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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

277 replies

LondonHerbivore32 · 04/02/2018 11:22

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Raindancer411 · 05/02/2018 17:55

Putting portion and human sizes aside, the waitress should just take an order and not cut it short. She is stopping you spending money in there that pays her wage. I would contact the manager personally

Beezley · 05/02/2018 17:58

As you are paying it shouldn't matter what or how much you order. The waitress shouldn't have passed comment

PoisonousSmurf · 05/02/2018 17:58

Nothing to do with being fat or thin. You don't order everything at the start. It's like someone going to a buffet and loading up their plate so high that it's going to fall off.
Little bits and often is the civilized way, lol!

missbloomsbury · 05/02/2018 18:09

EastMids

I love you!😍 Absolutely spot on. Some of my best friends are vegan, but I wouldn’t do tapas or dim sum with any of them - destroys the joy of the meal

Awhoosh · 05/02/2018 18:12

People can order all the tapas at the start of they want! It's fair enough for waiters to give advice on how much food to order; I've had that in other places too. But they should do it politely. The fact that you'd been there before and knew the portion sizes and ate ALL THE FOOD shows that you knew exactly what you were doing. She could have given polite advice and you could then politely say yes, we do want that. Don't blame you for being upset OP.

LemonysSnicket · 05/02/2018 18:19

How very strange! A waitress would surely never act that way?

rachaelclaire1 · 05/02/2018 18:21

It was not her place to give any opinion you never asked her. Very rude - I would have complained to management.

Ellyess · 05/02/2018 18:42

Hi Londonherbivore I'm sorry you went through this, it is obvious to me that even if the Waitress was meant to advise customers on how much they might find adequate, she was distinctly rude to you. Emphatically saying "enough" and giving a disgusted look is unforgivable. It's all very well for me to say this from a distance, but I'd like to think I might have coldly ignored her, stood up and gone to ask for the Manager. Trouble is, I might have thought of this too late! Never the less she needed a complaint made about her. This Waitress has serious attitude problems and no people skills. It's hard to tell if she was being rude about your size which sounds in proportion to your height anyway. As I've grown older and become disabled I've put on weight and have occasionally had a nasty remark from younger women but I think people are less kind and more rude these days. It's a shame your meal with your friend was spoiled like this. Never hesitate to complain to the Manager, if the staff are rude to you or the service poor. I find talking to Management carries weight when you sound as if you are management yourself, never swear or shout, be lady-like and come over as someone who is in a very superior position in your job with lots of qualifications. They should at least have deducted something from your bill. Good luck in the future!

EC22 · 05/02/2018 18:44

This happened to my sister and I. We ordered the recommended tapas but then couldn’t manage our paella and were told when we asked to take it away that we “shouldn’t have had so many starter” cheeky bastard. We still laugh about it though.

Cardiganqueen71 · 05/02/2018 18:46

Completely right. You don’t order loads of dishes in a tapas restaurant without letting them know first that you are eating separate food. It’s probably not the best place to go if the two of you are ordering separate food. And yes you are being over sensitive.

bigmummydragon · 05/02/2018 18:50

Threads like this give me the rage! Op the waitress probably didn’t even register your dress size let alone give the teensiest flying f**k. How you angry lot get through the day I really don’t know. Mumsnet bloody madness.

Moanaohnana · 05/02/2018 18:59

Do you think you're the first overweight person the waitress has seen in the restaurant? Grin

Come on, OP. It had nothing to do with your weight and everything to do with the fact that to someone not well versed in what vegans choose to eat or not eat it seemed like you had ordered a vast quantity of food. I still think you had.

shoesarefab · 05/02/2018 19:00

My husband and I always get pulled up by wait staff for over ordering, tapas/ sushi/Turkish meze etc I’m very slim (hollow legs!), I wouldn’t read to much into it

Insomniac00 · 05/02/2018 19:01

If you couldn’t eat egg in your friends salad dressing, as a waitress I would offer the dressing to come on the side, or offer another dressing to save you ordering two salads and also make you aware that there might be egg in the bread you ordered Incase you weren’t aware!
Was your friend aware you couldn’t eat all the food she ordered? I think the waitress was only trying to be helpful to save you over ordering. I’ve over ordered Tapas before and told we wouldn’t need that amount and I wasn’t fat. You can always order more as you go. Sounds more like you have the issue here?

JanetStWalker · 05/02/2018 19:02

I'm so fucking bored of hearing about so called 'privilege' and 'shaming'. Can you please latch onto different social media generated, meaningless buzzwords in 2018 please.

Thank you.

MrsDilber · 05/02/2018 19:05

The cheek! None of her bloody business, don't care if you're enormous (which you are not).

I was on holiday, on my own, for a few days, I went to a well known supermarket and bought all the lovely things I like to eat, not having to worry about DH, DC, or anybody for a few days. After he'd rung up my goodies (basically a basket of junk food), the man at the till said, and I quote, "excellent choices, can I compliment you on a superb basket of food, my lady."

I was not sure if he was being sarky or not. It was then that I realised, we are judged on our shopping orders. I'd love to hear what, completely honest, till operators think. Do you judge?

Racheyg · 05/02/2018 19:05

Wow reading this has made me hungry.

I think she sounded tactless, she could have advised you in a better manner.

PancakeInMaBelly · 05/02/2018 19:07

Some tapas places are "tasters" and you can easily eat 15 dishes between two. Others they are substantial sharing dishes and 4 is too much. I expect to be led by the waiting staff. Most people would. This was never about your weight OP.

wakemeupbefore · 05/02/2018 19:08

nofunkin......, is English your first language, pray tell...

....if english was not her first language I could, maybe think it was a mis understanding. im a chubber and want to stab ( thin) (exercise fanatics) who tell me to eat less and exercise when I bitch about my size...

[this place needs an eye-roll 'smiley']

user1476641978 · 05/02/2018 19:10

I’ve been a waitress myself and it’s really not the wait persons job to make remarks like that about what your order. My cousin (who is thin) is a chef will always order several different meals because she wants to try everything out of curiosity! Honestly who cares! Surely the more they sell the better. She was rude but then I was always told it’s rude to comment on people’s food!

Mrspenfold123 · 05/02/2018 19:11

Are you sensitive about your weight, and you therefore decided you were being fat-shamed?
Otherwise why would you give a flying fuck what some waitress said instead of just laughing it off?

Aridane · 05/02/2018 19:16

Bloody hell, who pissed on expat’s —tapas— chips Grin?,
!

hotmumma69 · 05/02/2018 19:17

shes a bitch

Attitude84 · 05/02/2018 19:22

Should’ve told her to mind her own business. Hope you didn’t tip the rude bitch!

wakemeupbefore · 05/02/2018 19:24

Janet..., you put it better than I could

'....I'm so fucking bored of hearing about so called 'privilege' and 'shaming'. Can you please latch onto different social media generated, meaningless buzzwords in 2018 please. ..'

[bravo]

hotmumma.... aren't you an eloquent ray of sunshine.Hmm