AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

[LondonHerbivore32]

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

I always ask 'does it sound like we'll get through that' at tapas and meze restaurants. Usually they are helpful and advise accordingly.

Maire.. - you apply logic and common sense and aren't out to be 'fat-shamed' or similar at all costs.

I went to a chinese restaurant in Soho, London, about 12 years ago, it was (and might still be) known for its rude waiters but I didn't know that at the time.

To be fair to the waiter, it was lunchtime, but we ordered something like two mains, two rices and 1 or 2 sides and a drink each. The waiter looked at our physiques (both 14-16 sizes) and said (klaxon please):

"Do you two eat like this every day?" in a very fed up sounding voice.

It was so rude I found it funny But the waiter obviously didn't get a tip.

Two rice each!?!

I also sang “I went to a Chinese restaurant and this is what I said” in my head but I don’t know the rest. I have no idea if it comes out nonsensical or racist after that...

Or was it to buy a loaf of bread?

Oh no wait, it was something about being Elvis and drinking Pepsi

Why not explain you were having it as a main meal and not a starter?

Had I been the waitress, my reaction to "we're not sharing because I'm a vegan" would be to wonder why you couldn't at least share some of the vegan dishes...

Indeed, usually they count the number of dishes you ordered for the number of persons in your party, as they presume you will be sharing everything. We tend to ask how many different dishes they recommend.

I'm just thinking these waiters/ waitresses haven't been to business school if they are trying to encourage us to order fewer dishes.

"It sounds like the waitress had something going on and it nothing to do with you." EVERY time there's a thread about poor customer service someone trots out that the person PAID TO PROVIDE good customer service "might have been having a bad day" I've done lots of different "customer facing" roles inc waitressing (6 years full time probably over 20 part time/casually), complaints handling and nursing and been on the receiving end of not only irate customers but outright abuse!

There is NEVER an excuse for poor customer service. You slap on a smile and get on with it!

Op that is disgusting treatment you had please complain initially to the restaurant manager and depending on their response consider leaving a poor public review. I too sincerely hope neither you nor your friend left a tip.

I'd have complained at the time and requested another member of wait staff.

None of her business

WHAT you order
How MUCH you order
Your WEIGHT
Your dietary CHOICES

As for pp now telling you what you should have ordered wtf! None of your business. Why should op's friend not be able to order the dishes THEY want to eat because the op is vegan?

EastMids - being vegetarian or vegan is NOT impacting on you so why the bashing? The back pedalling is not an excuse either. You sound deeply intolerant of other people's life choices! NO it is NOT "fussy eating" 😡 I feel very sorry for your relatives with in some cases MEDICAL requirements for special diets - somehow I don't think it's THEM sucking the joy out of meals out 🤔

Sad to see others jump on the vegan bashing wagon too.

"I think the question nobody has asked (including OP) is why did the friend order so much non-vegan friendly food? When she knew she was at a tapas restaurant with a vegan?!" I'm guessing because THAT is what she WANTED to eat and she's an adult and is paying for it - her choice.

"I think I would of been incline to say I’m paying for it so I’ll have as many dishes as I like thank you very much, now just take the fucking" precisely!

Op has said none of the food was wasted, that she's a regular of this restaurant and was already familiar with the portion sizes. So I REALLY don't understand what certain pps problem is!

In terms of thin/fat shaming I've experienced both (was very slim until dd now size 18) and dd is very slim and she's had some spectacularly rude comments made. Dd like me at that age (almost 17) has always been very slim - I've even had complete strangers accuse me of starving/neglecting her, that I should get her to a dr quick smart (for the anorexia she clearly has - not!)

I think we put up with crap customer service in this country FAR too often.

Bloody cheek. Hope you didn't tip.

As a cafe owner/waitress/customer i it is absolutely nobodies business to comment on what your order unless you have asked for advice. She was being rude & bad at her job.

Janet, don't forget about 'entitled' (contemp speak for 'spoilt', just as 'problems' have become 'issues'...).

I've had that in tapas restaurants (size 10) but her attitude was poor. Perhaps you would be happier at a smaller weight? It would be easier for things to wash off you then. 16-18 is unhealthy.

Not fat shaming.

I think she was (possibly poorly) pointing out that you'd ordered a lot of food, more than you could reasonably eat.

As a waitress, it always irked me to see people ordering mountains of food, knowing that there was no feasible way for them to eat it all, and knowing that it would have to be thrown out. It's wasteful.

1. OP didn't order too much food: she knows the restaurant and its portions, ordered what she and friend wanted and they ate it all!

1. PPs suggesting the OP ordered too much / ordered incorrectly for a tapas restaurant / shouldn't have eaten there if she didn't want to share dishes etc are just bloody rude. It's none of your business! OP and her friend wanted to eat that food, went to a place they like and ordered then paid. This is a perfectly normal way to behave.

1. If the waitress was being helpful (I agree that it sometimes happens that wait staff give guidance on ordering), that is fine up to the point when she first told them that they had probably chosen enough for what people usually consider a meal. After that, ignoring the customer's wishes and continuing to make judgements about the size of their order is plain rude. No idea if it was fat shaming but it was definitely rude and unprofessional.

The sheer number of posters who are 'shocked' over mundane stuff is staggering

Well, the Daily Heil have got to get their daily dose of pearl-clutching from somewhere.

You misunderstand. It’s the nature of tapas that you all share from a variety of small plates of food. Anyone who won’t share spoils the whole social arrangement.
Unless of course people ageee not to share beforehand, and very happy not to share, and really enjoy their private social arrangement.

It has happened to us (me and husband) that when we ordered different sides with our meal the waiter pointed out that some of those were quite generous, so one for two would suffice. We always thanked for that sound advice, never felt humiliated. We are both "regular", not fat but not thin either.

Maybe she knows the portions are a good size

Maybe OP - who eats there regularly enough to know that the vegetable portions tend to be small - knows what size the portions are and orders to suit.

I remember!

I went to a Chinese restaurant to buy a loaf of bread, bread, bread
They wrapped it up in a five pound note and this is what they said, said, said...

My name is Elvis Presley
Girls are sexy (imagine if Elvis were alive during Me Too)
Sitting in the back seat
Drinking Pepsi
Had a baby
Named it Daisy
Rum tiddley um tum
Brown bread!

Uh huh, thank you very much...

Shouldv told her that was just your starter!

I wonder why you didn't ask the waitress straight out why she reacted the way she did. That way you could've reacted appropriately. You would've spared yourself anguish and unhappiness, and the waitress a bad reputation.

more than you could reasonably eat

Given that OP and friend ate it, you seem to be saying that they eat an unreasonable amount. Still, I suppose that's par for the course on Mumsnet.

Not acceptable but in a same time sounds like just like another snowflake. If you or your friend didnt confront her then... to take it to internet and just moan would change anything? just get on with your life and enjoy your food.