would feel the same way; he knows I hate them and won't touch them.)

Sounds rather rubbish. I would be disappointed and sad he couldn't make the slightest effort.

YANBU......for a 4 year old.

Seriously, I can't get my head around adults behaving in such a childish way. Don't you have mortgages and jobs and raising children to worry about?

Honestly, the number of threads on here with grown women feeling sorry for themselves because they're being treated like a normal adult on their birthday.

Christmas and birthdays are for kids. If you want balloons and cake every year then buy a bloody time machine and keep going back to being 4.

Christmas and birthdays are for kids

Ah, I didn't realise I miraculously stopped having birthdays when I became an adult.

How about you jog on with your nasty, ridiculous opinions and let people live their lives how they want to.

Not being a sad, miserable, bitter adult has nothing to do with being "grown".

Absolute cockwomble.

God people are being mean. I think it's really thoughtless if someone who shares your life can't be bothered to make a few small gestures to make you happy and can't remember that you don't like a particular thing.

We make such an over the top fuss of birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas - most of Mumsnet would have a fit.

A birthday is just another day really. Think about the things he does for you on normal days / maybe he just isn’t an occasion person?

Celebrating being alive for another year is not childish. It's being grateful. And to be honest your nearest and dearest should be grateful too. One year you won't be around anymore.....

"Here comes the bratty part" no OP your whole post is bratty.

Bertiesgal. Are you always miserable?

Are you 12? If not, YABVU and a spoilt brat.

when did we become so fucking nasty?

BrimFire totally agrees. I know of someone who was told they have months at best to live, a week after Christmas. They hadn’t a clue, certainly didn’t know that was to be their last Xmas and very unlikely to see another birthday. I’m not big on birthdays myself but non harm in wanting to be shown you matter at least one day a year.

It's not ingratitude though, is it? It's a symptom of a relationship in which the woman listens, takes on board a man's likes and dislikes, tries her best to make sure his life runs smoothly, and isn't accorded the same decency.

You don't sound like a child or spolit OP. It's just fashionable on MN to sound as rude and scathing as possible to people who actually enjoy holidays and birthdays.

Actually not miserable at all. Happy and grateful to be alive. Just find the constant fault picking quite sad really.

If you want to celebrate life once a year that's your choice but being constantly disappointed with everyone's efforts is the definition of miserable.

My husband is wonderful in lots of ways but he's hopeless at birthdays. I'd rather have him as his wonderful self than make sweeping gestures once a year. Just lucky it's not a big deal to me I guess.

Sorry, I come across as miserable, genuinely not