AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

[LondonHerbivore32]

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

And if you had ordered too much we'd have "AIBU to think that the waitress should have explined ..... We spent £££££ on food that we couldn't eat?"

Replies "YANBU - it is the waitresses job to explain - write a bad review, complain to the management"

Anyway did you both eat it all?

YOu can use buter to make bread, but you can also use oil, and I imagine that in a tapas place, they would have been more likely to use oil.

I've never made bread with dairy in either.

I don't think people are telling the OP how she should be eating tapas, people are just saying how it usually works.

OP, I really think you're reading too much into this.

You can also use milk to make bread.

op can order as much as she likes unless she asked for advice they shouldnt give it

id email the manager if you want it to go further op-ignore the oh u dont know what tapas is brigade your clearly stated u been before so know whats what

She was out of order, whether she did it deliberately or not. I'd write to the manager.

In our local Indian, the staff will often say something if they think we've over ordered.

It's easy to have eyes bigger then your stomach when you're hungry - perhaps she was trying to help.

I don't buy into this 'fat shaming' business. She probably didn't register your sizes.

What do you reckon?

I reckon you are looking for offence when none was intended.

We did actually eat everything, every scrap. The portions at the place in question aren’t that big.

You misunderstand. It’s the nature of tapas that you all share from a variety of small plates of food. Anyone who won’t share spoils the whole social arrangement. It’s just not appropriate way to be a fussy eater in that social setting.

Thanks for mansplaining tapas.

And the OP isn't fussy.

well, I think it is entirely possible she was fat shaming, it happens a lot!

When I was overweight, I couldn't even drink a Diet Coke without some idiot commenting "I have never seen a thin person drink Diet Coke", if I'd had a normal soda it would have been something about how much sugar is in there, can't win really if you are fat...

I love tapas but unfortunately am from the Smithy school of food ordering

But the OP isn’t fat. She’s in a normal weight range.

As a vegan, she is a fussy eater, though. You can say it’s for perfectly good reasons, but she is fussy about what’s in her food.

Thanks for mansplaining tapas.

Doesn’t that have to be done by a man?

And if someone clearly doesn’t understand the cultural basis of tapas, by buying plates to eat herself, when does ‘explaining’ become ‘man’s/womansplaining’?

I wouldn’t describe a 20+ year ethical calling to do as little harm as possible to our fellow earthlings being ‘fussy’.

It’s beginning to sound like you really have something against vegans East Mids.....

I doubt that the waitress gives a fuck about your BMI.
She is much more likely to be thinking that she won't physically be able to place so much dishes on your table, or that the hot dishes will go cold if you order so many at once. It is normal to order little and often at a tapas restaurant.
I am approximately your size btw and wouldn't have taken it personally.

So you’re also saying that only people with the same dietary needs should go for tapas together? Because you ‘have to’ share? We shared the potatoes and bread. It’s just that our dietary preferences didn’t match after those dishes....

God forbid you ever have a friend with celiac disease or other medically necessary food requirements.

Some definitions of fussy from Collins:

Showing or needing careful attention

Very particular about detail

How is an ethical vegan diet not fussy? You need to pay great attention to the details of what’s in your food.

God forbid you ever have a friend with celiac disease or other medically necessary food requirements.

I have coeliac, vegetarian, gluten-intolerant and pescatarian relatives and the times we’ve been to tapas or other sharing restaurants are the worst meals out for all of us.

No-one gets a balanced selection of food because the fussy ones can only eat their special plates and any normal eaters get stuck with plates of, say, just meat because no-one else will share with them.

Go to a regular restaurant and everyone can order a full dish that suits them.

FFS. What about coeliacs? They need a special diet too. Are they 'fussy'? Lactose intolerant? 'Fussiness' personified there. And don't mention 'nut allergies' - that's pure attention-seeking

A food premises is there to serve the customers, that's the reason they are there. If a customer says that they eat a certain diet then that's adhered to. If not, then the business deserves to fail.

Thin privilege. If you’re thin you won’t be judged no matter how much
you eat

That's just not true, I get comments all the time like "You eat like a mouse" or a "Toddler" or "Where do you put it all?" "I've never seen any one eat so much yet be so small"

It depends if I'm having a hungry day or can't be bothered with food day.

OP, I don't know if she fat shamed you or not, she may have been scared to ask the second table with the large order after your reaction to her.
One thing I do know though is even thinking about it plays straight in to her hands if she is a fat shamer.

x-posted with you, EastMids but why can't a group of two order 3 or 4 separate dishes EACH (so as to fit the table) and then order more if they want to?

Is there a new Tapas Law that has come in?

Fussy doesn’t mean attention-seeking. It means fussy.

I don’t think she was fat shaming. She was (clumsily) advising you that you had ordered enough. I know that tapas staff have done that to me in the past (I appreciate their guidance)