AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

[LondonHerbivore32]

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

'But it’s all a bit joyless shlepping stuff home in a doggie bag, isn’t it? '

It's, erm, carrying your leftover food back to your house rather than wasting it.

'How about just ordering what you want? There’s no need to reinvent Spanish tapas culture. They’ve worked it out to be a really nice experience. They’re pretty civilised, the Spanish.'

No one is. You order what you want, then if you don't finish it all, you have the option of either leaving it on your plate to be thrown out or you take it home with you. It's a perfectly pleasant experience, you go to a restaurant, you order whatever the hell you fancy eating, you either leave what you don't want on the table for the staff to dispose of it or you instruct them to bring you a container so you can take the leftovers home, you then pay for the food and service.

i dont think people rtft

op said they ate the lot shes been ther before she knows the portion sizes

once she said she wa vegan the waitress shold have justg said ok thats fine not carried on about youve got enough

I live a doggy Bag, me!

Thanks Gabs, I did wonder if people had rtft as well.

I go there often, usually order in the same way with a carnist friend and it’s never been an issue. The food is amazing and the vegan options are plentiful, that’s what I keep going back. But the portions are very, very small.

Plus, it’s a place where people tend to order all their tapas in one go, as it’s well used by people going to the theatre, who don’t have time to order a couple of dishes, then order more and then order a few more again.

It’s always been such a lovely, friendly, stand alone restaurant, that it’s been a pleasure to go there to support it, against all the chain tapas places out there. But after what happened, I’m no longer so sure, as the attitude of the waitress was so obviously awful.

Come on, Herbivore. Snapshot the portions next time you go & post pics here.

Why do I need to justify the portion sizes to you lljkk? Can’t you just trust me that they’re small?

But if you must know, for example - a portion of fried aubergine there is 3 slices of aubergine. My friend got 4 large prawns for her prawn dish. The bread rolls, at 1 per person are 1/2 the size of a fist. A portion of wilted spinach is about the size of a fist. The portion size for the salads are what you would fit on a small side plate.

You don't have to justify anything...although starting a thread in AIBU suggests you wanted to justify something.

If any of those are doused in lots of fat then they wouldn't be small portions at all, not in terms of calories, I mean.

I hate to see food left uneaten in restaurants; seems like the average person leaves at least 1/2 their order behind uneaten. I'd be glad a waitress was trying to persuade customers not to over-order.

You order what you want, then if you don't finish it all, you have the option of either leaving it on your plate to be thrown out or you take it home with you.

But it’s tapas. You order ‘little and often’ i.e. when you want it. It comes on little plates. It’s not the ‘huge portion’ American model.

And why would I want carry around the odd cold prawn or meatball in my handbag for the rest of the day?

Op I think you were possibly fat shamed and In your position I would have ordered a couple of extra dishes of deep fried whatever and called her out on it nicely. If english was not her first language I could, maybe think it was a mis understanding. im a chubber and want to stab ( thin) (exercise fanatics) who tell me to eat less and exercise when I bitch about my size. I hope you were not fat shamed and she was just concerned you were over ordering as tapas places in my experience do advice and I have taken it the wrong way myself.

Slate the bitch on trip advisor ! Poor behaviour

You seem a little touchy OP.......

'But it’s tapas. You order ‘little and often’ i.e. when you want it. It comes on little plates. It’s not the ‘huge portion’ American model.

And why would I want carry around the odd cold prawn or meatball in my handbag for the rest of the day?'

Then don't. There's the option of leaving it on the plate for the staff to dispose of.

If it's a nice independent restaurant and you a a regular customer, Id have a word with the manager. Skating them on Trip Advisor may well lead to quite a bit of lost business when thecwaitress may just have been new and a bit surly. Could be sorted out with a sharp word. Did your friend think her attitude was off?

I really don’t think you were fat shamed. Size 16-18 is so common place now that I don’t even notice it as being all that big, and I think that’s the same of the general population.

How many times have you read on these boards that it’s ‘normal’ when really what’s meant is it’s ‘common’ to be a size 16? Even on here the majority of people are saying that a size 16 is average.

I think this is more about your own body image issues and you are projecting.

Also, who’s to say she wasn’t vegan-shaming you?

the tapas we went to last week was an all you can eat, but you could only order 3 dishes at first then 2 a time after that, so was there a restriction on number of dishes at the op restauant?

I think your being over sensitive

I wonder whether English wasn’t her first language and she was just expressing herself clumsily? Perhaps she was trying to explain that you’d ordered a lot of food between 2. I can understand how you would feel embarrassed however

Heavens, what a fuss over nothing. She was almost certainly trying to prevent you from what she saw as over-ordering. I think you’re being rather self-absorbed to take if as anything else.

None of her business - it’s not her job to give image consultancy advice unless you specifically asked her opinion. It’s not as if she invited you for supper at her house and you surprised her with the revelation at the last minute that you are vegan. I am 5’10” and size 8 plus vegetarian. Much easier to maintain my weight without under eating, being vegetarian and not vegan, in combination with regular exercise

She was probably trying to save you money. My husband and I went to a tapas bar (for the first time) just before Christmas. When the waiter arrived initially I order what I thought was a main meal and my husband did the same, the waiter then explained how it worked and said he'd come back when we'd had chance to have another look. When he came back we ordered 8 dishes....the waiter said 'you may have ordered too much there!'. We said we'd still go with the order (I quite fancied everything on the menu). 8 dishes later we did both feel completely stuffed but it was bloody lovely...and it didn't stop us ordering a massive sharing dessert lol. We are both 'thin' too (not that that makes any difference) and he still raised an eyebrow and said he thought we'd ordered too much. I think they are just trying to be helpful incase people, like me, have no idea of the concept lol.

In my experience tapas restaurants always say when they think it's enough but are usually nice about it. Nobody knows how much is 'right do they? Or maybe my friends and I are just clueless.

Your mistake I think was to explain, don't., just say "ok...fried Aubergines as well thanks". (slight pause important) If she persists say "right" with a blank face. The beautiful thing about the "ok" is you can just keep doing it. If she's really irritating you can say "shall we check you got it all down right" smile.

Let's not forget who's paying here.

She may have thought you were ordering more than you would be able to eat, but she didn't need to be unpleasant about it. I've never heard the phrase 'thin priviledge' before, but it's a real thing for sure. People are incredibly judgy about what fat people eat.

I don't think any of this took place.

Bloody rude waitress would not get a tip from me! And I'd email her boss to ask them to give her some training.