Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the waitress was out of order and fat shaming?

277 replies

LondonHerbivore32 · 04/02/2018 11:22

Yesterday I went out with a friend for tapas. I'm vegan, my friend isn't.

My friend ordered several plates of fish/meat (some deep fried), a salad and patatas bravas for us to share.

I started to order, asking for a pepper and aubergine stew, a spinach dish, some bread for my friend and I to share and a salad. At that point the waitress raises her eyebrow and says 'two salads?' I explained that I can't eat the one my friend has chosen due to the egg in the dressing and then ask for a portion of fried aubergines.

As I ask for the aubergines, the waitress gives me horrified look and makes a big show of counting down the list of dishes we've ordered. She then emphatically says 'enough!' as she gets to the end of the order, while giving me the most disgusted look.

I explain that I'm vegan, so cannot eat any of what my friend ordered and therefore need to order for myself. The waitress, tries to argue with me about how many dishes I need and I point out that my friend ordered one more item than me and she didn't comment then. Plus, the vegetable dishes at the restaurant in question aren't particularly large portions.

The waitress stomps off in a huff. Later, I hear her taking a massive order from the table behind me without comment.

My friend is very thin and the couple on the table behind me were also rather skinny. I'm size 16/18 depending where I shop and 5' 10" tall, so not small by any means.

I suspect I was publicly fat shamed. What do you reckon?

OP posts:
Kitsharrington · 04/02/2018 12:08

Any decent restaurant will guide you as to how many sharing plates are actually needed. Sounds to me she just thought you were ordering far too much.

FullSet · 04/02/2018 12:09

I've been living in Spain a good few years now, and have had to explain vegetarianism and veganism more times than I can count (I don't eat meat, but we eat out a lot).

Beeziekn33ze · 04/02/2018 12:09

Yetanother - not a honey dressing for a vegan!

sexnotgender · 04/02/2018 12:09

Sounds like you've made up your mind OP.

WorldPeasAndSweetcorn · 04/02/2018 12:10

as someone who has been thin and fat, yes people do sometimes make unsolicited comments if you're thin but the judgyness gets turned up much higher if you are fat

TheAntiBoop · 04/02/2018 12:11

What was your friends take on it?

NurseButtercup · 04/02/2018 12:11

I do more drinking than eating whenever I go to a Tapas restaurant so it does sound like you ordered loads of food .

I don't believe she was fat shaming you.

Did you and your friend manage to eat all the food or was there lots of waste/food taken home?

Mammyloveswine · 04/02/2018 12:11

Ive had this before when i ordered tapas dishes for me and the hungry toddler. One of the dishes was pitta bread and the other chips so i wanted 3 more plates knowing the toddler would demolish most of the sides. This was discouraged and the waiter told me id ordered too much. I knocked a dish off. When the food came the portions were TINY! Think two small beef kebab things in one, one of the dishes had half of it taken up by another dish with sauce in... i was not happy. Ended up having toast when i got home.

And not that its relevant but im a size 10 and have an average appetite.

Haven't been back to that place since!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/02/2018 12:11

World - I know. Some people just don't get it.

If the waitress thought they were ordering too much and if a professional she should have suggested a compromise that fitted both diners' preferences - or breezily said 'my that's a lot - hope you are hungry!'.

eggsandwich · 04/02/2018 12:12

I think I would of been incline to say I’m paying for it so I’ll have as many dishes as I like thank you very much, now just take the fucking order!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 04/02/2018 12:13

Yetanother - not a honey dressing for a vegan I was so taken with sweet memories of that luscious Andalucian dish I forgot! I imagine that thinned molasses, vino cotto or even reduced balsamic with jaggery would work as well ...

EastMidsMummy · 04/02/2018 12:13

You misunderstand. It’s the nature of tapas that you all share from a variety of small plates of food. Anyone who won’t share spoils the whole social arrangement. It’s just not appropriate way to be a fussy eater in that social setting.

I am quite happy to go somewhere where you eat vegan food. I am quite happy to go to a vegan restaurant where we all eat vegan food. But going to tapas with vegans is a pain in the arse.

purplecorkheart · 04/02/2018 12:13

Our tapas place politely tells you when you ordered enough purely because the tables are tiny and the place is normally packed. There is literally nowhere to put too many dishes or the food stands around on the kitchen. They prefer if you order dishes in stages.

MaisyPops · 04/02/2018 12:14

Sounds more to me that the waitress waa just clarifying if you wanted 2 salads (as normally peoplr share) and was just checking you didn't end up acvidentally over ordering.
Every tapas I've been in the staff tend to outline how much is typical for X number of people (I'm a size 8 so highly doubt they're fat shaming me Hmm)

It sounds like you're looking for a reason to be offended.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 12:20

Meh, I quite happily have tapas to myself and not share particular if there with someone who decides to use their used fork for serving. Away with you grossness!

Ellapaella · 04/02/2018 12:23

Whenever I've ordered tapas the waiter/ress have always said if they think we've ordered too much.. as in they will say that they recommend starting with only two or three dishes each and to go from there so as we don't end up with far more than we can eat.And I am 'slim'. So I think to be honest you may be a little over sensitive although she was clearly not a very good communicator.

expatinscotland · 04/02/2018 12:23

Her job is to take the fucking order and give advise if asked for it. I'd have reported to the manager then and there.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 12:26

I know op has been to this restaurant before so knows the portion sizes but it did make me thing of the Going For An English sketch in Goodness Gracious Me.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/02/2018 12:26

Her job is to take the fucking order and give advise if asked for it.

Yep. I love all the condescending people telling the OP how she should be eating tapas. Grin

Praisebe · 04/02/2018 12:28

Bread has dairy in it Hmm hardly vegan

sixteenapples · 04/02/2018 12:28

Was she a native speaker? Or are you trying to read something there that wasn't,

Really it take as a special kind of self obsession to think that waitresses actually care what anyone looks like. I have been a waitress and I could barely tell you what people look like especially when they are sitting down let alone actually care!!.

I do know though that people complain about anything and everything if they feel like it and if they have ordered loads, been unable to eat it because they misunderstood the concept and it hasn't been explained they will complain.

From what you have ordered that seems a hell of a lot to eat at one time - especially in a tapas restaurant. She was explaining that.

sixteenapples · 04/02/2018 12:29

I also thought of the "Going for and English" sketch!! Exactly!!!

HarveyKietelRabbit · 04/02/2018 12:31

Stop waitress shaming Hmm

Lucymek · 04/02/2018 12:31

She was being rude and clearly implying you didn't need all that food weather it was due to your weight or not.

I once went to a supermarket and the checkout worker scanned my special k and fruit then my junk food and said ha well that's a contradiction.

She was size 20 plus.

I was around a 12

Sometimes people just say things for the sake of it.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/02/2018 12:32

I don’t think I’ve made bread with dairy in Confused