AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

[LondonHerbivore32]

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

Stop being so touchy. The waitress was being helpful. Tapas portions can vary quite a bit in different places. She didn't want you to order too much and waste food. YABU. Nothing to do with how fat or thin you are.

If the waitress thought they had already ordered too much food, she should have turned to the friend and suggested she took some of the meat dishes off her order. They were the dishes that couldn't be shared, not the OP's. I have vegetarian and vegan friends and I always eat vegetarian food when I'm out with them. I know it's my choice but she could easily have had a salad without egg, or got rid of a meat dish and still had plenty. If the waitress was rude and you are a regular customer, Id email the manager about her attitude. She may have been concerned about food waste, and it must be highly irritating to see food that has taken so long to prepare just being chucked in the bin because people have ordered too much, whether or not they are paying for it. She dealt with it in the wrong way though by the sounds of it.

Just as an aside. It's been a while since I was in the UK, but is 16-18 really average?

Why would somebody be left with plates of meat? If they order three dishes each, a meat eater could order one of two of meat and one of vegetables or bread?

[Mansplaining]

A decent tapas restaurant will have half a dozen meat, fish and vegetable dishes. Sharing allows everyone to experience a little bit of many of them. If you like them, you can order more of it. If you don’t, you can experiment with something else.

Over an evening or lunch, you can have a varied meal made up from lots of little bursts of flavour. Some deep fried stuff. Some fresh vegetable stuff. Some rich, tomatoey meatball thing. Some cheesy gooey thing.

Part of the joy of tapas is trying something new and sharing what you love and what you don’t with everyone. Don’t like something? It doesn’t matter. Try something else. There’s literally something for everyone.

Ending up with a plate of six meatballs and a plate of six prawns to eat on your own is almost anti-tapas.

It's quite common in a tapas restaurant for the waiting staff to say how much is not enough or too much. It is also quite common for one person to order the jointly selected dishes for sharing. I suspect she only commented on your food and not your friend's because she ordered first and she thought that was for both of you.

Wakemeup/Scrodingers yy, shocked or prepared to be offended at any given time.

MBendfaster -I bloody love your name- I've had few passive-aggressive comments about whether I eat or not because at a quite normal 9 stone and average height for a woman I must be emaciated. Good job I'm not professionally offended and have a fat arse, comfier sitting down I'm lead to believe.

Tapas dish sizes vary hugely.
I would hope the serving staff would let me know if I was ordering huge piles of food thinking I was just ordering small samples IYKWIM

I suspect she only commented on your food and not your friend's because she ordered first and she thought that was for both of you.

I think this is more likely too.

I agree with eastmidsmummy.
The whole point of a tapas place is to share and enjoy lots of different foods; it doesn't work if the person you're with is fussy (for whatever reason).

Betsey, I completely empathise.

I think she was rude, maybe not fat shaming and possible thinking that you would not manage everything and waste things, she was rude how she spoke to you though. This link says about 8-12 dishes for 2 people. I don't know how much your friend ordered but if you ordered 4 then surely that is about right?

www.amparian.com/tapas.html

The only person who can "fat shame" you is YOU. Maybe she knows the portions are a good size.

No, the link says 8-12 dishes for four, which sounds more correct.

And no 16-18 is not average size.

8-12 dishes for 2 people would be a huge amount of food. 8-12 dishes for 3 people would be a good amount.

The average UK dress size is 16: www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/size-16-36dd-34-inch-10032782

That link.

The best way to get the most out of a tapas night (or lunch) is to base your selections on an order of between two and three tapas per person, i.e. four people would typically order eight to twelve tapas between them.

Not clicking on a mirror link, but thanks. That has surprised me.

Tapas restaurants usually recommend around 3 dishes per person. The idea is to share but sadly in my experience, most people seem to want their own, even when the restaurant does a set menu, which is usually far better value than ordering individually. Same for Mezze selections. It's usually for 2 or more people but hardly anyone ever wants to join in.

I think if you'd ordered first your friend would have received her comments,

In a tapas restaurant the staff are instructed to help customers understand how it works, it would have looked to most people that your friend had ordered for two.

I doubt she was fat shaming, More she didn't have a great way of expressing herself or was having an off day, I'd also guess if rhe nest table was ordering twice the normal quantities also she maybe learned from your reaction and said nothing,

I'm not large and I've been stopped in tapas restaurants, they aren't really seen as dinner venues as such, tapas is light dishes to pick at whilst having a few drinks. Sounds like you guys wanted to make it your full dinner.

16 is average size. It doesn't make it a healthy size on everyone.

The average height of a woman is only 5ft3. 5ft3 and size 16 is overweight.

Anyway it sounds like your friend had ordered enough dishes typically for 2 peoplr so the waitress was just checking.

Hardly horrendous and all this talk og thin privilege is ridiculous.

Maybe the waitress should have allowed you both to order far too much food?

You would have spent more but you could always have stuffed yourselves or taken the leftovers home.

Was the place you went to the Port House on the Strand? This has happened to us there

But surely after the vegan explanation, the waitress should have told the friend that it was too much food, not the OP? Maybe she needs to have veganism and vegetarianism explained to her by her bosses?

8-12 dishes for 2 people would be a huge amount of food

I agree, it's a very large amount.